Easy guide to misinterpreting the Agile Manifesto

I'm seeing a lot of sensible stuff being written on LinkedIn recently and am concerned about the impact this may have on the careers of those honourable professionals that are either confused themselves, interpreting it to reinforce their own biases, or like to bamboozle and play off people's ignorance. So here is a handy guide to getting it wrong so we can all continue to make some money out there. Here we go:

1. DO NOT consider the Agile Manifesto a derivation of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs with People-Centric Outcome Adaptation at the bottom:

Maslow

Agile

2. AT ALL TIMES consider the left and right hand sides of the four value statements as being in a state of perpetual war:

3. NEVER miss an opportunity to reinforce cultural stereotypes

4. Start with the How, NEVER with the Why

---oo---000---oo---

I hope that clears things up and allows normal (poor) service to resume as soon as possible.