Effectively Leading at Home: Where it Matters Most

Did you know that almost 95% of the time we spend with our children happens before they turn 18?

This startling statistic reminds us that our moments with our loved ones are precious and fleeting.

As parents and partners, our roles at home are our most significant leadership positions, where our actions and decisions have the deepest impact.

Building CABLES Behaviors as a Parent and Spouse/Partner

Consistency - The Foundation of Trust

Imagine you're building a house where every brick must be placed perfectly to ensure the structure stands strong. In parenting and partnerships, consistency acts like those bricks. Consistency is about walking the talk.

For example, if you promise to attend your child's soccer game or spend a special evening with your partner, following through on these promises shows that you can be trusted and depended upon.

Whatever standard you hold either your children, your spouse or your partner to, you better be willing to hold yourself to it as well.

Also, when you consistently show love, support, and reliability, you create a safe and stable environment for your loved ones.

Appreciation - The Art of Being Grateful

Think about a time someone thanked you for something small you did; didn't it make your day a little brighter?

This is the power of appreciation. Regularly expressing gratitude to your partner and children strengthens bonds and boosts their self-esteem.

It could be as simple as thanking your child for helping with chores or telling your partner how much you appreciate their support during a tough day.

A habit I have created is to regularly text my children to let them know something I appreciate about them, this is always met with a "Thank You" and "I love you". It takes so little time to have such a large impact on someone else.

In the mornings, I make coffee and bring it up to my wife before she gets out of bed. That is a way that I demonstrate my appreciation for her and all that she does.

These acts are continuing to strengthen the relationship bridge I am building with them.

Belongingness - Creating a Family Team

Everyone wants to feel like they are part of a team or a family. When you foster a sense of belonging, you make your home a place where everyone feels secure and accepted.

This might look like planning family nights where each member picks an activity, or ensuring that everyone's opinions are considered in family decisions.

When our kids were younger, we always had dinner at the table together. As our kids are now older, 17, 20, and 26. Dinner is not feasible. That said, we have still found time to get together on a regular basis to keep the bond of belongingness strong.

It's about making sure everyone knows they are an essential part of the family team.

Listening - More Than Hearing Words

Listening involves fully understanding what your loved ones are saying, both verbally and non-verbally.

It means really hearing your child’s concerns about school or truly understanding your partner's work stress. This is one of the most difficult behaviors for me as a "fixer".

I continually have to remind myself, or am reminded(Thank you, Cyndi), that not everything needs to be fixed and sometimes the other person just wants to be heard.

By showing that their thoughts and feelings matter, you’ll solve problems more effectively and connect more deeply.

Empathy - Walking in Their Shoes

Empathy is about feeling with your family, not just for them. When your child is upset, instead of just offering a quick fix, sit down and feel their disappointment with them. This is another opportunity to imaging back to when I was my childs age. How would I have responded?

Show your spouse/partner you understand their frustrations by sharing their emotional load. Empathy allows you to guide your children and support your partner with compassion and understanding.

Specifics - Clear Directions and Expectations

Clear expectations are vital. This could be as simple as setting bedtime routines or household responsibilities. When everyone knows what’s expected, there’s less confusion and more harmony.

For example, discussing how household chores are divided or what behavior you expect from your children teaches them how to meet expectations and contribute positively to the family.

Follow through or accountability is key to this one. I use to explain to my children as promises as it related to both rewards and punishments.

I would provide the example that if I told one of my kids I would pay them for doing a chore, they would not like it if I didn't keep my promise and not pay them.

The same expectation should be there if they didn't follow through on what was expected. There was a consequence that was promised and I would follow through on my promise.

Leadership Where It Counts

In the grand story of life, leading effectively at home is perhaps the most profound legacy we can leave.

By incorporating the CABLES behaviors into our daily lives, we become better parents, partners, and ultimately, leaders in the truest sense.

Every day, you're teaching lessons of love, respect, and responsibility—lessons that will echo through generations and will build stronger bridges with those that are most important to us.

So embrace these moments, lead with your heart, and cherish every minute you have with those who matter most.

This is leadership at the highest level.