Elaine Benes is a lackluster book ghostwriter

Elaine Benes is an all-time great TV character — but a lackluster ghostwriter.

The “Seinfeld” linchpin, played masterfully by Julia Louis-Dreyfus, works in publishing during the show’s nine-season run.

In the Season 8 episode “The Van Buren Boys,” she mentions how she’s ghostwriting her boss J. Peterman’s autobiography.

“When it comes out, I'll have to get someone to ghostread it,” Jerry Seinfeld tells her.

Keeping the reader in focus

Peterman (John O'Hurley) seems like a fascinating book subject. He travels extensively and is tapped into high society. But sitting with Elaine, discussing what the book should be about, he decides to take things in a different direction.

"What part of your life do you want to start with? Foreign intrigue? Exotic romances?" she asks.

“I would like this book to be about my day-to-day life,” he tells her.

It’s common as a ghostwriter to have author-clients want to write a different book than the one you envision. Sometimes, authors will write a full draft before deciding that they want to write a different book instead, which can be disheartening.

J. Peterman’s book idea is also not very reader-focused. What is the reader’s benefit for learning about his day-to-day life?

“I gotta tell you, Mr. Peterman, I don't know if I see a whole book here,” Elaine says.

“Well, I'm sure we'll come up with something,” he responds.

Keeping a client on track

Instead of discussing the book, Peterman quickly becomes distracted. He wants to order a pizza.

And Elaine, instead of steering the conversation back to the book, engages on Peterman’s pizza topic, discussing a story about her friend Kramer, played by Michael Richards.

It’s tough sometimes to keep an author on track and make a meeting productive. But you need to try.

Ethical dilemmas

When Elaine tells Peterman about a story involving Kramer’s run-in with the “Van Buren Boys,” Peterman is intrigued.

“That's pretty exciting,” he says. “Let's put that in the book.”

“That didn't happen to you,” Elaine responds.

“So, we pay off your friend, and it becomes a Peterman.”

“No, I really don't think you can do that.”

Elaine correctly recognizes the ethical dilemma with paying someone else for their stories, but she doesn’t have the agency to put her foot down. There is a power imbalance — this is her boss. And if she doesn’t follow along, Peterman will just find someone else to do it.

So Peterman continues forward with paying Kramer for his stories (he would later give them back), and then it’s up to Elaine to coordinate with Kramer and get these stories out of him so she can turn them into a book.

There are times when a third party will contribute to a ghostwriting collaboration — typically a trusted colleague or longtime co-worker of the book’s author who tosses out ideas during meetings and interfaces with the ghostwriter. I’ve found those arrangements to be amazing. But it’s something different to have the third party be someone the author barely knows.

The importance of foundation work

Elaine talks to Kramer about his stories, but they’re confusing or pointless. Like one involving Kramer’s attempt at returning a pair of pants to the store, which saw him walking through a tunnel.

“The next thing I knew…” Kramer says.

“... A train is bearing down on you?” Elaine asks.

“No, I slipped and fell in mud. Ruining the very pants I was about to return.”

“I don't understand. You were wearing the pants you were returning?”

“I guess I was.”

“What were you gonna wear on the way back?”

Elaine’s face is scrunched in anger and confusion. Her frustrations with Kramer’s off-track stories underscores the need to do foundational work at the start of a project. By exploring your book’s hook, audience and outline, and developing a positioning statement, you can ensure that every element in your book aligns with the central purpose (I cover book foundation work in my free Good Book Blueprint course).

A ghostwriter’s purpose

A ghostwriter’s purpose isn’t to develop a story out of thin air — good ghostwriting requires input and collaboration. But with Peterman indifferent and Kramer scattered, Elaine is stuck writing a book without the presence of its central figures. Which is a recipe for a bad book.

Elaine, to her credit, is aware of that reality.

“How am I ever gonna turn this into a book?” she asks Jerry.

“Well, just shape them. Change them. You're a writer.”

“Yes! I'm a writer.”

“Make them interesting.”

“Interesting! Of course! People love interesting writing!”

People do love interesting writing. But they also love authentic writing. And Elaine, even with all of the creative flourishes and best writing she can muster, faces an insurmountable challenge.

Unrealistic timeline

Peterman’s book is published in time for another Season 8 episode, “The Muffin Tops,” which aired on May 8, 1997 — only three months after Elaine begins “writing” the book in the earlier episode.

This type of turnaround — from idea to draft to editing, production, marketing and publication — isn’t realistic.

It would be possible for Elaine to write a draft in a month or two. I’ve done it, and given her ability to crank out copy for the J. Peterman Catalog, I don’t doubt that she could quickly turn around a manuscript draft.

But the quality of that draft isn’t clear. And publishers typically like a long runway to publication to drive up sales potential and market around the book’s launch.

A reality check

Elaine ends up including some of Kramer’s stories within Peterman’s book, “No Placket Required.”

As she tells Kramer, she was “short on material and I, um, I put them in the book anyway.”

Elaine tries to brush off Kramer’s concerns.

“It is such a stupid book. It doesn't matter,” she says.

But it matters to Kramer, and he starts a “Peterman reality bus tour” in response to the book, poking fun at the inspiration for the character of Kramer, Kenny Kramer, leading a real-life bus tour of his own.

It’s a major sin for a ghostwriter to deepen a book’s editorial or ethical challenges — but Elaine, given bad direction and inadequate material, does exactly that.

Here’s how Elaine fared as a ghostwriter:

?Keeping the reader in focus

?Keeping the author on track

?Steering clear of ethical obstacles

?Meeting project deadlines

?Producing an engaging, readable book

It’s interesting to rewatch these episodes today after writing or ghostwriting dozens of books.

I sympathize with Elaine. She is initially excited to ghostwrite Peterman’s book, but that excitement quickly turns to dread and indifference — it becomes another job, and something she thinks is “stupid” and “doesn’t matter.”

Whenever I’ve felt my enthusiasm waning on a ghostwriting project, I explore why. Maybe I’m not a good fit for the project or am getting inconsistent or conflicting direction. Or the author has lots of self-doubts or a lack of confidence, leading them to pull back, miss meetings, and withdraw.

Each book is a chance for the author to own their message and share their story. And there’s nothing “stupid” about that.

If you’re interested in writing a book that matters, a book about something, feel free to reach out! I’d love to learn more about your project and struggles and help guide you in any way I can.