Ego vs. Results: Which Comes First? Resolving Conflicts in the Way We Work

This week, I led a project that brought together two very different technical teams, each with senior technical leads who had been working in their respective areas for decades. We were under pressure, with tight timelines and high demands. I issued requests to the tech leads to outline their activities, scope, and deliverables, expecting quick turnaround to meet our deadlines.

But instead of cooperation, I received blunt pushback. The response was clear: "This is unacceptable. Things happen in order. I need at least 48 hours' notice for any request. This is fundamental project management." My coworker then followed up by sending me an eBook on the fundamentals of project management.

When I read it, my initial reaction was: WTF?

I have managed way more complex projects than this, and we’re on a client-imposed deadline that is non-negotiable. I’m used to fast-paced environments and strategic, big-picture thinking, so this approach felt slow, frustrating, and contradictory to what we needed to get done.

Clearly, this person wasn’t just pushing back on timelines—they were asserting authority and trying to establish conflict upfront. The message was clear: ego was at play here, and I was left at a crossroads. I could fight back, protect my own ego, and escalate the conflict, or I could shift my focus and prioritize what really mattered—delivering results to meet the client’s deadline.

Overcoming Ego: Prioritizing Results

It would have been easy to react, to defend my approach, and to push back hard against the resistance. But I realized that doing so would only escalate the tension and create unnecessary friction in an already intense environment. My ego wanted to push through, to show that I could manage the situation better than anyone, but I knew that prioritizing the client's needs and the project’s success had to come first.

As I reflected, I understood that this coworker’s pushback was coming from a place of discomfort. They were used to working in a more linear, structured environment where change and rapid requests were not the norm. Hybrid work, with multiple communication channels like email, Teams, Slack, and calls, can easily overwhelm someone used to a more straightforward, in-office workflow. This person had likely thrived in an environment where the only disruption was a tap on the shoulder, not the constant flow of messages and requests from multiple channels.

So, instead of reacting with my own ego, I pivoted. I set up an alignment meeting and created a simple, clear slide outlining the key touchpoints, timelines, and communication flow we would use moving forward. To my surprise, the team got on board, and by the end of the week, we had the project plan in place and alignment with the deliverables.

Ego vs. Results: The Leadership Choice

This experience reminded me that true leadership isn’t about asserting dominance or proving who’s right. It’s about recognizing when ego is getting in the way of results. In this case, I could have escalated the conflict to prove my experience or expertise, but it would have derailed the project and created tension that would have ultimately hurt the client.

As introverted leaders, we naturally reflect before we act. This reflection helped me see that preserving the team’s dynamic and getting the project delivered on time was far more important than proving my point. I realized that sometimes the best way to lead is by stepping back, adjusting the approach, and focusing on the bigger picture—getting results.

Conclusion: When Results Come First

At the end of the day, leadership is about making the right decisions for the project, the team, and the client. It’s about knowing when to push and when to pivot. It’s about delivering results, even when it means swallowing your ego and choosing a different approach.

In this case, it wasn’t about winning the argument. It was about aligning the team, meeting the client’s deadline, and ensuring that we moved forward without unnecessary conflict. Ego may feel like a natural response, but in leadership, results are what really matter.