Edition 11 — ?? Squirrel! Paying Attention to Not Paying Attention

Hi Neuros,

I’m not OK, and I’m not sure I have a friend in my life that is OK. As the world is seemingly crumbling around us, it’s all we can do to keep dodging the rubble.

As we become numb to one global situation, another seems to surface. It’s never-ending. But somehow, with all of this going on, we are supposed to continue as if everything is normal.

But here we are. Inundated with endless hate, hardship, and uncertainty, neatly trying to organize a to-do list that feels both exhausting in its length and exhausting in its “holy shit, none of this really matters.”

If you're like me, you may feel like you've lost your sense of agency. And in some sense, hell yes, many of us have. And some of us had less to begin with.

Today, I want to explore how to keep moving by focusing on one thing that can be in our grip.

Our attention.

Friends, if this email finds you struggling or feeling crazy because you just can’t seem to find the motivation to do the little things, know that you aren’t alone.

I hope something in here speaks to you. If it does, will you forward to a friend you think needs it?

TLDR:

1. Our basal ganglia filters out stimuli but, as an ancient part of the brain, can't evolve to keep up with technology. It prioritizes stimuli that evoke fear for our own protection.?

2. We need attentional bandwidth to move through and regulate emotions. When our finite attention is spent processing endless world events, we are left with nothing for ourselves and our immediate village.

3. Protecting our attention gives us agency. Start with turning your attention to yourself and then work on being present with others.

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The Role of Attention

Attention is our biological solution to one of the?biggest problems that our brains encounter?today. There is (and has always been) more information in our environment and our heads than our brain can process.

Attention is finite.

Often, we think of attention as what we choose to shine our brain’s spotlight on, but more recent research suggests that our brain isn’t spotlighting what to focus on; instead, it's?lowering the lights?on everything else.?

Scientists have focused on the?basal ganglia?portion of the brain as the gatekeeper of this attention.

Why Our Attention Feels Pulled

Scientists believe that the basal ganglia has existed in various species for over 500M years, and that’s a freaking long time for evolution to do its work.

While it seems like life has been this way forever,

• The first weekly newspaper was published in 1604. (417 years)
• The first radio news broadcast is widely believed to be in 1920. (102 years ago)
• The first television news broadcast was in 1940. (82 years ago)
• CNN launched in 1980 as the first cable news network. (42 years ago)
• The first iPhone was announced in 2007. (15 years ago)

500M years of evolution.?15 years with the Internet at our fingertips.

Increasingly,?we spend our limited attentional resources?policing the impulse?to check our phones constantly, an addictive behavior well-designed by Silicon Valley. For our own protection, the basal ganglia prioritizes stimuli that are?threats and fear, and there is no doubt that so many of us have felt fear and uncertainty in tangible ways.

As processing world events?sucks up our limited attention?at every turn, we are left with little attention to tend to our village and ourselves.

And, here’s the kicker. We?need attentional bandwidth to move through and regulate emotions.?And we have none left. So we are stuck in an endless cycle.

What Do We Do?

I first fully acknowledge that?I am in this seemingly sinking ship with you. But I believe that managing our attention is the?life raft?that brings us to safety.

Here’s what I’ve learned:

Start with turning your attention to yourself.

When I think of attention, I typically either think of focus and productivity, or I think of being present when I’m talking to someone else.

But what if this isn't it at all??Instead of thinking about attention first and foremost outwardly, let's explore paying attention to our own thoughts and feelings, which allows us to move through them. So how do we do that?

1. Start a mindfulness practice?- There is no doubt that the science indicates a mindfulness practice strengthens the muscle to direct our attention. I’ve linked to some interesting studies in the sources section below.
2. Practice meta-attention?- I learned this from?Jonathan Fields, and it’s the ability to recognize where your attention is at any given moment. Set an awareness trigger. For example, create a vibration alert on your phone every hour and when it goes off, ask yourself - where was my attention?
3. Conduct an attention inventory?- Consider what you watch and when, what you read, who you follow, and who you spend your time with. If you can reduce the time spent with people, media, or activities that induce fear or threats, you begin to build back your reserves.
4. Identify one stimulus to reduce?- When you’re feeling overwhelmed, it’s easy to numb out. That desire to numb is the brain seeking the fear and threats that we have gotten it used to. My drugs of choice are scrolling my phone, checking things off a to-do list, or food, but all that is doing is providing more stimuli. Look and listen to what is around you. Identify one stimulus to turn off. This could be your phone, your watch, moving to a quieter room, turning off the TV, or straightening up your space.

Then, think about how you show up for others around you:

I found that it's tough to be present with other people unless you can get better at paying attention to yourself. I always started with presence with others because?I needed OTHERS to believe?that I was best at attention. The MOST present one.???

But only when you know where you are can you show up for others. We build constant attention traps when we've trained ourselves to believe that?the person who does the most wins at work. But when you aren't present, you?lose trust?and?drain your minimal attention reserves.

The most helpful container for interacting with others has been the?five lenses of exquisite attention?that I learned from Fields:

1. Curiosity: Approach conversation with others from a place of curiosity rather than duty.
2. Openness: Be open to allowing an experience, moment, or interaction to go where it needs to go without relying on rigidity, outlines, or scripted questions.
3. Unconditional: Assume that the particular moment, experience, or relationship you have committed to is unconditionally worthy of your time and attention.
4. Positive: Try to frame your experiences with others in a positive way. When you focus on the negative, you focus on your own experiences versus the bigger picture.
5. Non-distraction:?Do whatever you need to do to stay focused.

Guarding your attention isn't about ignoring the events of the world.?It's not a zero-sum game.?It's about understanding that we have a limited attention capacity, and many have reached our max.

If you've reached your max, join me in taking steps to activate exquisite attention. I believe this is a critical step in next week’s topic…mastering the art of giving feedback.

Nice Answers:?Readers’ questions, answered (leave me one on social media for the next issue!)

I feel like I’m getting walked all over at work because I’m a conflict-avoidant person. I find it so hard to push back or say what I need to get my job done. Instead, I just grin and bare it. What tips can you give to a conflict avoidance person in a professional environment? - @segarstace

Hello @segarstace -

Great question. While I do TOTALLY believe (and have witnessed) people at work who thrive on conflict, I think my experience has been that more often than not, the people I work with (and myself) fall into your same bucket.

Perhaps that’s because as women, we are conditioned this way. But that’s another post for another time.

I will go to?GREAT lengths to avoid conflict. Early in my career, I remember knowing I was going to get tough feedback from a boss and actively physically avoiding her.?I HID IN A BATHROOM. I procrastinate the most on addressing emails or texts that make me uncomfortable. It just all becomes?very personal?for me.

The reasons you shy away from conflict are personal to you, but I’m going to answer this from my perspective. I avoid conflict because?I RUN from shame, and I immediately jump to what the person will think of me.

But when I pause and recognize this shame, name it, and then ask myself:

• What if addressing this makes our ability to work as a team better?
• What if addressing this fixes a systemic issue that others are having?

So, for me, three things helped:

1. Framing the conflict?- Discomfort is necessary to find progress in most cases. For me, framing conflict this way, and in a larger context as I mentioned above is helpful to getting through it.
2. Forget a winner and a loser?- It’s easy to frame up conflict as someone wins, and someone loses. But, that’s a very binary way to imagine a complex issue. When you both seemingly want the same thing in the end (for the work to get done in a healthy way), then there isn't a winner and a loser.
3. Practice?- Practice advocating for yourself when the stakes are lower. I used to fake it through a damn massage that the pressure was OK because I didn't want to come across as aggressive. WUT. Find those little moments that you can advocate for yourself and build the muscle.

If you’re interested in going deeper, I really like the work of?Liane Davey, who talks about conflict in the context of teams.

I hope that helps!

My Latest Obsession

Big Feelings by Liz Fosslien and Mollie West Duffy?- I love Liz and Mollie because they use their own experiences both personally and professionally to normalize seven feelings: uncertainty, comparison, anger, burnout, perfectionism, despair, and regret. It’s an easy read - an introduction to the feeling, myths, how to work through it, and takeaways. They use a combination of the research and their own experiences and their fantastic drawings to help you with what we are all facing today, our big feelings.

Sources:

• Moore, J. |?What is the Sense of Agency and Why Does It Matter?|?Frontiers in Psychology
• Pacherie, E. |?The Sense of Control and the Sense of Agency?| Psyche
• Grillner, S. & Robertson, B.?|?The Basal Ganglia Over 500 Milion Years.?| Current Biology
• The Evolution of Traditional to New Media
• Schouwenburg, M et al. |?Selective attentional enhancement and inhibition of fronto-posterior connectivity by the basal ganglia during attention switching?|?Cereb Cortex
• Graziano, M. |?A New Theory Explains How Consciousness Evolved?| The Atlantic
• Cepelewicz, J. |?What a New Theory of Attention Says About Consciousness?| The Atlantic
• Roberts, K. MA & Danoff-Burg, S |?Mindfulness and Health Behaviors: Is Paying Attention Good for You?, | Journal of American College Health
• Powell, A. |?When science meets mindfulness?| The Harvard Gazette