Eight Days of Purification: Day 3 and Day 4
?...Kathleen Kasper-Kat Armstrong
? Content Writing ?? Sales ??Training ? Community Support & Office Assistance ? Recruiting & Team Building
Eight Days of Purification: Day 3 and Day 4
Kathleen (Kasper-Kat) Armstrong, (w)Holy Ghostwriter
? January 4, 2025
Strenghtening relationships with others has it's challenges. When I spent some time considering how I might strengthen this area of my life I noticed four primary areas that needed to be addressed.
1. Define what you consider to be close verses cordial relationships.
Everyone has their own idea as to what constitutes a "good friend" or someone who they merely choose to treat cordially. I specifically noted these two primary types of relationships as cordial and close for a reason. Some people have a knack for forming close relationships with people who they work with, and for them, some of their closest relationships may be with work associates. It makes sense that work associations we have might become close associates when we consider the amount of time we spend with these people. Time was one of the defining terms I had input into my personal definition of a close associate. For me, a close associate is someone who has taken the time to get to know me. These people are interested in what makes me tick. What lights me up, what diminishes my wellspring? Another determining factor (besides someone who invests time in getting to know me) is that a close associate is someone who truly cares about my wellbeing. I've heard it said many times that "you'll know who your true friends are when you face a difficulty." I believe in a sense this is true. Those who are concerned when you're hurting and rejoice when you thrive reveal people who clothes us with the very best attire possible. It's easy to believe that someone who isn't there for an important event isn't someone who cares--yet if you think about the flipside of this, you'll know that a person who cares tries to believe the best about those who they love that aren't there when we want them to be there. Biblically speaking, I realized when leading a group of people through a Bible study that the true essence of belief in God isn't merely to believe that there is a God that exists: to become a genuine believer one must believe that God is good and that God truly is interested in what is best for us (James 2:19) reveals this truth. For me, I consider both people I interact with that I don't know well and enemies "cordial associates." Clearly it makes sense to be cordial with others we don't know; however there are benefits to being cordial with an enemy also. This leads to the next main point I determined is needed to strenghten both close and cordial relationships.
2. Learn about and practice being a healthy loving companion.
After finishing up the last article regarding ways one might strengthen their emotional and mental wellbeing, I had one concern. As much as it's important to try to give people the benefit of the doubt and want the best for others, there are people who truly only care about their own wellbeing and those who will benefit them. Saying what makes people "feel good," but doesn't encourage integrity can encourage wrong-doing (whether we mean to do so or not). Being a healthy loving companion doesn't mean that you must be a doormat; nor does it mean that you treat others the way they deserve to be treated. Most people, at some time in their lives have heard about the royal rule: treat others the way you wish to be treated. The problem with this rule is that by being general, it can cause people to mistake this to mean that you should litterally do for others what you want done for you. We are all very different; some of us may need a fast-paced environment that invigorates us--others may need a slow-paced environment that helps with maintaining mindfulness. To complicate matters, people are complex creatures: one minute we may need solitude and the next minute companionship; this makes practicing the royal rule more difficult. Although there are tons of books that have been written on this topic, sometimes, it does some good to actually take time to consider what love looks like to YOU, rather than letting others decide what this looks like. When I consider the fact that a loving person has made up their mind to truly want what is beneficial to others, this strengthens my ability to be available to others who also care in this way. In other words, when I fail to actually care about others wellbeing, I set myself up to blocking those who practice being a healthy loving companion to draw near to us. Yet, by practicing healthy loving traits (to the best of my ability) -- some relationships can be transformed into healthy loving companions over the course of time.
3. Don't seek out many close relationships.
Having many close relationships certainly has benefits. Having had the opportunity to lead recovery groups, I appreciated one insight that was included in the "Celebrate Recovery" Leader's Guide and participant workbooks: understand the importance of a team. Although you will find this idea of teamwork being important in secular recovery groups, in many of these groups--due to the encouragement for people to get a sponsor, it can deflect from people realizing that teams are also important to our livelihood; this is not to say teamwork isn't found in the pages of a secular recovery program, in fact this is the heart of service that is encouraged. Yet, a team member isn't always a close associate. Consider how you ended up having a place to live and food to eat. It took a team of people to provide these things to each and every person on this planet; and most of us don't even know the people who provided these things. Simply by practicing the traits of being a healthy loving companion, we become part of a team of people that helps to build healthy communties. The problem with seeking out many close relationships is two-fold. It's easy to feel insecure if you see others have what appears to be many close friendships. You may determine your value is less than others based on who has more close relations, yet when you do this, it leads to forming close relations to look good and often ends poorly. If you seek out close relationships with people who don't care about you, inevitably you will be led astray. In addition to the problem of gaining relations that can lead you astray, the more close relations you have, the less time you have to develop intimacy with each of these people. On the flip-side, this doesn't mean that having many close relationships means that those you are connected with don't care about you, or that it's impossible to gain intimacy with many people. This point is meant to encourage thoughtfulness in determining who and why you might consider someone a close associate rather than a cordial associate. Keep in mind, the one person you have the most influence to change is YOU. Although you may not always know how to be your own best friend, and your efforts may fail to produce what you most need; by determining to at least try to be a loving and healthy companion to yourself, you build skills for being a loving and healthy companion to others.
4. Determine your strengths and weaknesses
There are benefits to strengthening weaknesses we have, yet, when you consider the hours you have in a day, it's good to remember that leveraging your strengths and building upon your strengths has even more benefits. Say, for example you a phenominal surgeon who struggles with managing your paperwork. You could determine to spend five of the ten hours you have available to managing your paperwork, and have five hours left to provide your expert skills to healing others. Most of us know that as a surgeon you may earn far more money in an hour than it costs to hire a person who loves (and is good at) doing paperwork. Think about it, if being a surgeon lights you up, spending time researching and strengthening your medical techniqes will not only will be enjoyable, this will also produce far more good than struggling for hours on something that could have been managed by someone who loves to manage paperwork. This was NOT noted here to encourge people to make excuses for disregarding important tasks they ought to tend. Always, a balanced approach to living ought to be considered. Even someone who loves being a surgeon may struggle with tasks that they must manage. A good worker (what ever task they set their sights on achieving) considers every task that is required in their day, before determining the most productive use of their time. Luke 14 refers to this healthy trait as being like a builder or a king who reflects on what is most necessary to successfully achieving what they have determined is necessary for the task at hand. What's more Eccesiastes 11 encourages people to do what is good where-ever you go. Good tasks are likened to good seeds that has an opportunity to grow; and yet, because we cannot determine the outcome of the good we put forth. Matthew 13 builds on this premise moreover to show what King Solomon stated in Eccesiastes chapter eleven. Knowing that we have little influence over outcomes of the good work we put forth, we choose well, when using our strengths (rather than our weaknesses) for the good of both cordial and close relations--for we know not what one will produce the good results we hope for.
If you missed the first part of this series, I've included the links to the first two posts in this series below. The purpose of this series is aimed at providing a general overview of an eight-day practice that can help with preparing a set of resolutions (you hope to achiever) each year based upon each area of your life that can be strengthened. Although this post does not include many references to other materials that may be helpful to you, each day in this series contains a few options that you may wish to consider.
References For Day 3 and 4 (for strengthening relations with others):
Although many people may not struggle with an addiction to alcohol or notice any other substances that causes them to stumble, the principles put together by recovery resources were created to be helpful to people seeing and managing the weaknesses they have. What's even more important to consider, there are people you will encounter that do struggle with some form of addiction; for this reason it may be worth an investment to learn more about the principles that many people follow to be free of challenges they have had to deal with in their daily life.
领英推荐
1. Alcoholics Anonymous (the official "Big Book") published by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services Inc (available at Barnes and Noble):
Here you will learn about the founding program that has produced many 12 step programs world-wide. Twelve-step groups that are based on the Big Book assist members with a variety of areas: some groups assist members with portion control of food they eat ( known as Food Addicts Anonymous); some groups assist people who consistently struggle with intimate relations (known as Sex Addicts Anonymous), and others provide helpful suggestions that assist people who are in a relationship with someone who is struggling (such as Adult Children of Alcoholics, Codependant's Anonymous, and Alanon).
2. Celebrate Recovery published by Harper Christian Resources (available at Amazon): Mentioned specifically in this article is a Christian guide to the twelve steps. Each participant guide reveals where each of the principles found in the original "Big Book" of Alchoholics Anonymous is found in the "Holy Bible." Like the secular counter-part, Celebrate Recovery holds meetings at many local churches and offers a number of resources to assist people who are struggling with "hurts, habits and hangups." Whether you are a Christian or not, their resources may be helpful in assisting those who struggle with the term "addiction," to see how this term is meant to reflect challenges every person must manage in their daily life.
Linkedin Notes:
Day 1: Strengthening principles that guide your life and your spiritual connection with God:
Day 2:Strengthening your emotional and mental wellbeing
Facebook Notes:
Day 1:Strengthening principles that guide your life and your spiritual connection with God:
Day 2::Strengthening your emotional and mental wellbeing