Effective Leaders Seek to Build Relational Competence

The ability to relate more deeply with others is a yearning that all human beings possess. This desire for human connection liberates the inner spirit and serves as a beacon of hope for bringing out the best in oneself and others. Exceptional leaders understand that leadership effectiveness and relational competence are inter-connected. For some leaders this is instinctive, for others it is a learned capacity. Effective leaders build their relational competence by helping people connect with each other, their environment, their common purpose, history and future possibilities. 

Relational Competence is a Practical Matter

Effective leaders view building relational competence as a practical consideration because it represents things that they and others must do to be relationally effective. Practicing relational competence involves changing what one does (behaviors, actions and deeds) as well as learning and mastering new skills, competencies, and capabilities. Practicing relational competence means learning to freely give and receive in the relationship. It means actively seeking the heart and ideas of others while freely opening up yours to them. When relational competence is developed and practiced through conscious attention - relational quality, effectiveness and results grows. When relational quality is elevated people begin to unite is service to the whole. Working in service to the whole can only be accomplished by putting full trust in others and caring for their emotional safety.  

Practicing Relational Competence 

It starts by embracing a mindset that values the qualities of appreciation, commitment, responsibility, harmony, active participation, and inquisitiveness and personal growth. By practicing relational competence, leaders set the context for openness, tolerance and respect for differences of all types. By being able to see others as people of worth, exploring differences, and speaking one’s own truth, leaders can shape the affirming possibilities for further connection and positive regard. 

Relational competence is practiced when one is authentic and content in who he/she is. Giving up the ego, letting go of pretense and relinquishing any sense of self-importance usually wins the respect and affection of others. Authenticity and contentment can be practiced by being real regardless of one’s current state or condition. As a person practices authenticity and contentment with oneself, he or she develops true self-confidence, which nourishes the spirit and provides the motivation to strive for something more. Being authentic and content means acting with integrity, being sincere, and legitimizing the needs and concerns of other people. Doing so builds common ground and foster a sense of reciprocity in every relationship.

Relational competence is practiced when safe environments are created where people can feel free to express their deepest fears, insecurities, and vulnerabilities. Recognizing, accepting, and sharing one’s own fragility helps to create this environment. Overcoming fears, insecurities, and vulnerabilities uncovers possibilities for the discovery of one’s higher potential in relationship, life and leadership. Taking the time to create safe space in relationships is a way of taking responsibility for the success of every relational interaction. Every relational interaction bring with it the opportunity to deprive or nourish the spirit. To drive relational success, leaders must learn to promote the health, well-being, and integrity within relationships. Being truthful, unmistakably constructive and respectful, acknowledging important successes and admirable qualities, and assuming positive intent in people and their motives are specific ways relational competence is practiced.

Spending time with people who are important to you is also a way of practicing relational competence. Leaders can create good will in their relationship by showing courtesy, patience, and gratitude for the efforts of others for small things that usually go unnoticed. Demonstrating this level of awareness and sensitivity to the needs, wants, and desires of others shows concern for their emotional and relational health and well-being. Relational competence is also practiced when one takes the time to recognize, affirm, and communicate the special talents, gifts, traits, and uniqueness in others as often as possible – this means looking beyond any surface limitations and helping them to uncover their untapped potential and capacity to contribute. By authoring a spirit of generosity and good intention you build trust and credibility to carry the relationship forward and promote health and harmony.

Finally, by learning to listen more deeply at a level that promotes true understanding, leaders can seek more than just passive agreement or superficial concurrence in any relational interaction. Learning to listen for understanding requires taking enough time to fully explore another’s perspective, discovering their deepest emotional hopes, wishes, and feelings, and establishing a foundation of trust and mutuality. 

Concluding thought: High quality relationships produce high quality teams, organizations, and societies. The success of any organizing structure depends greatly upon the quality of the relationships that have been established and maintained. These structures can only flourish through the cooperative and respectful effort of its members. Healthy and productive working relationships increase identity, commitment and sense of purpose towards shared goals. Leaders who focus on increasing the quality of their relationships create workplaces that are characterized by strong ethics, shared values, deep appreciation, caring dignity, and common purpose.