Effective communication is two people working hard to understand one another.

I was looking around the Internet the other day trying to do some research for a piece on communication. The more research I did, the more it struck me that all the advice is 1 sided. It's all about how you can be more effective as a communicator to other people. The problem is communication is a two-way process. It is quite literally a team effort and can never be effective unless both sides take an active part in it. And yet that single fact is never ever stated.

From this obvious fact it becomes clear that effective communication starts and probably ends with engagement. Unless the communicants are fully engaged in the process something can go wrong.

Here are five tips which should help improve that engagement and the communications which are built upon it.

1.????Accept that you are equals.

There's an old adage that communication only occurs between equals. This is a truism but that doesn't stop it being of value. If you speak to the other person as though they are above you or below you in rank or understanding then your communication will probably go wrong. Be as open to the listener as you want them to be to you.

2.????The two to one ratio

It's my day for old sayings, this one's about how we were given two ears but only one mouth and this is a hint that we should listen twice as hard as we speak. Despite the glibness of the saying it is sound advice. Actively, deliberately, listening with great interest will always pay. Not only because the more attention you give the other person, the more open and honest they will be with you but also they are more likely to give you equal attention in return.

3.????K.I.S.S

Continuing with the sayings we have the next one. Many people know the “Keep It Simple Stupid” saying. What not so many people may not know is that this was an idea expounded even by Einstein. When Einstein moved to America and became something of a celebrity, he was mobbed by people who wanted him to review their ideas and hopefully get him on board to push them forward to the government. Einstein in return would listen to anybody who could fulfil his “Intelligent 10-year-old test”. This test, broadly speaking, was that the person should be able to express the idea is in a form that the intelligent 10 year old could understand. He reasoned that anyone who could not express their ideas in that way did not have a sufficient grasp of the ideas themselves. Basically, Einstein understood that verbosity is often used to hide ignorance, incompetence, and lack of thought. Don't fall into the trap of using verbosity, it won't help you really.

4.????The “Horses” paradigm.

In the 1700s when rich people were travelling across Europe on the Grand Tour a book was published with “Advice for the Young Man Touring Europe”. One of the undying pieces of advice was this “When talking to foreigners across Europe it is important to handle them like horses. That is, it's more important what tone of voice you have than what you actually say”. It is equally true today, particularly in heated situations, that voice tone is a far more important aspect of communication than many people realise and being aware of what your voice tone is communicating, is vital. (It should be noted that communicating with people in Europe was a major challenge at in the 1700s because; no matter which language you had mastered, whether German/French/Italian; you could not guarantee that the local dialects would be understandable to you or indeed your version of their language would be understandable to them. So, the advice is far more practical and less patronising than it first sounds.)

5.????K.I.S.S. ... Some More

Having already detailed the K.I.S.S. acronym once you may be a little surprised to see it comes back a second time. But this time it stands for something slightly different. This time it stands for Keep It Short Stupid. Human beings have a time limited attention span, psychology measures this at 12 minutes (± 4 minutes depending on the individual). That means for most everyday communications taking too long to get to the point will result in you losing people’s attention and once you lost their attention it can be a serious challenge to get it back. There are various tricks and techniques you can use to get around this problem, but they belong in another article. For now, just work to keep to the point and make your point quickly, clearly and as concisely as possible. It keeps people engaged and encourages them to do the same in return.

Lastly, in taking all my own advice all I can say is “Hopefully I have succeeded in communicating my advice to you.”