The Elephant Ministry

An Executive Pastor (XP) goes to the doctor with a massive infection. His right arm, from fingertips to shoulder, is swollen and inflamed. Something’s clearly wrong.

The doctor, puzzled, and suspecting something stress related, starts with the basics.

Doc: What do you do for a living? Anything at work that might be causing this?

XP: Not that I can think of. I’m an Executive Pastor at a large church.

The doctor probes further.

Doc: Tell me a bit about your job.

XP: Well, I started four years ago. A year in, our Lead Pastor wanted to do a sermon series with a live elephant on stage.

Doc: A real elephant?

XP: Yep. Unfortunately, there’s no place nearby to rent elephants, so we bought one.

Doc: Your church bought an elephant?

XP: Sure did! The series was a hit, and since then our elephant has become a huge draw. We even built a habitat behind the worship center. The kids love him, and our visitor numbers are through the roof.

Doc: And you take care of this elephant?

XP: That’s pretty much my full-time job now. Not much time for anything else.

Doc: And you’re still the Executive Pastor?

XP: Of course.

Doc: So, what’s a typical day look like?

XP: Well, the kids feed the elephant so much junk that he’s permanently constipated. So first thing every morning, I have to give him an enema.

Doc: And how exactly do you do that?

XP: I use a bucket of soapy water and a large sponge. I get it full of soapy water, then reach in, all the way up to my shoulder, and squeeze.

Doc: Wait! You’re putting your entire arm up an elephant’s… you know what? Clearly that’s causing your infection! You need to stop immediately!

XP: What, and give up ministry?

Author-anonymous former (fired) church employee