The Edition You've Been Waiting For

The edition you've been waiting for - I think? But also it's a topic I've been wanting to write about for a very long time.

First, I have some accomplished female leaders lined up for live interviews on Zoom in the new year, so stay tuned for that!

Drumroll on this topic - it's a huge one:

How Does a Female Attain the Same Level of Success as Men - When Our Physical and Physiological Aspects are Fundamentally Different?

The differences between male and female are in every single possible area - not just physical: emotional, spiritual, intellectual, etc. We are very much polar opposites.

I grew up in a household where I was told: because I'm female, I'm limited in life. Limited in what I can experience and what I can do. And I mean very basic things - like having male friends (not allowed) or going to my class parties (not allowed) or going out and hanging out with friends (not allowed). I was literally not allowed to do anything because I'm female. I was also told that I'm weak because I'm female - weak physically, intellectually, and in personality. I took that as a friendly challenge & proved my parents wrong in every assumption on that.

I always thought: 'but I never chose to be female. It was 50-50 probability roughly of being born as either gender. Why am I being punished for being female?' (Though according to the WHO, there is a slight bias of .05% towards being born male.)

Thankfully, I read hundreds to thousands of books as a teenager so was able to access a wide world out there of knowledge and intellect. I also took every AP class I could get my hands on in high school to further advance my knowledge - I refused to be left behind because of my gender. I always wanted to be the smartest person in any room.

I shudder to think how limited my life would have been without those books. Those books helped me become thoughtful, introspective, and built the beginnings of an intellectual powerhouse. However, if my parents knew that those books fueled my personality even more, they might have prevented me from reading. I was quiet and introverted, but I was strong minded and knew who I was and what I wanted out of life - even if I didn't voice my opinions out of protection of myself. My parents were not bad people; they were simply a product of their upbringing & they couldn't see beyond it.

Can a Female be as Successful as a Male - without having to act like a man?

We see the pay differences between genders and think: females can't be as successful as males. But the pay disparity is based on a number of factors. I do believe that females can be as successful and more than males - and many are - if they learn the rules of the game.

Here's what I mean.

The rulebook is that:that you have to ignore your physical well-being & work yourself to the ground to succeed. That might be true in some work environments or scenarios. However, women that aren't able to be as successful as men might have simply thrown in the towel. They don't want to act like a man since this isn't in their nature, so they think there's no other option but to just not strive for what they truly want to create in their life.

I am not saying every male is this way - but every male that is uber successful on a global scale and society looks up to has those qualities to some extent. Some have it more than others.

And I almost came to that same conclusion too because I don't want to work 12 hour days, 7 days a week. I did that for years because I thought I had to in order to compete. But it made me feel unwell and unhappy. A female's physical makeup requires adequate rest - and downtime - daily after a workday. And if you're an introvert, like I am, that need is amplified.

So I discovered another way: instead of fighting with myself and my natural makeup, I sought to understand it - and learn how to work with it to accomplish what I want. After all, I don't believe God makes mistakes. So there's no way He could have made a mistake in how He created females. So it became clear that I simply didn't understand my own makeup yet.

I was still running in the box that my parents had set for me & that box was incorrect.

What I Discovered

When I did the things daily that I needed to in order to take care of myself well on a daily basis, instead of ignore myself, things happened more easily and quickly for me. Results that I wanted happened insanely fast. I kept thinking: 'oh, it must be a fluke.' But it kept happening as long as I took care of myself well.

So this is the 80/20 rule of being female.

And that 80/20 rule includes being more thoughtful about using leverage frequently. As females, across the board, we consistently believe we have to do everything ourselves in order to prove ourselves worthy.

However, leverage is the one area that males excel more than females and are, thus, able to be more successful because of that. For males, leverage and using leverage comes more naturally. And that's an area where females need to develop themselves more in.

It's Really Time for Females to Stop Hating Themselves

This is tough because there will always be both males and females that will judge you for being 'too female' if you take care of yourself properly everyday as a female should.

At the end of the day, your results speak for themselves - so I advise letting that be the case. Rather than trying to explain or justify.

Never apologize for taking good care of yourself. Working 12 hours a day, 7 days a week if you're not Elon Musk is absolutely insane and absolutely unnecessary. Working 12 hours a day if you're female is the fastest way to destroy who you are as a female. It can be explained by several factors, but the simplest is physical - your body releases more adrenaline & cortisol & testosterone when you work like that. And you then do lose what makes you different and what can propel you quickly to your goals. The right hormonal makeup is one part of being female.

This is a tough one because, as females, we don't always support each other forward in this area. We are usually tough on each other. But if toughness isn't leading to the results you want, then isn't time to try something else?

Just yesterday, a very successful male colleague in the industry said the same thing I've been hearing for so many years: 'that he functions on only 4 hours of sleep & all he does is work. And that everyone should do that.' He was wearing it as a badge of honor. I didn't express my opinion because that's what he needs to do for himself, but I was so grateful that I'd learnt better for myself.

If I didn't know any better, I'd have followed his advice - and ended up in an unhappy place physically.

Final Thoughts

And as a female leader and manager of a team, you'll have to more frequently be an authority figure - to herd the cats.

There's a lot more to discuss on this topic, but I'll leave it to one of the interviews I host in the new year.

About Me:

Growth and innovation leader in higher education enrollment management. Only kid of my siblings with a college education. Only person in my extended families to: (a) obtain a Master's degree, and (b) move to the US and on my own to build my life from scratch. Insatiable reader (thank you Audible and Kindle!). Obsessed with chess and math (though currently rusty).

My Popular Articles Include:

Top 5 Signs: You're Working in a Toxic Environment (189k Views; 62k Reactions; 4.1k Shares)

How You Dress to Work: Is Harming Your Growth (12k Views)

Have a Bad Manager? These Are Your Top 3 Options (9k Views)

Women, Just Stop (6k Views; 720 Reactions)

How to Identify a Workplace Bully: Top 5 Warning Signs (550 Reactions)

Fortune's 50 Most Powerful Women (7k Views; 800 Reactions)

The Smiley Face Habit (8k Views)