The elusive success

I never gave high street shop windows a second thought until my wife and I were introduced to the professional window-dresser in the period drama television series: Mr Selfridge. The show presents it as a form of art, which takes some skilful individuals to get it just right. 100 years later, it seems that we all became window-dressers in one or another social network we are part of.

From the attentive selection of the right photograph from last night’s party, to the careful choice of words that best describe our amazing professional skills, we are continually window-dressing our vitrines, and no wonder why as there is a stiff price for poorly dressed ones.

In the UK we have seen much in the media about the unachievable ideals we are subjected to, in particular, we hear about how that impacts teenagers through social media, where the most glimmering profiles serve as ideals to be mimicked. But is it really social media to blame? Or maybe the digital world is only magnifying a pre-existing issue?

It is undeniable that the appearance of success inevitably becomes a reference for our children and us, be that in social media or in a large-scale public relations campaign. For the most of it: c’est la vie, this is part of the game our society plays, or at least that was my mindset until I became a father. Now I find myself deliberating about how I can help equip another person with the tools to play this game properly.

It seems to me that for personal success to be meaningful, it also needs to be directly related to happiness through the satisfaction of one’s needs. If that is right, then personal success must be a relatively short-lived event rather than a constant state of being. Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs seems to corroborate that as it introduces us to the concept of human needs as a chain (typically expressed in a pyramid): when one need is satisfied, it is soon substituted by another in the next level in the hierarchy.

Maslow’s motivational theory is simple enough when handling the first two areas (basic needs), but it can be rather complicated when moving to the next two (psychological needs). Meaningful relationships are complicated, and feeling of accomplishment often takes more than just a job that pays well.

When we are inexperienced, it is especially hard to know how positive intimate relationships look like, or what will make us feel as we have accomplished something meaningful. Meanwhile, when we are experienced, and we have been successful, we tend to quickly forget and shift our attention to the next thing. In either case, we end up looking for examples, models of success to emulate, and what we get are beautifully dressed windows that resemble the ideal life.

Harry G. Selfridge, the retail magnate who inspired the TV show that taught me about the professional window-dressers, was an incredible figure. From delivering newspapers at age 10 to building a highly successful business that stands over a century, he amassed a fortune and is attributed to have created the phrase: “The customer is always right.” And yet that’s not why I write about him now. In the end, Mr Selfridge lost all his fortune to gambling and his romantic affairs.

This was a highly motivated man, with clarity of vision, an abundance of resources and widely recognised as successful. I cannot help but think his behaviour was of a person seeking an elusive ideal, but was that ideal real or illusory? Was it grounded on his present or his past? And is the unachievable ideal the real issue, or is the issue more likely a blind spot on his self-awareness?

In understanding what we want, remembering what we already achieved, and remaining honest to ourselves about what we are sacrificing when we prioritise: we find the wisdom to accept the responsibility for our choices, and hopefully we recognise the real value of our achievements. Through that, we should know that when someone seems to have it better, it doesn’t mean we would want to change places with that person, as he/she also made sacrifices (consciously or not) and likely not the ones we would have made.

So when I think of Harry Selfridge, it is his downfall that captures my imagination, and how often people sacrifice wisdom for cleverness. Even though it is equally true how brilliant of an entrepreneur he was.

In the end, what matters is how true our choices are to our core values, because if we get our values wrong, there are levels within us that know better and are not swayed by window-dressing.

Success is what comes when one knows and is true to oneself.

#success #socialmedia #values