Eight Questions for Every Problem

 In the modern economy professional responsibilities have increased to new levels along with a corresponding demand for fast and accurate results. This condition amplifies the need to multi-task at a greater volume in and out of the office. As a consequence, managing inter-personal relationships under these conditions holds new and unintended challenges. People experiencing stress combined with the friction of an organization in motion, can struggle to solve their problems. This leads to more stress, which breeds conflict and reduces the performance, culture and morale of the institution.

We all have problems, but the root of stress is often connected to your attitude about managing those problems. Sometimes it is frame of mind that is the real problem. If you find yourself mired in problems, or dealing with what you believe to be a big problem, try to the following questions to transform your perspective. 

1. Is this a way of life problem, or an end of life problem? This is a question I got from Dov Seidman, author and CEO of LRN; an ethics and compliance firm. We all have heard the saying “If you have your health, you have everything.” Dov’s question artfully re-frames the issue and changes your thinking. 

 A healthy person does not have problems, they have situations. If you or a loved one has ever suffered a debilitating or fatal illness, or passed suddenly, you will understand how quickly priorities shift. Unless you are in grave danger, most all situations can be dealt with, and the results adaptable and livable. 

2. Is this within my control or out of my control? Most events are tied to the decisions, choices and actions you take in relation to another person or thing, (desiring a larger home in a more upscale neighborhood, for example). The literal translation of the word Karma is action. Your Karma is the result of your own action, which is a nice, philosophical way of saying that sometimes you are the cause of the problem!  So when the problem is in your control, start by understanding your actions. 

 Understanding your level of control in a situation will directly influence your intensity of stress and clarity of thinking. Occasionally you are placed into a random event. It could be nothing more than being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Then, it is important to recognize that this occurrence is not a judgement or punishment. It just happened. 

3. Is the event or person influencing the situation through action (substantial) or  opinion (insubstantial)? The Stoic philosophy of Marcus Aurelius’ Meditations closely aligns with the Taoist philosophy of the Tao de Ching. Both view action as the essence of life, while words and perceptions are merely the intellectualism of action. 

  The next time you are in conflict, ask yourself if this person is expressing an opinion, which means very little (insubstantial), or taking action (substantial), which demands awareness and response. People often get caught up in opinions, even gossip, and ignore the actual hazard. 

4. Am I responding with integrity, being the best I can, without compromising my personal values? Events come ago; self-respect lasts a lifetime. Living your personal/professional life in accordance to your own ruling principals will assure the best quality of life without being an autocrat or a subordinate. 

5. Am I doing the right thing? In times of conflict people act in unpredictable ways. But it may be easy to understand if you recognize the root cause of the response, which includes fear and anxiety. Both of these are largely based on comparing or memory. 

Comparing to a peer or manager, for example, elevates the status of the other. The perception that you now hold can only make you feel inferior, and therefore fearful. It may be also be a point in time: longing for the way things used to be. Comparing to the past can trigger fear, since it is linked to memory, which is familiar and consequently perceived as stability. This perception is not true, though.

 Both mental tricks: comparing and memory, can thrust you into the wrong mental direction. This line of thinking achieves the opposite effect: seeking stability through the very conditions that promote instability. So check yourself honestly. Make sure that you are not acting out of fear. 

6. Recognizing that everyone can be upset, have I allowed myself to be upset and then refocused on an action in response to the situation? Cultivating inner peace is a worthy goal, but Yin/Yang also means light and dark. Recognize that you will cycle through dark emotions and thoughts. The key is to allow them to occur and then let it go. If you hold on too long, the darkness becomes a more permanent part of you thinking, behavior and personality. And who wants that?

7. Who would be a good role model (real or fictional) for handling this type of situation? To assist in objective thinking and ideas for an ideal solution, try to think of someone you admire as your mentor. What advice would they give to you? This scenario is portrayed often in stories and myths when the hero is visited by a vision. It could be their parent (Mufasa, Simba’s father in Lion King) or mentor (Obi-Wan Kenobi in Star Wars). In reality, your own intuition is producing the answer. But this exercise will often trick the psyche and emotions long enough to produce the right solution.

8. Will I allow – repeat: will I allow this situation to impact my happiness and well-being? Life is a series of ups and downs - one does not exist without the other. It doesn’t seem to make sense when unfolding, but in hindsight your life plays out like a movie. And how you live it will determine if the movie is comedy, adventure or tragedy.

   Above all, remember that problems will come to your doorstep in their due time. Projecting into the problem before it arrives is just a drain on energy and time. Better to focus on any challenge, conflict or situation that is front of you today: here and now. You will have the capacity, knowledge and experience to face the next challenge at the moment it arrives.

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