Edition 8: clear goals—incremental success
Hi Lifelong Learners,
Thanks for joining me for another edition of the Learning/Study Wellness and Wellbeing Newsletter. It’s time to get down to the nitty-gritty of goal setting this week. In general, because human beings are basically dreamers who live and work in a dream, as we saw last week with the dream of time, we are often unrealistic about our goals. We never quite get it right: either super-confident or underconfident, and it is difficult to find the middle way. However, I’ve got a few insights here as I’ve been helping others to set their goals realistically for many years.
In the opening image this week, you can see some of the standard approaches to goal setting, but they are mostly vague and unstructured. Yes, all the words they utilize are relevant to goal setting, but they are about the attitudes needed to make this happen. You certainly need motivation and vision, strategies and planning, ideas and visions, but they are not the goals themselves. So, I’m going to address your unconscious mind with a little story which will jog you into realizing something profoundly and mindfully, I hope.
'There once was a man with many daughters who laboured so hard every day to feed and clothe his family, but he could never make enough money to meet all their needs. He despaired as his daughters started to reach maturity because he would be responsible for providing a dowry to their prospective husbands if they were ever to get married.
So, he decided that he would have to leave home and seek work where money was more accessible to earn and send it back to his family. He packed up his meagre belongings regretfully and said goodbye to his beloved daughters and wife, who were so sad to see him go. He walked day and night until he reached the big city where he had heard money flowed in the streams and grew on trees.
Quite soon, he got some work as a labourer and toiled daily to establish his reputation among strangers. He earned pretty good money and regularly sent it back to his family, feeling assured they were being cared for. Gradually, he was offered more work, and certain employers came to rely on his diligence and reliability. One day, one of the merchants he worked for offered him a position of responsibility, which raised his income considerably. He joyfully accepted and started to work closely with the owner, supervising casual workers and carrying out simple management tasks.
The owner was very pleased with him and increased his payment even more, asking him to move into his opulent house and become his personal assistant. This was so much better than he had expected. He could send a very good portion of his income to his family and bought some new clothes suitable to his rank. Life became so much easier for him, and he started to forget his family and his poverty-stricken home town. He socialized with other assistants, enjoying drinking and eating more luxuriously than ever.
He was given even more responsibility in time, and his pay increased incrementally. He smiled smugly every morning as he looked in his bedroom mirror and dressed smartly. He started to drink and eat a little too much in his complacency and took to gambling away some of his disposable income while still sending money home. He found he was lucky and often won at cards, and his savings grew even more. Then one day he started to lose and his losing streak continued. He became desperate to win back the lost money but concluded that the gods were frowning on him and failed.
This continued until he had lost almost everything, even his grand clothes, and he was forced to wear his rags again. The owner was disgusted with him and dismissed him from his service. Standing in the busy city streets, he was suddenly shocked to see that he was reduced back to the state he arrived in. He had nowhere to live, and very little food and word had spread that he was unreliable, so he couldn’t get any work. He was starving and sick as the winter approached because his clothes were threadbare.
Finally, he had no option but to return home, walking slowly and painfully back to where he had come from. One day, exhausted and sick, he arrived at his family home. His children rushed to meet him but could hardly recognize him as he’s become thin. They put him to bed and cared for him so lovingly as he wept at his failure to support his beloved family. They would all become destitute, he was sure.
His ageing mother, who lived nearby, became sick and died, and one day, a package was delivered to him from her lawyer. He opened it to find some sentimental objects she wanted him to have as her only son and a letter. Bemused, he opened the letter, which read:
"Dear son, I am so proud of how you have tried to support your family with all your heart. But I must reveal to you now when I am no longer with you, that you did not have to leave home to find riches elsewhere. The day you left, while I was mending your coat, I inserted a ruby handed down in our family for hundreds of years into its hem, sewing it in tightly so you could never lose it or have it stolen from you. It is there still, I hope, so please use it to feed and clothe your beautiful family and have no more worries about your life. But remember that all the riches you need are very close, just under your nose."
The family was saved from destitution. They celebrated wildly, and the father blessed his mother and realized how pointless his decision had been. Looking around him at his vibrant family, he knew the incredible value of love and human beings.’
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The moral of this story is that we can become deluded about our goals. Instead of reaching out far to achieve or develop something, we must look closer to home. We probably have everything we need and desire around us already: love and relationships with human beings. If we become too attached to acquiring something through any means, we may fail and miss the point.
So, when you are setting your goals, take these 3 factors into consideration:
Regarding learning/studying wellbeing and wellness, it is vital that your goals are realistic and the time you intend to achieve them is accurate. Always allow more time than you think because your life has to be lived in practical terms and trying to realize your dreams. If you clearly type out your goals and the date you hope to achieve them, it would be wise to check your progress halfway through the allotted time. This will show you your progress; if needed, you can adjust the time span and even the goals. Don’t just make your goals and then file them away. They are living, changing parameters of your life, so keep them in plain sight.
It also helps to discuss your goals with a more experienced person if you are still young. As a teacher, I was always too happy to discuss goals with students. I insisted they made them at the beginning of a course, and then we checked them together halfway through so they could be adjusted or amended. If you stick to them too rigidly, then the thief of time will rob you.?
Finally, you are not failing if you do not meet your goals. You are simply learning about your capacity and the rhythm of your life. They are not real, but they help increase motivation, inspire vision, and spark new ideas! As I mentioned earlier, we sometimes do need carrots dangling in front of us to coax us into working more intensively or dynamically, and that’s where the visions and inspiration can happen.
Please be gentle with yourself when setting goals. And remember to always be yourself and know yourself!
Next week, how to make a streamlined schedule that you can stick to.
Yours in study/learning wellness and well-being
Linden