The Elephant In The Room

"Sometimes people don’t want to hear the truth because they don’t want their illusions destroyed”- Friedrich Nietzsch

Psychologists say that we learn to lie as early as six months of age, through attention seeking pleas as fake crying or laughter. Another 4 years after, we get pretty good at the same. On an average day, we are lied to about 10 to 200 times and tell a lie ourselves about 1 to 2 times in the same period. Strangers lie 3 times more within first 10 minutes of meeting each other. 

Then there are bigger lies on a corporate level which brought massive losses worldwide. Volkswagen recently lost $20 Billion in market capitalization, as they sold customers cars with a software to trick the Environmental Protection Agency into thinking the cars were more environmentally friendly. Take Toshiba which overstated its earnings by nearly $2 Billion over seven years. Enron accounting fraud wiped out $ 78 Billion in stock market value and let to the collapse of Arthur Anderson. The illusion of lies does not pay in the long run.

Honest question. When was the last time you texted someone you were on the way and you had not even begun the journey. Or you said you did not receive a certain email, when it was lying in your inbox or trash. Face it. We have all been in some kind of common zone where we have fibbed just a little to make life more comforting, not to hurt someone or bail us out of certain situations.

But why do we do this? Deep down most of us feel guilty about such a deed but possibly try and justify its real meaning. For instance, we engage in deception for social dignity or to keep a secret a secret. Lies are comforting. Not everyone is built to handle the truth. It can be a bitter pill to swallow. Sometimes we are unwilling engagers in deception. Just become a party to it by chance.

In this regard, a famous conman once said that everyone is willing to give you something for something they are hungry for. So if you do not want to be deceived you need to know what you are hungry for. But we are always hungry for something. We all have fantasies and want to be better, taller, richer and the list goes on. To bridge the gap between what we are and where we dream to be, we lie. 

Now this is not a moral lesson about lies. Its more to do about the illusions we all like to stay in. For me, it’s a bubble waiting to burst. Often in interviews I am asked about how fluid it is to lead others and that it seems as if I have a natural born talent. Far from true. Its an art and a kind of science fueled with experience. And it gets better with time. 

In some time, if not already, you will be in key leadership and management positions and will be faced with many painful truths. When heading the ship, one can get side tracked by the grandeur of it all. Warning. Get down to plain reality. You need to run the ship and you need to run it well. In my experience, staying in the illusion of comforting lies cannot solve anything. 

The lies about how power can breed followers or position can cement your performance. This is sheer nonsense. To me, you are more vulnerable and more accountable the higher you rise. More power means more responsibility. The missing link? Taking ownership than getting lost in the illusion of the position itself. You must take the bull by the horns if you want to remain not just a leader, but a great one.

To me its simple really. Real leadership is to all about making others better as a result of your presence, and making sure the impact lasts in your absence. 

Heads up. There will be many surprises and possibly some that may not surprise you at all. There will be many inconvenient truths that you could face when a leader, and rather than stay in the illusion of the greatness of the position, it is best to come to terms as early as possible. Being a successful leader is music to everyone’s ears but no one really talks about the essential elephant in the room. 

? #Truth 1. You can make a difference, but not alone. 

The first person who needs to follow you, is you, yourself. The first voice of self-doubt has to come from you as well. You have to be willing to follow yourself, and know who you are and what you care about. What you will be willing to sacrifice for and fight for. That is making a difference. However, reality check. You can make a difference but not always alone. If you find yourself walking forward and you turn around and no one is there, then it’s a walk in the park. Leaders turn their followers into leaders. You have to believe in others and their talents. You have to have their best interests as your own.

? #Truth 2. Without heart in the business, you will be a business without heart

Too often I have seen examples where new comers come and run the business for short term gains. Real leadership is not a sprint. It’s a marathon. You have to be in it for the long term. And the long term can only happen if you do everything with your heart and love what you are doing. There will be days where you will not feel your usual 100%. Get up and show up anyway. Passion needs to drive you through the highs and the lows, and no matter what, never lose hope.

? #Truth 3. Leadership is a choice, not a rank. 

Coming at the helm does not mean you will be trusted instantly. Authority does not breed followers. Choices do. You need to create an environment of mutual trust. You cannot make people trust you by basis of your position. It’s a feeling that happens over time. It happens when you give a sense of belonging to your team. So they feel safe and know someone is looking out for their best interests and not their own. Many a times I see that people spend too much time and energy protecting themselves from others which weakens organizations. If you have trust and safety in the system and your leader, performance happens naturally. Invest solid quality time in this. 

? #Truth 4. Be prepared. You won’t be liked much.

Its usually lonely at the top. Sacrifice being liked for achieving concrete goals. At the end of the day, some leaders may be liked one day and next day maybe not. As long as you have everyone’s interests in perspective and the business goals, you will find a middle ground. Stick to it. People have a strange habit of listening to what they want to hear. This changes with moods like seasons. Be aware. You will lose friends on the way. You will be bad mouthed and challenged by some you never thought would. Progress ahead anyway. 

? #Truth 5. Nobody will find you interesting as much as you do.

To me, leaders need to keep their dialogues short. A real leader is more interested in the people around them and has genuine curiosity. They want to listen and learn about them and their stories. Believe me, everyone has a story to tell. You have to cultivate a listening depth rather than a bragging shallow personality. 

? #Truth 6. You will be afraid and there will always be fears. 

No matter what position and how capable one is, everyone is afraid of failing. The quicker you are to recognize this, the easier will be overcoming it. Do not hide behind convenient lies and face the music. Greatness is acting in the face of fear. Go after what you believe in and stick to your guns. Keep faith. No one is super human, but efforts can be super human. 

? #Truth 7. Lead by example or don’t lead at all 

You need to be indispensable as a leader and should be able to do all that you ask your followers to do. This is where you keep your ego in check and stay humble, yet committed to the business goals. You are more at test when you have it all, than when you don’t. Use the moment to show that you too can join the front lines and show how its done. 

The illusion of leading effectively being a walk in the park, is far from reality. Rid yourself of the illusion of power sorting itself out at high positions. Essential leadership requires, grit, determination, undeniable faith and clarity. For me, its all about making others wanting to be better than they were before. That in itself, is a huge responsibility. And this responsibility rests on your shoulders. 

The great Chinese philosopher, Lao Tzu, said , “ A leader is best when people barely know he exists, when his work is done, his aim fulfilled, they will say: we did it ourselves”. That’s the crux of it all. This is the reality and the unpleasant truth, but if understood deeply, can raise you beyond levels you could never have imagined. 

It is time to rise above what looks good at the surface. To dwell deep within and take real responsibility of the task at hand and the people who trust and depend on you. Have faith. Your talent is unlimited and you can do it all and more. Just believe. Take that first step. And the let the rest take care of itself