Humans communicate with their whole bodies, not just their mouths. And this from the earliest age. Nonverbal language is an essential element of communication. However, sometimes we are lost when it comes to knowing how to decipher it or knowing how to use it more efficiently to relate to others. In fact, either we don't pay attention to it, which is a mistake, or, armed with a battery of books and workshops, we pretend to be able to guess everything that others think, to know if they are lying, to reveal what they have done or to predict what they are going to do. And things don't work like that, series like "Lie to Me" or "The Mentalist" are nothing more than fiction series, to entertain us. In this video, I would like to focus on some aspects of nonverbal language that are essential, more realistic and useful to improve our communication, and are relatively easy to apply.
- If you decide to really listen to someone, stop what you do, stand in front of them, look them in the eye, and tune your body to what they are telling you and to their own body. That is, if your intention is to listen, stop what you are doing, stop looking at your mobile, your desktop computer, or else redirect the conversation to another time. Then look at the other person, as looking shows that your mind is here and now, with them, and not somewhere else. Use your body in such a way that it signals that you are really following the conversation: a smile if the topic warrants it, a frown for a more serious or serious topic, or a nod if you agree, etc. And finally, if the person has a lot of energy and moves, why not activate your body too, or the other way around if they are very calm, put your body in calm mode.
- Be careful with crossing your arms, legs, and hands if you want to have an open conversation. Indeed, crossing your arms does not always mean that you are closed to what the other person says. However, it is true that it always represents a kind of barrier. Better to put arms, legs, and even hands in an open position, like a cozy receptacle, ready to receive what comes.
- Be attentive to repetitive gestures, tremors, lack of coordination, which clearly show nervousness, insecurity or vice versa too much impetus or aggressiveness. For example, these gestures can be constantly moving the leg resting on the ball of the foot, or continuously touching the hands, nose, face, or hair. In terms of aggressiveness, it can be non-stop banging on the table, pointing fingers, moving your head from side to side, or snorting. You can observe it in the other person, or you can do it yourself, in a failed attempt to hide your emotions. In this case, if it happens to you, it's better to express how you feel, and suddenly your body, or stop doing it, or at least be in tune with what you say, in a more coherent way.
- The context in which the conversation takes place matters. Always be aware of the exact situation you are in both to manage your body language and to decipher it from others. It's not the same to be at a football game or a party, than at work talking to your boss, or with a collaborator. Certain gestures and expressions, in a particular situation, may have a certain meaning and/or fit perfectly with the context, however, in another situation they may have a very different meaning, or be completely out of place.?
- Beware of obsessing over a single gesture or a few gestures, take into account a different set of factors. It is often said that, when it comes to nonverbal language, you have to take into account a whole cluster of perceptions. Just because the person suddenly looks out the window, doesn't mean they are not listening anymore. Or the fact that they cross their arms doesn't always mean that they are closed to your point of view. You'll need to spot other clues in both their nonverbal and verbal language to further sharpen your judgment.
- More than what exactly a gesture or expression can mean, it is more important to check the coherence or incoherence between body language and verbal language. It is one of the most crucial aspects of nonverbal language. From my own experience, human beings are so complex, and carry so many stories with them from birth, that it is very difficult to give an exact meaning to all the gestures they make. However, it is easier to discern if their body is in consonance, in harmony with what they say. For example, if someone tells you that they agree with you, lowering their voice, not looking you in the eye, making some nervous gestures with their face or hands, and turning their body towards the door, this set of gestures inconsistent with what they say should get your attention, (and they certainly will), set off the alarm signal,? make you question their sincerity and then make you delve deeper into the matter with them.
- As for mastering your own nonverbal language, particularly when you express yourself in public, when you give a presentation, the best way to do it consist in being convinced of what you are going to say, of what you want to do and to work on your own contradictions. All of this will help your words to be in harmony with your body so that you can have an impact on others. Indeed, it is practically impossible to control all the nerves, muscles, and joints in our body. In addition, many expressions and body movements are unconscious, starting from the lymphatic part of the brain and not from the neocortex, the most conscious part. Therefore, if you doubt, lie, want to look like what you are not for real, or host too many contradictions in your mind, your body, which is the faithful physical representation of what you are, will betray you and your incoherence will be exposed. So, be really yourself if you want to have impactful communication.
- Finally, since nonverbal language is a complex subject, much less an exact science, don't try to be too clever. Therefore, when observing someone, if you have doubts, ask questions, check if what you interpret really corresponds to reality, since, deep down, the fact of asking, with open questions, of looking for information, is still the best way to understand what is really happening. In other words, use verbal language to better understand nonverbal language. Build bridges between these two worlds, don't fall short of it. For this, surely, nature has endowed us with this wonderful ability to be able to speak.
Thank you so much for watching this video. And see you next time.
