Easy does it

I was on a call with other coaches and female entrepreneurs the other morning and we reflected on the roller coaster ups and downs that we go through as small business owners. Switching hats between the writer, the marketer, the coach, the consultant, the podcast host and the salon host makes me happy because it allows me to be all the things I want to be. But it comes at a cost.?

This morning, I realised I was in an energy deficit moment. When levels are low, it can manifest in a myriad of ways. Mood is generally negative, frustrated perhaps, even angry for little or no reason. Some of us may feel tearful. And others shut down.?

But life goes on around us.?

Whatever your age, gender and personal circumstances, just like me you’ve certainly found yourself challenged and in need to go against the grain at times.?

I was taught to push through even when everything in me says I need a mini-break (a piece of chocolate, a cup of tea, or an actual weekend away).

With the end of the year approaching at the speed of a bullet train, I remembered an alternative perspective to pushing against, or pushing through.?

How about finding ease instead?

Tara Mohr’s excellent book Playing Big ends on chapter 10 with what I wish could become my personal mantra:?

‘Let it be easy’?

In it, she explains the falsehood of the old narrative, which we could all do with letting go.?

“Research shows that trying to motivate ourselves out of fear, guilt, and shame simply doesn’t work, and that in fact, being compassionate with ourselves is much more likely to cause us to act in alignment with our intentions.”?

She then quotes psychologist Kelly McGonigal from the Stanford University School from her book, The Willpower Instinct:?

“My students commonly argue that if they are easy on themselves—that is, if they don’t focus on their failures, criticize themselves when they don’t live up to their high standards, or threaten themselves with horrible consequences if they don’t improve—they will slide into sloth. They believe that they need a stern voice in their head controlling their appetites, their instincts, and their weaknesses. They fear that if they give up this inner dictator and critic, they will have no self-control at all …. If you think the key to greater willpower is being harder on yourself, you are not alone. But you are wrong.

Study after study shows that self-criticism is consistently associated with less motivation and worse self-control …. In contrast, self-compassion—being supportive and kind to yourself, especially in the face of stress and failure—is associated with more motivation and better self-control.”

Mohr ends by offering:?

“As McGonigal reminds us, we want to set up plans for action that work for “the most exhausted version of ourselves”—not an idealized version of ourselves.”

Acknowledging my own needs as well as my long-term goals, I’m plotting short breaks around my week to give myself some rest and reset.?

Serendipitously, my local Italian deli is offering my favourite today: their homemade Parmigiana di Melanzane.?

My Christmas tree arrived early, so while I’m not celebrating Thanksgiving, I’ll be in my little cocoon of a holiday later this evening with plaid and dog cuddles, chocolate and some fairy lights.?

What would it look like for you if you planned for the most exhausted version of yourself??

What would things look like today or tomorrow if you embraced the mantra: Let it Be Easy??

Until next time,

Much love,

Anne