Elevate Your Communication: The Power of Non-Verbal Cues

If you'd like to access the full archive and support my work, please consider subscribing on Substack by following this link. Thank you! ??

A few years into my engineering career, I was involved in a huge international project. We had to migrate several platform installations from all over the world to a new product we were developing in-house. I was part of the core team tasked with designing this new platform.

As I tried to gather all the relevant information about non-functional requirements, compliance, country-specific constraints, and so on, I was in constant contact with the team of product managers assembled for this task.

Since the business behind this project was in the nine-figure ballpark, the pressure was quite high. At the beginning of the project, we had almost daily checkpoints and strategic reviews with the CTO and the General Manager from business.

In these meetings, my boss and I presented the technical issues and challenges, while there were a couple of folks from product management talked about features, marketing approached, roll-out strategies, and so on.

Most of those meetings were tough—between the challenging questions, the complexity of the project, the countless unknowns, and the pressure of presenting to that audience, it was not easy for a young, inexperienced engineer like me to stay focused and deliver a decent presentation.

On the product management side, there was a guy who absolutely killed it every single time. He seemed to glide through the presentations, responding to every challenge with infallible precision and granite-like resolve. Zero pressure, zero stress—he was as cool as ice.

It was almost humiliating for the rest of us presenters. And the worst part was that, once the meeting was over, the CTO couldn’t stop praising him. He was like, “I like the guy. He is assertive, and I like that!”

“WTF is Assertiveness!?”

I remember leaving those debriefings with my boss and the CTO thinking, “What does being assertive even mean!?”. I knew the effect this guy had on the audience, but I couldn’t pinpoint the cause. He was certaigly:

• commanding attention: everybody was laser-focused on him
• radiating confidence: you felt he knew what he was talking about

I initially thought he was confident because he was more experienced and thus knew all the answers. But no, many other people were as knowledgeable as him. On some occasions, he had no idea but still showed great resolve and sounded super confident.

It took me a while to understand that I was fixating on the ‘what’, when it was actually about the ‘how’.

That guy was effective in his communication not because he was better prepared, had better slides, more knowledge, or used magic words. The content had nothing to do with it. It was all about the delivery.

“Have You Ever Heard of The 7-38-55 Rule?”

The way he entered the room, his gestures, the way he sat, the way he smiled, his facial expressions, his tone of voice, the pace of speech, the pauses, the way he made eye contact, and the way he reacted to questions—all of these commanded authority.

Forget about the fact that there were CTOs and GMs in the room. Regardless of role, situation, or subject, this guy was the perceived authority.

His assertiveness showed through his demeanor. And it had nothing to do with the words he uttered.

What you say almost doesn’t count, actually. If you don’t believe me, perhaps you’ll believe UCLA professor Albert Mehrabian. His research suggests that only 7% of the effectiveness of a conversation is based on words, while 38% comes from the tone of voice, and 55% from body language and facial expressions.

Now, Mehrabian’s work is often misquoted and overly simplified. But, without focusing too much on the numbers, this study seems to suggest that our communication is only marginally influenced by the actual words we say.

Most of the effectiveness comes from the paralinguistic features we attach to our words and the way our body and face express emotions.

Do you ever pay attention to the way you emphasize certain words, the way you use pauses? Do you keep eye contact with the other person? Do you smile as you speak? Do you express empathy? Do you show you’re paying attention to the other person speaking? Do you nod or shake your head? Do you use your hands to stress key points in a conversation?

“I’m An Engineer, Why Should I Care!?”

A common misconception I’ve seen among engineers, physicists, and mathematicians is assuming that correctness and objectivity are all that matter. The code is truth and should speak for itself. But that’s not how the world works outside the realm of pure logic and mathematics.

The truth is, our success is determined by the network of interactions we establish with other human beings. You won’t achieve any goal unless you can inspire and influence others. But how can you influence others if you cannot communicate effectively with them?

The way you come across and your non-verbal communication are crucial!

This applies not only to work conversations but also to daily interactions with friends, your spouse, and your children.

If you want to get things done and be perceived as a leader, you have to show resolve and confidence. So, focus on those non-verbal cues!

“OK, But How!?”

I know what you’re thinking, “I am not Matthew McConaughey; I don’t have a profound, soothing voice, and I don’t exactly ooze charisma out of my ears!”

To be frank, for some, this comes more naturally. But more effective non-verbal communication can be achieved with deliberate practice.

My suggestion is, don’t overdo it, especially if you are introverted or lean toward the shy spectrum. It might come across as weird or artificial.

Start gradually by incorporating new cues one by one. Maybe you begin by smiling a little more, keeping eye contact with the other person, paying more attention to the tone of your voice, or using your hands to stress a passage… To my Italian friends reading this, “No, you’re already doing this too much—easy with those hands!” ??????

No, seriously… When was the last time you made the effort to smile while talking to your boss?

Conclusions

I hope you enjoyed this post. If you did, please let me know by leaving a comment or sharing it with a friend.

If there’s a topic you’d like me to cover in a future issue, feel free to send me a message. I read them all. I’m always looking for feedback, suggestions, and new ideas.

Thanks for reading. See you next week. ????

Cheers,

Fusco

?? If you'd like to know how I can support you, check out this?link.

?? Or, if you’d like to have a chat, send me a message on?LinkedIn.