Edition 4 - How to be your own best friend.

Hey folks ??, thanks for joining us for this week's edition of Double-click. In this newsletter, I expand on something that I’ve been thinking about this week or been dealing with as the CEO of 11:FS. I want to give you folks the real view on building a career, a business, or just being a human, so I hope you find the content super-duper practical and that it helps you be more successful.?

We were again blown away by the response to edition 3 last week. Thank you so much for reading and sharing these things with your friends here on Linkedin. We now have more than 6300 people signed up.

Thank you all. Tell your friends! ???

Right, here’s what’s top of mind for me this week and something that going into a tough 2022 ahead for us all is going to be super-duper important: How to be your own best friend.

How to be your own best friend.

This is an odd one so stay with me. I’m pretty sure psychiatrists wouldn’t think that this is particularly healthy but I, David Brear, am my own best friend and I think all of you should be yours also.

This is not to say that I’m in love with myself in some oddly self-obsessed way. I could see how people might take my confidence in that way but that’s not what this edition is about. It’s also not that I don’t have real friends. I’m pretty sure a few people consider me a friend, and me them also, but again this isn’t about replacing the absences of others.

It’s a bit of an underestimation that for lots of people life is pretty sucky right now. Life is generally pretty hard with the strains and stresses of your life, your career, the pandemic, friends, family and even trivial things like what to get someone for Christmas!

It can all feel too much to cope with sometimes for people. The anxiety and pressure keep going up. The more anxious you feel, the more your mind criticizes you, it over-analyzes, and reviews every detail of what you did, decisions you made and the times you’ve come up short. It’s easy to allow anxiety to amplify things when you revisit the past. You look into the future and create scenarios full of negativity and self-doubt.

It feels hard to turn down the volume of your inner critic, who is watching your every move. There is no getting away from you after all. When you make a mistake, fail in some way, or have shortcomings, your inner critic starts to judge you harshly.?

How do you talk to someone you love?

Bizarrely we know how to address this. We have friends or family who need our support who need acknowledgement of their worries and words of kindness and encouragement in order to move beyond them. We don’t judge them for needing this support and we’re there for them when they need it.?

We remind them they’re awesome. We show them that they were unlucky, that they are close to success. We encourage them to go on and to persevere with their endeavours, that anything is possible with the right effort and attitude.

We mean these things right? We aren't lying to them? We love them and want the best for them. We want them to succeed and overcome their circumstances.

We don’t tell them they are stupid. We don’t tell them they will fail again next time. We don’t let them give in. We don’t let them wallow. We won't let them give up on their dream or their hard work to date.

So why do most of us not talk to ourselves this way?

Talk to yourself like you would someone you love.

In my career and my roles, there have been numerous times that I have questioned myself. Where I came up short. Worried whether I was good enough to deserve success, play in the big leagues, work in London or even whether to continue where I have failed.?

For me though, that was the millisecond before my best friend picked me up and where I had a “word with myself” so to speak.

That “word” for me is always acknowledgement of my worry. I pick myself up and I go again. I “get up” as my mum always said to me which no doubt I will talk about in a later edition.

I want the best for myself in the way I would a friend. I support myself in my endeavours and I don't hold myself to a standard that I wouldn't hold anyone else.?

I'm honest with myself. I know when I haven't done enough. When I could do more and how I can alter the outcome I’m seeking.

I believe in me. I believe in my intent and my ability to succeed if I put in the right effort and have the right attitude.?

I do not need the acknowledgement or reinforcement of anyone else but myself. That's not to say that other people's happiness in what we achieve is not important, but I do not need it to continue to put in the effort.

I talk to myself like I love myself. Not literally out loud, although I have been known to do that, but in my head. I’m my own best friend and you should be too.

Last thought of 2021

This is something to think about over the break for us all. Something that will keep you in good health in 2022 and for the rest of your lives for that matter;?

Be your own best friend. There is no one more deserving of your time, support and love than you.

Have a great break everyone. See you in 2022.

D