Effective Communication for Healthier Relationships

Healthy communication is not only key to a healthy, lasting relationship, but it also allows you to derive the most joy and enjoyment out of your relationships. Although practice can improve your communication skills with others, the most important factor is to focus on improving certain personal traits and characteristics that you display throughout the act of communication, as this will dictate the quality of your communication and thus the ultimate success in your relationships. In other words, effective communicate in your relationships starts with you and achieving optimum communication depends on whether you are willing to take a closer look at your own behavior, both spoken and unspoken, when communicating with others.

Are you listening?

Listening really is an art form and the reason it is listed first here is because practicing true, patient listening is a must for effective communication. Real listening involves allowing others to fully express their point of view, not to wait for them to finish so that you can retaliate, but to provide a response that is relevant to what the person just said. The reason I emphasize true listening and real listening is because listening is often confused with providing an environment of silence while the other person speaks only to quickly jump to the point that you want to make. This type of listening can quickly lead to failed communication because

a) There is no acknowledgement of what the other person just shared with you and

b) You are not truly grasping what they just said because you are too focused on what you will say next.

The ability to wait and listen before speaking involves a certain degree of self-control and another important personal characteristic…

Patience.

Patience is a quality that is very important when it comes to listening and effective communication and it’s no coincidence that people who are high in impatience and impulsivity have a harder time communicating with others (and have more difficulty managing interpersonal relationships overall). Communication involves the ability to wait long enough to be able to listen. Patience is, in a sense, a precursor to successful listening skills. If patience is something that doesn’t come naturally to you, a simple reminder to yourself prior to communicating with someone (e.g., a mantra, like telling yourself, “Slow down”) can help so that you really engage this ability.

Patience and listening in your communication with others involves putting the other person before yourself, but this doesn’t mean that you need to neglect your own needs when practicing healthy communication. It is also critical that you be genuine, honest, and…

Tell it like it is.

When communicating in relationships, being open and honest with your feelings, thoughts, and needs is imperative. It is important to clearly and specifically express yourself without assuming that the other person knows or should know what you’re thinking. Communication in relationships often fails for reasons that can be easily addressed, such as the belief that, “He/she knows what I mean.” If you want to communicate effectively, being kindly blunt is important and the great thing is that oftentimes, when you show this level of transparency, the other person may mimic your straightforward and honest approach. Sincere communication and speaking from the heart will automatically make others feel more comfortable. It is a sort of contagious connection that will lead to a mutual sharing of thoughts, feelings, and ideas that will serve to strengthen your interactions and bonds with others.