The 'Either / OR' Story is Killing Your Workplace Results; AND is the Antidote

Either / OR thinking (and storytelling) is one of the biggest sources of tension and dysfunction in teams, companies, society AND in the world. It’s EVERYWHERE.?

EITHER / OR Kills Workplace Results

“Yes, but…that won’t work”

“Our way and our world view is the right one”

“Our team believes that team is wrong about….”

"Those people are wrong; we are right and only we are right."

Look around our media, our world, our news, our companies. Echo chambers all around. We don’t make progress or build relationships this way. Just this the other day around the narrative for marketing: "Humor is back; purpose is dead."

WHAT?! Humor has never gone anywhere and it is never at the expense of purpose. They work together. It's Humor AND Purpose.

Clickbait aside...what the actual blankety-blank?!

It's ridiculous and not in a great aww yeah way.

THE HIGH PRICE OF EITHER / OR?

When we get locked into one way of thinking, we alienate others, we shut them down (they are wrong, I am right), we hit communication and creativity impasses and create distrust, disconnection AND dysfunction.

EITHER / OR create poor communication, breakdowns, conflict and a lack of moving forward. We’ve seen it on the news where each side is “right.” So they say.

That is dysfunctional thinking because it keeps so many people, teams, companies and society stuck in old patterns that don't serve us. Sure, some things are black and white; so many things aren’t because they are shaped by our experiences. That means this right / wrong, my way/ your way, Either / OR thinking….creates more challenges than it solves.

When was the last time someone talked over you, told you you were wrong, and they were right? How long before you tuned out, disconnected and lost trust??

Each of us is guilty sometimes. It’s ok, we’ve all done it.?

A little self–diagnostic:

SCENARIO: You’re in a meeting and someone says something you disagree with about an idea.

DO YOU..?

1. Stop listening because you disagree
2. Cut them off to say ‘Yes but….’
3. Tell them they are wrong and it won’t work
4. Get curious and ask why they think as they do (“Tell me more..”)

Many of us would do 1, 2, and 3. I get it. No judgment.

The CHALLENGE of EITHER / OR suggests that there is ONLY 1 way to do something. And that way is YOUR way! Ha!

Yet number 4 is where we expand - our understanding, the possibilities and our relationships.

We’re all smart people, So we know that there are often multiple dimensions to an issue. And we hold one or multiple views based on OUR different experiences.

If that’s true…..then this must also be true: others hold views different from ours sometimes based on THEIR experiences.

BOTH / AND IS TRANSFORMATIONAL COMMUNICATION THAT LEADS TO INNOVATION AND RESULTS

Both / AND seeks to integrate ideas into a more complete whole so we move forward!

AND is an experimental, integrative mindset.

It’s the “yes and” concept from improv. I get it, some people think ‘theater.’? Ha! Nope. You don’t have to ‘perform theatrically’ to understand how transformational this is. Take it from me - a former marketing and comms leader in tech AND an improv and stand-up comedian.?

The concept of Yes AND allows improvisers on a stage to create magical on- the-spot storytelling and innovative thinking that allows us to create progress.? When we ‘yes and’ we move forward together. Because everyone adds on to the other’s ideas. When we don’t - we get stuck.?

YES AND:

-Say yes

-Accept ( yes!)

-Add on with an idea to move it forward (the and…(then your idea)

BOTH / AND DOES NOT MEAN…

• You agree with the idea
• That you will DO the idea
• That this is the only idea

BOTH / AND DOES

• Keep people from shutting down - they feel heard (yes and, I hear you) - because we are listening and not judging
• Generate bolder ideas?
• Create powerful and positive connection, communication and trust
• Expand? (this + that), and it allows for adaptable, bigger thinking in ANY MOMENT

BOTH / AND expands possibility and that’s huge for teams feeling heard, seen, connected, practicing positive communication and creative outcomes. It INTEGRATES different ideas into something bigger, bolder, better.

Ex: instead of yes but…which is EITHER / OR

Take 2 different points of view, for example, on how to build a strong community of users…

Sheila says the community does not need moderation

Rajesh says it needs strong moderators

Instead of arguing and going nowhere, we say yes and..

We can have them vote for their own moderators and moderators don’t have to do too much unless they need to based on guidelines they develop

AND

We can rotate the positions so we balance perspectives and work-load and people can choose their level of involvement and how active they want to be

AND

We can have 5 moderators and invite each one to share their perspectives in the group so the group feels they have a say in their own group guidelines

AND?

Everyone can get experience learning how moderating works so everyone in the community who wants to do it has a chance to learn and lead and choose their engagement level

BOTH / AND is exploring. It expands possibilities that were once limited. You can even do this with your life…A former leader and comedian who uses humor to build bolder teams and leaders who do bigger things? Check. A musician who plays in the orchestra for musicals and runs his own marketing agency? Check.?

It's Humor AND Purpose.

?

STOP LIMITING YOUR CAPACITY

You feel frustrated…it’s ok. You don’t have to give up integrity or your commitment to what you believe.?

By listening and looking for ways to bring ideas together, you’ll build trust, relationships, powerful communication, allies AND create some far better ideas. Sure, some ideas won’t work.?

Again, BOTH / AND doesn’t mean you have to do all the ideas.

You’re not marrying the idea; you’re just taking it out respectfully for a few drinks, dinner and a fun evening. You don’t have to call it the next day.

Options expand limits.

And you deserve a limitless life.