Ego is our greatest Enemy
Today I laid to rest one of the biggest hero’s and inspirations of my life. The following is a short summary of the last lesson he taught me which I felt worth sharing.
Barry Clarke was born on the 3rd March 1937 and left us on the morning of the 20th August 2019. He grew up through the throws of the Second World War during a very poor time in Australia. His father was a pig farmer and his mother was the stereotypical housewife of the 50’s. Barry married Joyce in 1957 and had two children, Kym (my mum) and Errol. Barry was my Grandfather, or to me, simply Pop.
Fast forward to today and I am extremely fortunate to work in a job that I love. My work enables me to lead Projects that will make a genuine difference to the way of life for Australians. My work puts a roof over the heads of my family and puts food on our table. My work challenges me on a daily basis and provides me with countless opportunities to improve and get better.
I have my Pop to thank for this. Barry was a bridge foreman for Main Roads in NSW (now known as RMS) for over 30 years. He worked throughout NSW building bridges in locations as far north as Tweed Heads and as far south as Bowral. Highlights included the Terranora Creek bridge in Tweed Heads, one of the first incrementally launched bridges in Australia, the old Harwood River Bridge and the Murwillumbah Bridge.
Barry retired young at 55 which gave me huge amounts of time to spend with him in my younger years. To this day I still get goosebumps when I drive past a bridge that Pop built. The fact that these structures provide vital links for communities and a legacy that will last long after he is gone has driven me into my line of work. In my career today the two questions I ask myself before committing to any Project are “will my boys be proud of what I am doing” and “will it have a positive benefit on the community”. Ticking both of these boxes gives my work true meaning and ensures I love what I do. I have Barry to thank for inspiring me down this path.
The last lesson my Pop taught me while still with us may prove to be his most valuable. Barry developed dementia in mid-2018, his mother had it before him and I believe he knew it was always coming. Seeing the disease wreak havoc on what was once a brilliant mind has been terrible to see, but in a strange way it has also been liberating.
As a fit, healthy male in my thirties it is easy to ignore the cold hard fact that the end is inevitable. Watching life escape my Pop over the last six months, and ultimately saying goodbye to him last week bought home the stark realisation that the end comes. It doesn’t care how important you are, what you have achieved or how it will impact others. It comes, and it will probably be ugly.
Pop’s last lesson to me was unspoken but extremely clear. It wasn’t that I need to spend more time with my family, or aim for a greater work life balance, I honestly don’t think Barry held any of those regrets at the end. Rather I need to kill my ego. Squash it. Completely eradicate it. I need to always remember that the end is real and always coming. That any time I waste worrying about how others perceive me or my work is time I will never get back.
In far too many instances I have wasted valuable time procrastinating on how others will perceive my ideas and opinions. I have taken offence when receiving critical feedback. I have let how society may perceive my choices skew my decision making process. I have let others perceptions of me impact how I feel about what I am doing.
As Barry laid there dying I could see myself in the same position clear as day. This wasn’t depressing or scary but rather humbling and empowering. We have one shot this, it goes damn fast and the end will likely be either early or ugly. Our ego’s are powerful beasts that serve no other purpose than to hold us back. Take criticism for what it is and learn from it. Kill any fear of “doing things the wrong way”. Make sure that when your turn comes, what you have achieved has not been limited by any fears you have of what others will think of you.
I will sign off with a quote from Marcus Aurelius, one of the great stoic philosophers and a 2,000 year old piece of wisdom that is just as applicable today as it was then.
"You could leave life right now. Let that determine what you say and think"
Senior Cad Designer
5 年Sorry for your loss??
Civil Designer at BG&E
5 年Beautuful words.
Account Executive at Autodesk
5 年Nice words, he’d be proud of that mate. Worth a read is Eckhart Tolle’s A New Earth. Goes in depth about the ego and how to work around it
Associate Director at AT&L
5 年thankyou for sharing Stuart, agree with your thoughts entirely, unfortunately a lot of folks aren't even aware of when it's their ego speaking in their mind or driving their behaviour, but with awareness then comes the opportunity to observe their behaviour and then live/behave based on the values that are real to them. The ego can often make us defensive which makes us unable to be open to other peoples views or ways of thinking that differ to our own. There are a whole lot of our so called world leaders that could learn from this…. spread the word I say!?
creative, innovative, urban design and engagement
5 年Thank you for sharing this personal story, I’m sure many people who read this will think about the values your Dad embodied and how you have lived these values yourself. I wanted to write one comment on the ‘ugly end’...yes, it’s true that death has this, but what I thought when I read your words was that your Dad’s death was actually another gift to your life, because it was this event that gave you such strong clarity and insight about the core of life; I just wanted to share this idea about death having something very precious and valuable within it. Obviously it’s sad and painful for everyone, and grief is not something to wish for anyone; but there’s still this aspect of it also holding something of lasting value, in the perspective and insight and clarity it may give.