Eating disorders aren't visual disorders

There’s a common misconception that eating disorders are entirely distinguishable by visual cues alone.

I was once a living and breathing example that that is not the case.

Eating behaviours are tricky to decipher at best as they are so vastly different between people. There are a multitude of factors to consider, from age (hormonal eating), stress, environment, upbringing and general wellbeing.

Eating is often, whether we’re aware of it or not, tied to much deeper emotional factors than we are aware of.

Anorexia doesn’t just stem from a desire to be thin or thinner, it often stems from a desire to have control over oneself and ones body, not just due to the narrative that is consistently pushed in the media of body dysmorphia.

Body dysmorphia is a huge factor in most, if not all, eating disorders. But it’s not the solitary factor, or ‘cause’ of an eating disorder. It’s a contributor or a correlation.

Some people I know eat more when they’re sad, whereas others don’t eat at all when they are. This is a reason eating disorders and the associated behaviours can be tricky to notice, not even including the difficulties of attempting to broach the subject of someone’s eating behaviours. 

One of the major gripes I have with attitudes around eating behaviour is the fact people feel compelled to speak about other peoples weight when it doesn't concern them. You cannot judge health through looking at someone, as weight does not dictate health or wellbeing.

"You're looking good, have you lost weight?"

"Ooo, someone's put on a few pounds!"

If it isn't a well-intentioned but completely damaging comment from a close friend, it's a relative at a family event telling you that you're eating away your troubles. For me, these comments are particularly damaging as they would often come at a time where I've either lost weight due to stress or gained weight due to excessive stress or anxiety.

You don't need to bring insensitive awareness to things that people are probably already aware, and critical, of.

A number on a scale is blunt and doesn't take into account your height, weight distribution or muscle mass. A lot of people live their life by a scale, and at one point for me the little arrow was pointing at my self-worth. I'd hold my breath, drag out scales and step on them and wait for that little arrow to decide if I could eat substantially the next day, or starve myself intermittently.

The thing about eating disorders is that they aren't blanket, black-and-white things. For me, my eating behaviours began as starving myself when I wasn't in other people's company, eating minimally around others and then binging on food because the hunger became too much.

Then, the guilt. I'd overeaten, broken a small semblance of control I had over my teenage life, and I'd be back to the starving myself again.

The feeling is indescribable, as it was a constant cycle of low self-worth, feeling in complete (but tired and lethargic) control, then the relapse after immense guilt.

All throughout that time in my life, people had felt compelled to comment on my weight. If it wasn't people at my school, then it was the constantly perpetuated 'ideal type' in the media. Rationally, I knew that I was a teenage girl who was developing at a different stage to other girls, but when I looked around all I saw was what I wasn't, rather than what I was.

It is ridiculously common to speak about weight in female circles at a young age, with many speaking about their beliefs that they are the 'fat friend' or even encouraging damaging eating behaviours such as purging to their friends because they think it's helpful.

You can change your weight, but you cannot change your body structure and weight distribution.

If only I'd taken that to heart back then.

People who struggle with eating disorders, in my mind, are always in recovery. My relationship with food has drastically changed in the last few years, but I've had multiple hiccups, since. I eat when I'm hungry, now, but I also eat when I'm overly emotional. But now, mostly, I'm not plagued by guilt afterwards.

But all it can take is one small, passing comment or an abundance of change in your life to send you spiralling when you have an eating disorder, and that's why we need to be more mindful. I know if I count calories or pay attention to them, I'll be a step away from thinking about my teenage diary in which I meticulously listed everything I ate in the day and stared helplessly at the total.

Stop teaching young girls that their worth is dictated by their weight, or that their desirability is reliant on their weight.

Stop telling men that they need to reach an unobtainable amount of muscle and maintain it, or that they 'can't have eating disorders'.

The same way you can't judge an eating disorder based on the visual, you absolutely cannot determine someone's health by their body type, in most scenarios.

A rise in the 'body positivity' movement has often meant that individuals are more compelled to accept those who are 'larger' than those who are 'smaller', leaving comments such as 'this isn't a real woman' or 'eat a cheeseburger' on adverts showcasing women with more slender frames.

Alternatively, many feel compelled to comment about the risk of heart disease and other factors on larger women's social media posts.

Let's be honest. Most of the people leaving comments like these do not have people's health on their mind. It is their own superficial concept of attractiveness and how people do or do not fit into that concept.

Eating disorders have the highest mortality rates amongst psychiatric disorders , with anorexia nervosa has the highest mortality rate of any psychiatric disorder in adolescence.

According to the BBC, hospital admissions for eating disorders have risen by more than a third across all age groups in the last two years. The most common age for patients with anorexia was between 13 and 15, unsurprisingly, at an age where we are extremely sensitive to the media and everything else we're bombarded with.

Though healthcare professionals would have us believe the rise in numbers is due to better and more thorough identification of eating disorders, most eating disorders go unnoticed, undiagnosed and rarely will those suffering seek help, even if they know they need it.

Our relationship with food is a complex, multi-faceted thing. Culturally, we place so much significance on weight, on both the 'over-weight' spectrum and the 'under-weight' one. Instead of valuing someone's right to have autonomy over their body, and respecting that weight is almost always in a state of flux, we narrow someone down to the number they are on a scale or the way they look in our eyes alone.

Being concerned for health is valid, but nine times out of ten the way we word our opinions and questions around it is not. We deserve respect and consideration, and above all, compassion.

We can't expect children to grow up in a society that values 'thinness' over health, that values illness over wellness and that emphasises restrictive diets over adaptive or suitable ones.

Equally, we can't continue to emphasise weight loss and gain in our everyday relationships and not expect someone to internalise our comments. Don't be concerned with someone's body fat, be concerned with their wellbeing, their mental health and their level of comfort with their own body.

Instead of saying, "You're looking really good, have you lost some weight?", why not replace it with "You seem happier, do you feel happier?" or alternatively, if you assume (the key word, here) that they are losing weight due to negative factors, "You seem stressed, can I help in any way?".

By all means, if someone is bringing up their own weight loss/weight gain story, they are openly engaging you in a discussion about their weight. But in most situations, people aren't inviting you to have a monopoly over their body fat percentage, so mind your own business.

If we placed half as much significance on health and wellbeing of an individual rather than their weight, our society would be a very different place.