Ego

Previous Part - Fear

We congregated after a quick break. As soon as we sat on our seats, someone knocked on the door.

"Sorry we have this conference room", a lanky bespectacled man said with a slight impatient on his face.

"Guys, we just lost track of time and I forgot that I could not book the room for the whole day.", I said.

"Lets go to the Carlos' conference room. Carlos is out of office so it is probably available.", Adnan suggested.

We made our way to Carlos' office. We breathed sigh of relief when we saw the room empty. We entered the room and as I was closing the door, Rose, Carlos' EA came running.

"Guys please leave this room.", Rose demanded.

"Is there any meeting scheduled here?", I asked

"No but this is the VP conference room and you are not allowed to have a meeting here.", Rose said in a stern tone.

"But the room is just empty and we can't find any other conference room at this time. It is an important meeting for Carlos' managers.", I implored Rose.

"I don't care. I have clear instructions to shoo away the squatters."

I felt insulted and could feel adrenaline rushing as my amygdala was in the process of getting hijacked. Rose's reaction was not in the spirit of company's values and principles. But before I could unload it on Rose, my prefrontal cortex, the rational part of the brain gained control.

"Thank you for informing us Rose. Sorry for the trouble. We will find alternate arrangements.", I said.

"Sorry guys but you can't just enter in the VP conference room like this. You need to respect the boundaries.", Rose said.

Both Rose and Carlos were hired from industry recently so they probably didn’t have the context on the company's culture and values. I took a deep breath and faced the people in the group. They all also sighed deeply as if they were holding their breath during this intense encounter.

"Lets go to the lake." Selena suggested. "It’s a beautiful day, we can take a walk, sit by lake and get some sun."

"Brilliant idea.", Arthur said as the mood of the group lightened up.

We reached the pier at the beautiful blue lake surrounded by green trees. We sat in a circle lake side.

"So what is the second biggest enemy of decision making." Adnan asked.

"Need you ask?", I said.

"Ego.", Shiva said with a smile.

"Whoa!!", both Adnan and Arthur said in unison.

"As you may have just noticed, we seem to have a lot of it around here.", Selena said.

"Having healthy ego is a natural need but if you let it inflate too much, it can certainly impair your decision making. When you think you already know the best and the most, you can't learn anything new. What worked in the past may not work tomorrow and if you don’t have beginners mind, you will make mistakes.", Adnan added.

"What you are alluding to is that most of the times ego is built on the foundation of real skills. No matter how good you are, you can't be right all the time. If you insist on making every decision, you will make avoidable mistake.", Arthur said.

"Arthur, if leaders deprive their people from making decision, it takes the joy away from work. If I am treated like a minion, I will not be happy working there. Wait, I am treated like a minion here.", Selena added in her typical sarcastic tone.

"Ego can blindside leaders into making wrong decision in two ways. One, when they believe they know the best and do not ask questions and seek counsel from their people. Second, when they believe someone or something has hurt their ego. This perceived hurt then can blind them into making some really stupid decisions. A snake bites a man. The man is so enraged that he runs after the snake causing his heart to beat faster and the poison to spread faster.", I added.

"Well how do you control the ego?", Arthur asked.

"I feel the first step is self-awareness. You may have a big ego and not even realize the damage it is causing in your life. The second step is self regulation. Once you realize the problem, only then you can take steps towards fixing the problem.", Selena replied.

"Look at my tattoo.", Adnan said folding the arm of shirt. It read 'Memento Mori'.

"I am a big fan of the stoic philosophy. It gives me structure and direction to live a good life. It reminds me that everything will come to an end.", Adnan added.

"What a beautiful thought Adnan. It reminds me of Ozymandias, a poem from P.B. Shelley.", Selena said.

"I want to ask you, what is Ego?", Shiva asked.

"Well it is an inflated sense of self importance", Selena said cautiously.

"Well what is self?", Shiva asked.

Shiva's question met with silence.

"Is Selena you? So If I write Selena on a piece of paper, is that you? Is your body you? If you lose a hand, do you have less of you? If not then is your mind you? But your mind is changing all the time too. If you lose some memories, are you still you? If your mind does not define self then does your consciousness define your self? So when you are sleeping, your self ceases to exist? If you continue the process of elimination, you will realize that self doesn't exit. Losing your ego is the biggest ego trip. One guru asked his followers to lose their ego. After some time these followers started comparing with each other as, who lost more ego. Losing your ego is ridiculous when it doesn't even exist." Shiva said.

"If ego doesn't then why do Carlos and Rose act like they do?", Selena asked.

"We act the way we do is because we construct a separate sense of self. All life is connected. Before I was a man, I was an ape. Before I was an ape, I was a mouse. Before I was a mouse, I was a fish. I am still a fish. I am still a mouse. I am still an ape and I am also a man. We are so thoroughly programmed during our lives that we don’t even realize that we are not separate self. What is Yoga? Yoga means union. When you feel connected to the universe that you lose the separate sense of self, you achieve Yoga. When you do, you only feel unconditional love towards every single organism.", Shiva said.

"What a beautiful thought Shiva. This is our Ubuntu.", I said.

"My laptop is Ubuntu.", Arthur said with excitement.

"Shiva, it was a very moving discussion. My understanding of ego went from physical to philosophical and meta-physical. I have once felt the union you are referring to. It was during a Sufi dance in Turkey. I felt one with humanity. I felt invulnerable and free from any fear.", Adnan said.

"You touch upon a very important aspect Adnan. Fear. Ego also emerges from the deep seeded fear of rejection. Ego is just another manifestation of fear. It is also interesting that you used the phrase 'free of fear', which I believe is different from fearless. Fearless is someone who feels fear but does not act out the fear. Free from fear is one dimension above fearless. They are invulnerable.", Shiva added.

As sun was setting, I felt that we ran out of words as everyone was deeply moved by our discussions and connections we formed. It was the perfect opportunity to conclude our day and reflect on it as we all went home.

"Friends, we all have lots of thoughts and emotions emerging from our discussion today. We can take the rest of the day to meditate over that as we conclude our day here. I feel fortunate to have known all of you and thank you for enriching my life with your thoughts.", I said.

We thanked each other as we all made way to our homes. As I was walking towards the bus stop, I kept thinking about Shiva's words. All life is connected. As I meditated on this, I had an oceanic experience. My self was not limited under my skin. Entire world around me seemed connected to me. I was limitless. I was invulnerable. I was free of fear. Tears of joy rolled down my cheeks uncontrollably. My whole body was shaking.

"Are you all right?", a lady in her late fifties asked me.

"You know, you and I, we are not separate", I replied.

"No we are not.", She said with a smile.

Final Part - The End