#eLAPC ?? | Ep. 24 | #SundayRant | Stop Onboarding New Hires Like an A$$hole

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Enhanced Transcript

Welcome to this edition of the Sunday rant on The eLearning Alchemist podcast. Today, we’re going to dive into a topic that is broader than just L&D, but that L&D is often connected to: New Hire Orientation, aka Employee On-boarding. While some organizations have really mastered the art of new hire orientation, by in large, these indoctrination programs are often a complete disaster. So, let’s talk about how you can Stop On-Boarding New Hires Like an Asshole. 

To take on this topic with any meaningful direction, we first need to know: What are the goal goals of new hire orientation? Because, this is one of those topics where what we say and what we do, often aren’t aligned. In my opinion, new hire orientation should have four goals - at least that’s all we have time for on this podcast:  

1. Introduce the new hire to the corporate culture and norms - every organization is different and new hires need to learn and adapt to their new world;
2. Make the new hire feel welcome and comfortable in their new surrounding - being a new hire is intimidating, awkward, and overwhelming… anything we can do to ease the new hire’s discomfort is a win;
3. Help the new hire get excited about their decision to join your organization - chances are this person left a stable job somewhere else and now their probation at your organization, they’ve taken a risk, they should leave the first day feeling good about it; and
4. Send them home raving about their new job to their family and friends - when your employee is asked, and they will be asked, “How’s the new job coming?” What do you want them to say about your organization and their experience? Should their response sound like: “Uh… it’s still early, I’m just learning the job and what’s what, ya know?” Or, would you like their response to sound like: “It’s amazing! I have know idea how I managed to convince them to hire me. It’s such an amazing place to work.” Yeah, I thought so. Do you think your current orientation leaves anyone with that feeling?

To be fair, these goals aren’t very measurable, but they are the point of orientation. It is expensive to hire, train, and turnover employees. Our first goal when we bring a new hire in the door needs to be giving them the sense that they have arrived. That this is the right place for them. Anything less introduces more turnover risk than any organization should be comfortable with. 

So, why are so many corporate orientations an absolute buzz kill? Well, I’ve got a theory… 

The concept of new hire orientation started to catch on during the 80s. It was certainly around before that, but a structured method for introducing new hires to an organization started to gain traction during the 80s and exploded in popularity in the 90s, and by the 2000s virtually every organization had some form of a on-boarding program.

Now, because there are people involved, this responsibility naturally landed with the policy police in HR. The unfortunate outcome of this placement has turned many orientations into nothing more than a paperwork exercise that includes filling out forms and reading 50-100 pages of semi-legalese policies that no one could possibly consume in one sitting. Not only is it a total waste of time that consumes every last drop of a new hire’s soul, it’s also completely ineffective and a total waste of time.

So, here’s Tip #1 to stop onboarding new hires like an asshole:

1. Burn the Paperwork. Okay, don’t actually burn it, but for heaven’s sake, stop making people fill out paperwork for half the day. Seriously. Half the day filling out paperwork? Are you kidding me? Signing for a mortgage doesn’t take that long. L&D has mountains of evidence, this is a fact, we cannot learn that much new content in a single day. If this content is as crucial as HR believes it is (which is questionable), it needs to be delivered differently and there is no way it should be part of orientation. Have your learners complete and sign forms before they arrive. If they don’t do it, that’s what breaks and lunches are for… but please, please, please, don’t lock people in a boardroom and make them fill out forms. Think of all the engaging things you could do with that time to make your new employees excited to work for you.

If they do survive these treacherous 4 hour where the only thing keeping them awake is paper cuts, they can go to their car and sob through lunch wishing they hadn’t left their old job. They’ll probably compose themselves by the end of lunch only to be led to a computer where they’ll struggle with their logins before embarking on a 3 hour tour, a 3 hour tour… of eLearing that’s going to feel like hot pokers being stuffed in their eyes. 

Am I exaggerating? Am I sensationalizing this for effect? Absolutely! Clearly, I’m sensationalizing this issue. It’s not really this bad… I mean, as long you don’t care about the cost of new hire attrition, both in terms of the hiring process and the impact of turnover on employee morale. If you don’t care about those things, then I’m really over selling it. But, even if you don’t see the problem as being this dramatic, ask yourself: “Would I want to go through this orientation?” Of course you would go through it, but would you want to. 

Here’s Tip #2 to stop on-boading your employees like an asshole:

1. Keep the eLearning to a Minimum (zero if possible). Look, I’m an eLearning developer and I think eLearning can be awesome… but not for 4 hours at a time and certainly not on topics such as policies, procedures, governance, and IT security. Some of your orientation eLearning can be completed before the new hire arrives and a lot of it can be completed after Day 1. Why so many organizations have employees complete courses on their flex benefits that they won’t have access to for 3- to 6-months is mind boggling. Well, actually it’s not. Many organizations not only have employees complete the eLearning, but sign up for their benefits on Day 1… 89 days before they need to. Why? Because it’s easier for HR to get it all out of the way and not need to worry about it again. That’s right, we prioritize making our own lives easier over ensuring our employees have a positive first impression of our organization. Does that seem a bit silly to anyone else?

Finally, here’s Tip #3 to stop on-boarding your employees like an asshole:

1. Make it about them. “Well, of course” you’re probably thinking. But, no, not of course. If it were of course, we wouldn’t have them completing mountains of paperwork and hours of eLearning. All of that stuff is about us. They’re the things we need them to do. They’re part of our job. It has nothing to do with what an employee needs on their first day at a new job. It is completely void of empathy and human interaction. These things don’t achieve the goals of new hire orientation and they do nothing to set this person up for future success. So, instead of peppering your new hires with paperwork and policies, give them the opportunity to connect with their team in a meaningful way… I love pizza as much as the next person, but pizza doesn’t make up for torturing a new hire the rest of the day. Besides, you take away their opportunity to go cry in their car. Keep the pizza if you want, but for the rest of the day, engage your L&D team to create fun and engaging experiences that allow the new hire to connect with their team, learn about the organization, and feel good about coming back tomorrow.

That’s the end of the rant. Jump into the description, click the link, and leave your thoughts on this podcast.

Take care,

CC

Clint Clarkson, CTDP is just another victim who accidentally stumbled down the rabbit hole of corporate learning and development. He is the Founder & Managing Partner of eLearning Alchemy, a custom eLearning development firm. While he’s known for being upbeat, positive, and enthusiastic, Clint is still easily offended by comic-sans, bullet points, and the excessive use of buzzwords. Connect with Clint on LinkedIn or follow him on Twitter.