The Elephant Crushing Career Progression: Benevolent Sexism

I remember when I accepted a highly competitive position that I was excited to grow with. I poured my passion into the role and consistently broke division records to set myself apart. Over the years, however, I noticed my male peers were taken more seriously. My accomplishments barely received a head nod, but my workload kept increasing. While my peers received pay raises and promotions, I received more responsibility without the increase in pay or position promotion.?

I couldn’t understand what was happening.

As time went on, I asked for feedback. I was assured there were no concerns about my work effort, ethics, or output. I received positive reviews about my performance and was told to be patient. But patience doesn’t pay my bills.?

Every male peer had been promoted over me even when they hadn’t completed the mandatory trainings I was told I had to to even to be considered for a promotion. I realized I was working in an environment deeply entrenched in benevolent sexism, and I needed to move on.

What is benevolent sexism?

Benevolent sexism refers to a form of sexism that is characterized by seemingly positive attitudes and behaviors toward women. You may have heard examples of these when others describe women as kind, attractive, great listeners, or nurturers. At the same time, men might be more frequently described as driven, competitive, a shark, or highly intelligent and business savvy. While on the surface, it may appear to be supportive and protective, benevolent sexism perpetuates traditional gender roles. It can have a significant cost for both women and society.

One of the costs of benevolent sexism is the restriction it places on women’s agency and autonomy. Someone else deems what a woman should and should not do, and takes it upon themselves to shelter or protect them. Even if it is from the very work opportunity a woman may want and be qualified for. Despite the well-intentioned nature of these attitudes, they can reinforce gender stereotypes and limit women’s opportunities to fully participate in various domains, such as education, career, and politics. For example, benevolent sexism often manifests as chivalrous behavior, wherein men assume the role of protector and provider, which might lead to women being seen as delicate and in need of constant assistance. This can undermine women’s independence and create a sense of dependency on men, perpetuating gender inequality.

An example of this is when I worked in sales. I watched repeatedly as successful women account managers were overlooked promotions. Male leadership assumed that women needed to be protected more as customers required someone to stay on their toes and handle rough dialogue more than a woman could. The culture seemed to support the gender stereotype that women were better in roles like back office support, operations, or customer service, where they could use their data entry, organization, and communication skills. In the field roles, like outside sales, were deemed more of a man’s territory as clients were often publicly courted and entertained to win business. They couldn’t see a woman closing a business deal on the golf course while cussing and drinking as effectively as a man could.

Another cost of benevolent sexism is its impact on women’s psychological well-being. Although these attitudes may create positive emotions and feelings of being cared for, they often come at the expense of women’s competence. Compliments focusing solely on physical appearance or gender-specific traits can indirectly convey that women’s value lies primarily in their looks or nurturing abilities rather than their skills, intelligence, or accomplishments. Such objectification can lead to self-objectification, where women internalize these superficial standards and evaluate themselves based on how well they conform to traditional gender norms. This may result in lower self-esteem, body dissatisfaction, and diminished self-worth.

A client shared a very unfortunate experience with me that highlighted this. She had started at an entry-level position and been promoted to a customer service role over four years. No matter how much she applied herself or what records she broke, her ambition was not recognized like her male peers. What was recognized and commented on was her physical appearance. She was frequently complimented on being beautiful, being in shape, and the clothes she wore. Her work ethic, keen insights to solve conflicts, relationship management, and customer service skills weren’t complimented. She said it made her feel like an object, and that she would never be taken seriously.?

Additionally, benevolent sexism can have negative consequences for men as well. This form of sexism perpetuates the stereotype that men should be strong, self-reliant, and invulnerable, ultimately restricting their emotional expression and limiting their ability to seek support or ask for help when needed. Men who do not conform to societal expectations of masculinity may experience stigma or rejection, leading to psychological distress and difficulties in building healthy relationships with others. I remember a male colleague expressing sadness over the death of his dog in the break room. The ridicule was almost immediate from a few of his peers gathered as they couldn’t understand why it mattered so much to him. In a moment of raw vulnerability, this colleague was shamed for being less that the gender role said he should be. It broke my heart. Benevolent sexism thus reinforces the harmful notion that individuals must conform to rigid gender roles and expectations, limiting everyone’s freedom to express themselves authentically.

Furthermore, benevolent sexism can also have economic costs. When women are regarded as delicate and needing protection, it can influence hiring and promotional decisions, as employers might perceive women as less capable of handling high-pressure roles or physically demanding tasks. This can hinder women’s career progression and result in unequal pay and limited opportunities for leadership positions. I have seen this happen firsthand. One organization I worked with consistently gave women more projects and obstacles over a lengthier timeline to be promoted to a manager role than male peers. The reasoning was explained to me that it gave the women "time to toughen up and see if they really wanted the promotion.” What happened was that these top-talent women saw the inequality and self-selected away from the organization. By perpetuating gender stereotypes and limiting women’s professional advancement, benevolent sexism ultimately squanders the talent and potential of half the population, impeding economic growth and innovation.

Final Thoughts

While benevolent sexism may appear positive on the surface, it carries significant costs for women, men, and society as a whole. Your gender does not dictate all that you are capable of being or becoming! By reinforcing gender stereotypes and restricting women’s agency and autonomy, it perpetuates gender inequality and limits opportunities for women in various domains. Everyone has room to grow and advance, and gender shouldn’t be a driving consideration. Benevolent sexism places psychological burdens on women by objectifying them and emphasizing traditional gender roles, impacting their self-worth and well-being.

Moreover, benevolent sexism affects men by restricting their emotional expression and perpetuating societal expectations of masculinity. This creates last ramifications that can suffocate a company’s culture and competitive edge. It is crucial to realize that this form of sexism has economic ramifications, hindering women’s professional advancement and impeding overall economic growth. Losing top talent to benevolent sexism is an avoidable loss! Challenge yourself to recognize benevolent sexism. Doing so is crucial in achieving gender equality and creating a more inclusive society where individuals are valued for their abilities and treated with respect, regardless of gender.