Elon Musk’s SpaceX Rescues Astronauts: The First of Many Trump Favours? Let’s Speculate.

In a move that feels like the opening scene of a sci-fi thriller (or maybe just another Tuesday in the 2020s), Elon Musk’s SpaceX has been called in—at Donald Trump’s request—to rescue stranded astronauts aboard the International Space Station (ISS).

Now, on the surface, this is a great story of private space innovation saving the day. But let’s be real—if history has taught us anything, it’s that favors from Trump often come with a "generous" follow-up contract, a naming rights deal, or a reality TV show in the works.

This ISS mission could be the first in a long line of "special opportunities" gifted to Trump’s inner circle. So, let’s put on our tin foil hats and predict the Top 10 Contracts That Could Go to Trump’s Friends (or Back to Elon Again).

1. Musk’s Moon Base Gets Federal Backing

NASA funding takes a slight detour, redirecting billions toward a Trump-endorsed lunar settlement that just so happens to be run by SpaceX. Early renderings show a 300-foot golden tower with "TRUMP MOON CASINO & RESORT" emblazoned across it. There’s also a golf course, which—due to lunar gravity—features the longest drives in history, finally giving Trump the excuse he needs to claim he hit a 900-yard hole-in-one.

2. Truth Social Becomes the Official Government Platform

In a move to ensure government transparency, all federal agencies are mandated to conduct business exclusively through Trump’s social media platform, Truth Social. National Security briefings, public service announcements, even NASA launch updates—all delivered through the world’s glitchiest social network.

The first lawsuit comes just hours later when the U.S. Postal Service tries to file a mail-related update and accidentally gets its account suspended for "too much postage propaganda."

3. Tesla Takes Over the Presidential Motorcade

Say goodbye to Cadillac’s “Beast”—hello CyberForce One.

This souped-up Tesla Cybertruck, decked out with bulletproof windows that work this time, will serve as the official presidential vehicle. It comes with a built-in direct link to X (formerly Twitter), so the president can livestream every rant in real time.

It also features an autopilot mode that—when disengaged—locks you into a podcast where Joe Rogan and Musk discuss consciousness, monkeys with brain chips, and the true reason aliens built the pyramids.

4. AI-Powered Border Security, Courtesy of Palantir

Who better to secure the borders than Peter Thiel's AI-powered predictive surveillance system?

Using next-generation facial recognition, Palantir’s new system will scan people’s faces, purchase histories, and Spotify playlists to determine if they’re a "threat."

Listening to indie folk? Welcome to America. Heavy metal? A bit suspicious. K-pop? Straight to the no-fly list.

5. Rogan & Musk Secure the ‘Free Speech’ Internet Contract

The government announces a new, censorship-free internet service provider run by Elon Musk’s Starlink and Joe Rogan.

Named "FreedomNet", it promises absolutely no content moderation, unlimited streaming of UFO documentaries, and free bonus episodes of "The Joe Rogan Experience" with every gigabyte of data.

One small downside: if you criticize Musk, your WiFi mysteriously slows to a crawl.

6. Kanye West Designs Space Force Uniforms

The Space Force—America’s most fashion-forward military branch—finally gets an upgrade as Kanye West is tapped to design the new official uniforms.

The first iteration features all-white jumpsuits (symbolic, obviously), oversized shoulder pads, and mandatory Yeezy foam runners.

Unfortunately, due to supply chain issues, the uniforms only arrive one shoe at a time, causing widespread morale issues among Space Force troops.

7. Trump Tower Mars – The Ultimate Property Investment

The first SpaceX colony on Mars will naturally include a flagship Trump Tower, offering luxury penthouses for "special investors."

Upon arrival, new Martian citizens receive a commemorative red spacesuit with the words "Make Mars Great Again" stitched on the back.

Critics complain that living on Mars might be unsafe due to a lack of breathable air, potable water, and human-compatible temperatures. In response, Trump says, "Fake news. Mars is actually a tremendous place. Very breathable. Best air. The best."

8. Fox News Becomes the Official White House Media Partner

CNN? Blocked. MSNBC? Deported. Fox News? The only network allowed to cover White House press briefings.

The first major change? Jen Psaki is replaced as press secretary by Tucker Carlson, who delivers the first official daily briefing shirtless from a beach in Florida.

Also, all future State of the Union addresses will air exclusively on X (formerly Twitter) as a pay-per-view event.

9. Eric & Don Jr. Win National Park ‘Privatization’ Rights

In a move described as "a modern frontier expansion," the Trump family gains exclusive access to develop select U.S. National Parks.

Yosemite? Now the "Trump Ultimate Outdoors Experience."

Yellowstone? Half casino, half "luxury hunting retreat."

Mount Rushmore? A fifth face mysteriously appears between Lincoln and Roosevelt. Historians are baffled.

10. Musk Named Official Government AI Provider

Move over OpenAI and Google—Musk’s X.ai and Tesla’s AI systems will now power the entire U.S. government.

Every government service, from Medicare applications to the IRS tax portal, will be replaced with a chatbot trained exclusively on Musk’s tweets.

Need help filing your taxes? The chatbot simply replies, "Taxes are a scam. Just build a rocket company."

Final Thoughts: Is This All Just Wild Speculation? Probably.

But here’s the thing—we live in a world where: ? A former reality TV star became president. ? A billionaire literally bought Twitter and renamed it "X" (for some reason). ? Space Force is a real thing, with real funding.

So, is it really that far-fetched that a few government contracts might mysteriously land in the laps of Trump’s closest billionaire pals?

The real question is: What other “favors” are on the horizon?

Sound off below - who do you think is getting the next big contract?

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