Of Elections Battles and Playing fields.

How do we bridge the divide after a hard-fought election campaign?

The US Presidential captured our attention. As did the heroics on the cricket field.

Across the world, the debate of divisive politics rages on, the topic of tolerance continues to brew. Now that we are done with the business of the bruising and polarising elections, you might ask the question, what next? How do we bring everyone together? In India every state election throws up the polarity.

The polarity raises its head not only in celebration but perhaps even mocking to the defeated.

We need both a different celebration and an element of forgiveness.

Let me take you away from the election and cricket pitches to football fields. After the end of every match, upon the winners falls the responsibility to console their competitors. Regardless of the background, the fouls, or tempers are all forgotten. Foes turn friends.

With that, if only momentarily, let me move you away from elections to the topic of celebrations, because it is within the celebration of common humanity, that we find the kernels or green shoots of the hope of tolerance.

Celebrations are in our genes. We are hard-coded to celebrate. The oldest cave paintings are about celebrations that our ancestors had several thousands of years ago. We would celebrate the defeat of another tribe or an alliance with a new tribe.

Why do you think our ancestors encourage celebration?

Here is my opinion.

If there is ever a study of the first language used as a communication, if we were to ever discover the first few spoken words that were invented, I am willing to wager that they would be words of joy or celebration. An equivalent of the modern and rather universal symbol of teenage celebration 'Yay!' 

First, celebrations were an inspiring reminder of their personal capabilities in overcoming adversity and achieving the small milestones of everyday victories. In Diwali, we give thanks to everyone who inspired us. Celebrations were also about learning. The masters of the craft would reach out to the novices and teach them new tricks of the trade. 

Second, the celebrations were about gratitude. We give thanks to everyone who supported us in our goals. Celebrations made you feel cared for, it helped you validate your own existence.

Third, celebrations built a common culture. Our wise ancestors devised a concerted strategy, that through the celebration of our culture would emerge, which would ultimately result in a lasting legacy. 

It was not the culture that built the act of celebrations. It was celebrations of what you valued and what you held dear to your heart that built the culture. 

What were celebrations never meant to be?

Celebrations were never about gloating.

In defeat, dignity. In victory, humility.

Celebrations were meant to bridge, heal, and move forward, as a unit.

Coming to the most important piece; celebrations were designed to cleanse the system through forgiveness.

When the celebrations took place, the entire ecosystem celebrated. The family celebrated. The village celebrated. Sometimes people from neighbouring villages walked miles to take part in the celebrations. The deities and temples that they worshipped would have been decorated to honour those everyday victories. The celebrations were so designed that the village would perhaps forget their little disputes and renew their social relationships.

Perhaps during this merriment between villages, more alliances were formed which led to more celebrations. I am sure sometimes brawls did break out too! 

The celebrations included the gift of forgiveness.

A prayer that is offered in every religion is that of seeking forgiveness. The tradition of celebration would carry on for thousands of years. Almost always with food, drink, religiosity and a sense of personal achievement.

What would you say is the first step?

Let’s step back to a short story of Buddha’s journey to enlightenment. As Siddhartha set out on his journey, he encountered Mara, a demon. Mara was hell-bent on denying Siddhartha the seat of enlightenment. He wanted it for himself. Mara offered to make Siddhartha the “universal monarch”, which he refused, and continued his journey to Bodh Gaya. Sitting under the Bodhi Tree, Siddhartha takes the ‘Middle Way’ or a path of moderation to attain awakening or enlightenment.

Mara is determined to stop him. He sends his army of Lust, Conceit and False glory; Aversion and Cowardice; Craving, Hunger and Thirst; Sloth, Stupidity, Doubt and Hypocrisy. Siddhartha is unwavering. Mara goes away disappointed.

Mara has three daughters— Tanha (Craving), Arati (Discontentment and Aversion), and Raga (Greed and Desire). They undertake a mission to distract Siddhartha. You can find a poetic description of the distractions that Mara’s daughters throw at Siddharth here. They fail in their mission.

On the night before enlightenment, Mara makes his final attempt to win the seat. He confronts Siddhartha and asks him to prove that the seat belongs to him. Siddhartha’s followers claim that they are witnesses, only to be countered by Mara’s followers who vote for him. They reach a position of stalemate.

Siddhartha then touches the earth with his right hand and asks Mother Earth to bear witness and to defy Mara’s claim to the seat of enlightenment.

Mother Earth responds with a huge roar, saying “I bear witness”. 

Thus Mara was defeated and Siddhartha went on to become the Bodhisattva Buddha.

One would think, that enmity with someone like Mara would last a lifetime. After all, he was the biggest hurdle in your path. Everyone disliked Mara, including Ananda, Buddha’s attendant, who had the gift of a vast memory. Ananda remembered everything.

Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh wrote a story where Mara demands to be allowed to meet Buddha. Ananda refuses his request, stating that Buddha would not like to meet Mara, since he is an enemy. Now you have to remember that Mara is very intelligent.

He replies, “Are you saying that Buddha has enemies?”. Ananda does not have a reply.

He relents and goes into the cave to ask the enlightened one. “Mara seeks an audience, I have refused, but he insists that I ask you”.

Ananda expects Buddha to refuse an audience. Buddha emerges from his meditation, smiles and says, "Mara! Wonderful! Ask him to come in!" Ananda goes out and sends Mara in. As Mara enters, Buddha welcomes him with an embrace and offers him the best place to sit. He asks Ananda to make them tea.

He then says to Mara, “Dear friend, how have you been? Is everything okay?”

In another interpretation of the story, Buddha is in a state of meditation, and he sees Mara lurking in the bushes. He opens his eyes and says, “I see you, Mara. Come, let’s have some tea”.

Once tea is served, Buddha asks Mara about his well being. Mara replies that he is very exhausted because of the strenuous demands of the role that he has been playing. The role of a wicked demon demands that he is always wicked and deceitful. Everyone expects him to be a terrible all the time. He says that he wants to change roles with the Buddha.

Buddha replies,

Do you think it is easy to be Buddha? People are always misunderstanding me and putting words into my mouth. They build temples with statues of me made from copper, pleaser, gold or even emerald. Large crowds of people offer me bananas, oranges, sweets and other things. Sometimes I get carried in a procession, sitting like a drunk person on heaps of flowers. I don't like being this kind of a Buddha. So many harmful things have been done in my name. So you can see that being a Buddha is also very difficult. Being a teacher and helping people practice is not an easy job. In fact, I don't think you'd enjoy being a Buddha very much. It is better if we both continue doing what we are doing and make the best of it."

Consider this question, when Mara comes calling, what will you do?

Mara takes the form of unwanted emotions. It can take the form of a much-despised competitor. Mara might appear as a rude, irate, and irrational customer. It might seem that the worst reincarnation of Mara is visiting you, when you meet, lawmakers and the people who hold power over you. 

The first step in a conflict soaked environment is to invite the many forms of Mara for tea. Working with Mara can help.

Let's learn from cricket and football.

The Cricketing Moment of 2021.

In the recently concluded presentation ceremony, Captain Rahane strode up the moral high ground. The India cricket team acknowledged Nathan Lyon's one hundredth test cap, right on camera.

Indian cricket is in good hands because of the nice guys.

Cricket Australia raised the spirit of the game by issuing a message of gratitude to everyone

In pre-covid football, there is a very interesting ritual. At the end of every game, players will swap their sweat-soaked jerseys with a member of the opposite team. They will console and congratulate each other. It is a poignant reminder that football is a battle for just those ninety minutes.

Perhaps this is how footballers transition from being friend to foe to friend again. Let’s learn from this. It is about building a positive ecosystem. It is about embracing Mara and inviting him for tea. 

The process starts with ;

Discover: Mara brings with it a great amount of information. Ignore it at your own peril. You might find perspectives that you never considered before. You might figure out that you have more interests in common.

Deconstruct: Sitting down with Mara for a meaningful conversation, can help you peel away the layers of mindsets and belief systems.

Development: Dealing with Mara need not be a zero-sum game. Every conversation increases the stakes. Working with competitors, across domains of life, usually increases the market size.

Reach out to as many people as you can. Reach out to people who pissed you off, or whom you may have pissed off and exchange gifts of forgiveness and understanding. 

The path to belonging originates from humanity and the pathways are the core values of human good. The pathways to human good, is paved with compassion, courage and curiosity. The acts of reaching out to someone, with whom you have a cultural difference and maybe even conflicting beliefs and value systems, and listening to them. It is about finding small and meaningful common ground on which you can begin to seek a deeper understanding of what makes us different yet, having so much in common. 

A human being is more than his political affiliation. Not recognising that diminishes the humanity within us.

The author is the Founder of The Positivity Company where he helps business leaders become more positive and productive. Birender can be reached on [email protected]