Eight obstacles that keep you from achieving your goals

I read a post the other day about how resolutions are a waste of time because they never stick. The writer stated that she was focused instead on being more intentional.  

“Be more intentional” sounds a lot like a resolution to me….

There are lots of reasons why resolutions don’t stick, and none of them make goal-setting a waste of time.  

That’s all that resolutions are: they’re just goals with a fancy multi-syllabic name that we establish at the beginning of a specific timeframe: a new year. 

Enter the first obstacle to goal-getting: the time frame is so long, it’s overwhelming.  

Here are eight obstacles that keep you from achieving your goals, and what to do to overcome them.

Overcoming Obstacles

Obstacle #1 – The time frame is too long.

A whole year. That is SUCH a long time! Most of us can’t visualize what we’ll be doing next month, especially during these uncertain times. For many, a year is too long for setting a realistic, attainable goal.  

Instead of setting a year-long goal, set an incremental goal, or a series of incremental goals. One of the resolutions I set is to read 12 developmental books this year. That’s one per month. One book for personal growth per month is the incremental goal.  

If you set a goal to workout a certain number of days per week, set that goal for January only. At the end of January, evaluate whether that number was feasible. Certainly we want to set “stretch” goals, but there’s no sense in setting a goal that it’s literally impossible to achieve. Once you’ve evaluated your January number-of-workouts-per-week goal, set a new goal for February.

Obstacle #2 – Fear has kept you stuck. 

Fear of failure, of what people will think, even of success.

Fear is likely the number one factor that keeps us from making change and moving forward. The problem with fear is that it doesn’t show up as fear. It shows up as resistance, procrastination, stress, or rationalization.  

If you find that you are resisting or procrastinating, examine what is really causing your resistance. Literally ask yourself why you are resisting the activity that supports the accomplishment of your goal. It could be that fear is the reason. I published a blog post on fear earlier this month – check it out here.

You may also discover that you have a false, self-limiting belief that you need to address. You may discover that you have an emotional block or trigger. You may learn that you eat sweets because you want the happy chemicals therewith associated, because actually you’re struggling with loneliness and depression that you’re afraid to face. You may learn that you resist working out because none of your friends are fit and you’re afraid that they will tease, reject, or otherwise have negative feelings towards you if you get fit.  

You may even discover that you don’t actually care about achieving the goal you have set – that it just isn’t that important to you. More on that in Obstacle #8. 

Once you know what is really the reason you are resisting, you can go to work on that.

Obstacle #3 – You haven’t set the conditions for your success.

Your environment is the most important factor that determines your success at achieving a goal.  

If you set a resolution to pay off all unsecured debt this year, but your favorite social activity is to go shopping with friends, then you have not set yourself up for success.  

If your goal was to transform your eating habits this year and eat according to your Metabolic Type?  but you haven’t filled your pantry with foods that are right for your nutritional needs, then you have not set yourself up for success.  

If your goal was to go hiking a certain number of times this year but your spouse, partner, family, or best friend tell you that hiking is selfish and a waste of time, then you have not set yourself up for success.  

Setting the conditions for your success means that you have identified potential pitfalls, created an environment that supports your success, made the activities that support your success convenient and easily accessible, and that you’ve got the social support that you need to persevere. 

Obstacle #4 – You actually don’t feel like you deserve it.

Our subconscious beliefs shape our reality. If you subconsciously – or consciously – believe that you are not worthy of being successful, then you’re not going to be successful.  

Consider the source of your feelings of unworthiness. Childhood trauma? A series of conditioning microtraumas throughout your life? Behavior that was modeled for you during your upbringing? Or perhaps that you’ve lived so long the way that you are right now, you simply can’t imagine what it would be like to be any other way?  

If you are self-sabotaging, there is a reason. Likely, that reason is buried in your mental models. It takes a lot of courage to explore your feelings and really see yourself. You can develop this self-awareness through prayer and meditation, or with the help of a life coach or counselor.  

Obstacle #5 – You have a false belief about what (healthy, fit, financially secure, etc.) people are like.

My extended family thinks that healthy people are high-maintenance and no fun.  

Maybe that’s the case for you too – that you or the people around you have a belief that contradicts the change you are seeking to create.  

If you believe that healthy people are high-maintenance and no fun, why would you want to be healthy?!  

If you believe that wealthy people are selfish jerks, why would you want to be financially secure?  

If you believe that women who lift weights get bulky, and that muscle-bulk is unattractive, then why would you want to lift weights?  

If you believe that to be successful as a business owner or corporate professional you have to work yourself to death and sacrifice your happiness, why would you want professional success?

Those are just a few examples, but there are loads more.  

If you or the people around you have these false beliefs that stand in the way of what you are trying to achieve, then you are living in a contradiction and you won’t be successful.  

The first step to overcoming these false beliefs is to identify them. The next step is to unpack them: where did they come from?  Are they true? The last step is to create a version of reality that is true and aligned with your goal.  

Create and believe the reality that healthy people have all the fun in the world, because they have the energy to do it. Believe that financially secure people are honest, kind, responsible, and generous and that financial freedom leads to greater generosity and greater good. Believe that women who lift weights are stronger, healthier, and more functionally capable, and remember that it is a myth that women “bulk up,” unless they’re trying to do so. Believe that you can be professionally successful with balance, alignment, and bliss.  

Achieving your goals may require changing your beliefs. You can’t achieve a goal that you associate with someone or something that you don’t want to be.  

Obstacle #6 – You don’t know WHAT to do or HOW to do it.

In many cases, achieving a goal requires that you learn a new skill or new skill set.  

If you’ve set a goal to exercise three times a week this year, but you don’t know what to do, you’ll first need to learn how to exercise. This is where a personal trainer, coach, and group fitness program can be helpful.

The same applies to any kind of goal.  

If you have a goal this year to grow your business but are new to business-ownership, it makes sense to work with a business coach.  

If you have a goal this year to go hiking 18 times, like I do, then it makes sense to join a hiking meet-up to learn where to park for the local trails.  

If you have a goal to transform your health this year, to stop being stressed and chronically symptomatic, so that you can be fully present at home and at work, then it makes sense to work with a coach who can investigate the root cause of your health issues and provide you a customized protocol for health transformation.

If you have a goal that you don’t actually know what to do to accomplish, seeking coaching and learning the skill set required will be an important part of being successful. 

Obstacle #7 – You take an all-or-nothing approach.

I can totally relate to this. When I founded Strength & Shield Coaching LLC, I enrolled in FOUR different business coaching programs. I needed to learn all the things! I needed to do all the things right away! If I’m going to do something, I’m going all in, full tilt, all-out. 

The problem with all-or-nothing is that it isn’t sustainable, and often results in burn-out and loss of motivation. Trying to attend the calls and complete the coursework for multiple coaching programs at one time was a terrible idea. I was tired, felt constantly rushed, and started to have negative feelings about what I was learning. There are action steps from those programs that I still haven’t given my attention, because it was too much at one time.  

If you took an all-or-nothing approach to your resolutions, you may have burned out, lost motivation, or just given up all together.  

Instead of taking an all-or-nothing approach, be deliberately incremental.  

Say you wanted to set a goal to workout five days a week, but right now you’re working out once a week, if at all. Going from once-per-week to five-per-week might be too much of a stretch.  

Instead, set an incremental goal, which looks like this: three-per-week is your minimum. You are totally committed to working out three times per week. Four is awesome, and even better. Five is the actual goal, but three is your absolute minimum.  

If you get three, you celebrate your success, and you aren’t susceptible to the abstinence violation effect. The A.V.E. is what keeps you from working out at all when you know you can’t hit your goal. It sounds like this, “I know I can’t get five in this week, so I’ll just skip this week altogether.” If you can relate to this mindset, I wrote a blog post on the abstinence violation effect that I recommend you take a look at!

Setting a minimum goal that is realistic keeps you in the fight even if it isn’t your ideal goal. So when you do workout five days a week, reward yourself for rocking the free world. Keep count of the number of weeks you achieve this goal and reward yourself for hitting a certain number of weeks.  

This is just an example, but it is one that you can apply to any goals that you set. Avoid all-or-nothing burn-out by setting incremental, realistic goals!  

Obstacle #8 – You don’t have a strong enough reason WHY.

Do you know why your goal is important to you? Do you really connect with that reason why?  

If you’re struggling to achieve a goal, it could be that you just don’t have a strong enough reason why you want to achieve it, or it could be that you aren’t connecting with that reason why in a powerful, emotional, intentional way.  

I recommend that, for every goal you have set, you write down the reason(s) why it is important to you. Write it down at regular intervals – daily or once a week.  

For every goal you have set, ask yourself “why?” at least five times. The five why-questions can provide you five reasons for a goal, or they can build on themselves, wherein you’re asking why about the previous “why,” which will help you connect emotionally with your goal.  

Here are a couple of examples:  

In this example, I’ll come up with five reasons why I have set one of my goals.

Goal: Go hiking 18 times this year.  

Why 1? Because I enjoy nature and want to be out in it.

Why 2? Because hiking is a great social activity to bring friends together.

Why 3? Because it provides a social outlet that doesn’t revolve around food, alcohol, or spending money.

Why 4? Because it provides a recovery activity that supports my CrossFit workouts.

Why 5? Because it relieves stress and makes me happy.  

In this next example, I’ll ask why about the why, to connect deeply with my motivation.

Goal: Make peace with my feelings of inadequacy.

1 – Why? Because feeling inadequate is stressful.

2 – Why is feeling inadequate stressful?  

Because it makes me feel like I’m not worthy of love, which is stressful because as a human and an extrovert, I crave acceptance and belonging.   

3 – Why does it make me feel like I’m not worthy of love?  

Because I have a false mental model that tells me that to earn love, I have to provide.  

4 – Why do I have a false mental model around providing?  

Because of modeled behavior, subconscious conditioning from life experiences, and past trauma.

5 – Why is it important to let go of my false mental model around providing?  

Because sometimes I make my relationships and interactions about me, which detracts from the connection.

6 – Why does feeling inadequate cause me to make interactions about me?

Because despite is being unrealistic, my desire and inability to provide all the things all the time causes me to feel defensive and to need to explain myself.  

7 – Why does feeling defensive and needing to explain detract from connection?

Because my energy shifts, I become more closed, I start listening to defend instead of to really hear, and the emotional burden of those feelings causes me to be distracted.  

8 – Why is it important to stay energetically present and open, to listen to really hear, and to not be distracted by negative feelings?  

So that I can stop making our interactions about me, give the people I love my full attention, show the people I love how valuable they are to me, and have meaningful and fulfilling relationships.  

That took a lot of why-asking, but I got to the core of why I want to make peace with my feelings of inadequacy: so that I can give my people my full attention and have meaningful relationships.  

These reasons are deeply emotional. By being aware of them and connecting to them, I am much more likely to achieve this goal. You can do this for every goal that you have set!  

One last thing, as you examine your motivation and write down your reasons why, you may actually discover that you don’t have a strong reason why. You may discover that you really don’t care very much about your goal, but set it because you thought you should, or to please someone else, or because it sounds like it would be nice to have.  

Maybe you set a goal to have six-pack abs. But to achieve that goal, you need to cut out all sweets and alcohol. And you’re just not willing to entirely give up sweets and alcohol. Your desire for six-pack abs isn’t strong enough to overcome your desire for an occasional treat. Now you know that you don’t have a strong enough “why” to support what you really were just wishing for. This why-asking process shows you what is a goal, and what is just a wish.  

In his book, UnF*ck Yourself, Gary John Bishop describes the concept of willingness. Despite the language, I highly recommend this book! It may be that you simply aren’t willing to do what’s necessary to achieve your goal, because it just isn’t that important to you.  And that’s OK.  

Realizing that a goal just isn’t that important to you is not failure, but a relief. Now you can let it go and devote your energy to that which actually is important to you.  

Start again. Start now.  

Setting a goal is absolutely a worthwhile endeavor, and you don’t need a new year to make a resolution. Goal-setting provides us clarity and focus, without which we won’t do the things required to create the change we want.  

If your resolutions didn’t stick, you can start again.  

If you didn’t set resolutions but actually do want to make some changes in your life, you can start now.  

Optimal is possible.