The Elephant in the Room

“Can we talk about the elephant in the room?” 

That question typically makes people feel uncomfortable. It usually springs from some pent-up issues that have finally come to a breaking point. The awkward conversation you should have had a long time ago has brought you to this. You’ve been avoiding it and trying to ignore the issue as long as you could, but ignoring what’s true is never helpful to anyone. It’s much better to address it early on rather than wait until it becomes an elephant. 

So, why don’t we just do that when we have the chance? 

It seems that we as people are wired to avoid uncomfortable situations. Some people think that if we just wait long enough the situation will resolve itself, whatever it is. I can tell you from experience that waiting for a correction of some kind almost never works. Even if it does, there is a lot of wasted time that can’t be recovered while we wait. And, it’s not fair to those we lead. 

People need clarity. As leaders, it’s our job to provide it. The longer we avoid the conversation the more information and trust our people are missing out on. Uncertainty in the workplace robs people of a sense of belonging, of experiencing the culture. And, by not addressing the elephant, we are actually teaching our people to avoid or ignore it by the way we show up. This type of behavior can quickly become a habit in your workplace. 

So, what is the best way to address these kinds of issues? 

First, don’t address the issue in a knee jerk fashion. Sometimes when we have had enough of a situation we snap and say things we haven’t thought through. This is why clarity and creating the habit of communicating with empathy is so important. That habit causes us to address the issues on a more regular basis and solve them while they are less volatile and uncomfortable. 

Second, try to construct a win/win scenario. How can I make the other person feel like we both won when the conversation is over? That kind of forethought will help you avoid the damage (both direct and collateral) of an uncomfortable conversation and solution. 

Lastly, and most importantly, do everything in love. Remember that love is patient and kind. It requires more diligence and effort. It makes us empathetic. It changes our attitude toward the other person and it changes our language. We speak, not to be right, but to lift the other individual up so that they are better off for having the conversation in the first place. 

When it works like that, it turns out that the elephant isn’t an elephant after all.