Edition 64 - Rites of Passage

Did you go through a 'rite of passage'? We've just come back from a trip with our oldest child, Ethan, which ended up feeling a bit like a rite of passage, so this week in Pondering Careers I'm going to share some of the things I noticed, plus insights into the pros and cons of asking our young people to undergo some sort of journey from child to adult.

For a while now I've wanted to take each of the kids on a trip somewhere new by themselves before they start their final year of high school. My thinking is that I don't want to take them away at the end of school, because they'll be busy doing all the usual end-of-school things like hanging out with their mates and getting ready for whatever comes next.

Plus, during the last few years of school it's really hard to get any time with them - they're busy focusing - so this trip gives us a chance to spend some good quality time together in the middle of their senior years.

The other benefit to a trip like this is that is can act like a rite of passage.

What is a rite of passage?

Typically, a 'rite of passage' is a ceremony or a ritual which acknowledges that someone has left one social group and joined another, in many cases when they move from childhood or early adolescence to adulthood. There's nothing new about these types of rituals, and they're still performed in many places around the world in various stages of formality.

For something to qualify as a rite of passage, it needs to have three stages:

1. Separation, where the individual withdraws from their current group, generally physically but sometimes also symbolically. For example, they might move out of a shared bedroom with a sibling, or cut their hair, as male recruits do when they join the military,
2. Liminality, which is also sometimes called the 'threshold' stage. This is where the individual goes through a challenge or transitional journey, where they get outside of their comfort zone and do something new, and
3. Incorporation, when finally the individual reenters society as a member of the new social group. A ceremony will generally take place which recognises the individual's journey and new place in the world.

The reality is that a formal rite of passage is less common these days, or they've been incorporated into other celebrations or watered down to fit within systems, so you're more likely to undergo some sort of informal rite of passage without the three clear-cut stages, or no real rite of passage at all.

For example, when I was in Year 12 I went on an Outward Bound Australia course for a couple of weeks, which kind of acted like a Rite of Passage for me. We had the separation and liminal phases, but no reincorporation phase - we just went home - which kind of lessened the impact.

Ethan's (sort-of) rite of passage

Our trip to Japan with Ethan fits into the same sort of category - it's kind of a rite of passage, but also not.

We had the separation phase, where we physically separated from home and went to another place for a couple of weeks. Taking him on a trip alone, without his younger siblings also compounded this effect. We also moved him into our granny flat just before the trip, which has been great in creating a bit more space and giving him a bit more independence.

Then, he had to tackle the challenge of the trip itself. He was involved in the planning and organisation, and was responsible for his own money, travel card, and whereabouts while we were there. Some of this was a bit difficult at first; on the way over he let us manage his passport and boarding pass, but on the way back he led and managed it all himself.

By the end of the trip, he was confidently navigating Tokyo's subway alone, visiting new places, and communicating with people using a combo of Japanese and Google Translate.

This is all really minor stuff, but it marks a big change for him because he shifted from letting us lead, to taking the reins himself.

Challenging experiences

The trip also opened up new possibilities for him to test himself.

The liminal phase of any rite of passage should include some element of challenge, which is great, because pushing our limits shows us what we are capable of, building that critical component: self efficacy.

You don't need to jump bulls to challenge yourself however, but it is important to get well and truly outside your comfort zone. International travel as a young adult, outdoor adventure experiences, or even nightclubbing can be enough, provided it offers new and challenging scenarios for you to overcome.

Ethan's biggest challenge ended up coming in the form of a very unexpected news interview.

As is pretty normal for 16 year old boys, he's pretty into swords, and he knew that he wanted to buy himself a replica katana while we were there. He did his research, saved up what he needed, worked out it wouldn't be confiscated when we tried to bring it home, and then found the best place to buy it from.

Of course, since he had a katana he needed to learn how to use it, so we all (me included) took a samurai workshop, which just so happened to be the same day the workshop tutors were interviewed by the Zip! TV crew. Zip! is a nationwide morning show and apparently it was a big deal...

To put this into context, Ethan is not good with photos or cameras. We don't do faces on social media, and he almost went catatonic when we walked in and he realise what was happening. Rob, on the other hand, is great on camera and knows it, so he jumped up and handled the bilingual interview, and I occasionally chimed in, but Ethan didn't want anything to do with it.

But something changed while we were there, because towards the end of our lesson, and just as the crew was wrapping up, he volunteered to speak to the interviewer. Standing next to him, I could see him growing red as he answered the questions - there was no way he was finding this easy - but he persevered and did a great job.

In one moment, he went from being a kid who let his parents speak to an adult who could share his own ideas, and that knowledge will stay with him.

Do we still need rites of passage?

Ok, storytime is over I promise, back to the career development stuff.

All of this got me thinking on the flight home about how important these types of challenging, transitional experiences are for our young people. Do we still need them, or are they something we can leave in the past?

Personally, I think rite of passage experiences can help us overcome some of the issues associated with delays in adolescent development for a few reasons:

1. They give us a way to clearly delineate time 'before' and 'after'. Before, you belonged to another group, who have different responsibilities and expectations, while after you've moved into a new group where the standards are different. Choosing to continue with the behaviours from 'before' puts you at risk of being associated with your old group, which is usually something people don't want to do.
2. They send a signal to everyone that the person has moved from one group to another - in fact, this is why the 'reincorporation' phase is so pivotal. Society recognises that the individual has moved from one group to another, and is now to be treated differently. When this phase is missing (as it was when I finished Outward Bound, and in some ways how it is from Ethan's recent experiences), the impact of the rite of passage is lessened.
3. They can boost skill development, especially in areas where it can be hard to build skills in a typical school-based environment. At school, there's always a bell to ring to tell you when you need to be somewhere, someone will check that you've done your homework, and let your family know if you're unwell, but when you're in a new and challenging environment on your own then you need to build the skills to handle these things for yourself.

We no longer offer experiences like this through our existing educational systems. Only a fraction of kids complete something like Outward Bound or the Duke Of Edinburgh Award Scheme, or participate in something like The Rite Journey at school, and a growing number of children opt out from formal education systems entirely. Informal and/or external rites of passage can help to bridge this gap.

Key Considerations

With all this in mind, it's worth taking a minute to think about some key factors which can influence the impact of a rite of passage on an individual.

There is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to growth experiences. You can't just shove everyone through the same journey and expect them to have the same outcome, so we need to think about these areas:

Timing

The first and most important factor to consider is the timing of the experience - Is the young person ready to move to the next phase? Are they ready for the additional responsibility, and capable of taking on the roles required of them in the next group. Not everyone is ready at the same time, even if they are the same age.

Agency

Does the young person want to go on this journey? They need to be ready, but they also need to be willing and actively choose to participate, otherwise there's the risk that the young person will simply go through the motions and then go straight back to how they were before.

Where possible, people should have the option to choose some of the experience themselves - for example, during the Duke of Ed award program people can choose which activities they undertake to meet the requirements. In our case with Ethan, he chose many of the activities we undertook during the trip, and was responsible for organising those aspects.

There also needs to be a path to opt-out if the young person realises part of the way through that things are not going as they expected. A safe space to fail is a key component of gamefied learning, and it's ok for a young person to recognise that they need to go back to the start - in fact, that experience alone will be developmentally powerful.

It's also important to note that the individual is more likely to feel agency if the challenge is meaningful - if it is an authentic challenge, not an artificial obstacle that has been placed in their way.

Where is the individual's comfort zone?

We all have different ideas of what's hard and what's easy. For me, Outward Bound was a pretty formative experience - I had done some basic camping with my family but no overnight hiking, so I was well outside my comfort zone. Rob, on the other hand, had been hiking and camping since he was little, and he probably would have found the whole thing pretty easy.

It's important that there is a challenge element involved in the liminal phase, and in order for us to ascertain what constitutes 'challenge' for any particular individual, we need to identify their comfort zone.

The change should be permanent

What will change after the experience? Will the young person have access to different rights and responsibilities? Or will they go back to the same environment?

After they've gone through the rite of passage, the young person should be forever changed and moved forward, and this needs to be marked with clear differences in rights and responsibilities.

Keen to find a program?

You're in luck! There are loads of them - sometimes they actually call themselves a 'rite of passage', but this isn't a requirement. You're really looking for any program that has an initial separation, followed by a challenging task or journey, which is celebrated with a final graduation ceremony.

Below I've collected a set of formal programs you could use for a rite of passage, but it's worth pointing out that you can easily create your own, for example:

• Go on a Gap Year or overseas adventure
• Train for and complete a triathlon/marathon/multi-day hike
• Undertake a major volunteer or service project
• Participate in a musical or theatre production (you'd need to be heavily involved)
• Complete an internship

Or, you could suggest your young people sign up for one of these programs:

Adventure-Based & Personal Development Programs

Duke of Edinburgh’s Award

A structured program that challenges young people through volunteering, skills development, physical activity, and adventurous journeys. Recognised internationally as a leadership and resilience-building program.

Where: Operates in over 130 countries, including the UK, Australia, New Zealand, Canada, and the US.

Learn more: https://www.dofe.org

Outward Bound

An outdoor adventure program focused on leadership, resilience, and personal growth through wilderness expeditions, survival skills, and teamwork. Operates in multiple countries.

Where: Available in over 30 countries, including the UK, Australia, New Zealand, Canada, and the US.

Learn more: https://www.outwardbound.net

National Outdoor Leadership School (NOLS)

A premier wilderness education school offering immersive leadership and survival skills training through extended expeditions in remote environments.

Where: Primarily operates in the US, with courses also available in Canada, Mexico, Chile, and New Zealand.

Learn more: https://www.nols.edu

Young Endeavour Youth Scheme

A leadership development program aboard a tall ship where participants learn sailing, teamwork, and resilience while navigating the open ocean.

Where: Australia.

Learn more: https://youngendeavour.gov.au

Cultural & Traditional Rites of Passage Programs

Rites of Passage Institute

A structured program guiding young people through modern initiation ceremonies rooted in indigenous wisdom and contemporary psychology. Programs are designed to mark transitions into adulthood.

Where: Based in Australia, with programs and training offered internationally.

Learn more: https://ritesofpassageinstitute.org

School of Lost Borders

A transformative wilderness-based rite of passage program inspired by indigenous traditions, offering a structured journey of self-discovery, reflection, and personal growth.

Where: Based in the USA, with international participants.

Learn more: https://schooloflostborders.org

Service & Leadership-Based Programs

National Citizen Service (NCS) (ending soon, to be replaced by the National Youth Strategy)

A UK-based personal and social development program combining adventure activities, teamwork, volunteering, and leadership training.

Where: United Kingdom.

Learn more: https://wearencs.com

Habitat for Humanity Youth Programs

A global service-learning initiative where young people participate in home-building projects for families in need, gaining hands-on experience in teamwork and leadership.

Where: Operates in over 70 countries, including the UK, Australia, New Zealand, Canada, and the US.

Learn more: https://www.habitat.org/volunteer

Outreach360

A volunteer-based program where youth engage in service-learning projects in Latin America, focused on education and community development.

Where: Primarily operates in the Dominican Republic and Nicaragua, with volunteers from countries including the US, Canada, and the UK.

Learn more: https://www.outreach360.org/teaching-fellowship

That's it!

Whether you've been on your own rite of passage, or are thinking about how you could incorporate this type of journey into your youth development work, I hope you've been able to find something useful here.

If you have been on a rite of passage of your own, please share your observations and insights, and join the conversation.