The East vs The West Again - To Know Part of Me and The Future

#womeninbusiness #culturaldiplomacy #politicsandlaw

Disclaimer:

a) this article is entirely the creative work of the author hence does not represent academic views of the matters hashtagged above, however, if it inspires you on an academic study, kindly cite the source and credit the author; any part of the article, including the image, is subject to copyrights.

b) this article is 100% true representation of the by-then experience and the until-now facts; the author speaks in her own voice and authentic tone, regardless of the potential prejudice and current political, socioeconomical discords.

Eastern Western and us “Erinnern”

“The first 16 years of my life spent in a rapid-growing, economy-centered, generally monolingual eastern country, China, being vegan in my non-vegan friendly hometown Hangzhou dated back in 2014, and under the spiritual guidance of veganism, consequently exploring Kantian philosophy and the intersection between Buddhism and Christianity ….” -

the story written on the website where I began to describe myself and my startup, obsoletes and turned invalid as the “shiny bright young girl” image fades, under a renewed globalisation, without my previous successful participation.

Quitting Asia and coming back to San Francisco, people need to hear something new, and the reason why I am back from a three-year journey in Asia with intermittent trips to the West. My quitting of Asia means that I am not able to accept some of the fundamental laws operating underneath that I deem unethical. Or, the economic system that I'm not good at playing with for my business.?In this article I will talk about eastern western differences explained implicitly in a personal journal. As experience is subjective and up to the individual, I provide my truthful testimony of why the West trembles and why it did not fail from a renewed global perspective.

Let’s start with self-introductions in this memoir-like, refreshing-to-many, yet hard-to-read article. And a self-introduction starts with a name.

Once upon a time, I called myself “Erin”. I was called “Erin” often and I lived in England. “It’s an Irish name!” - I’ve heard more than once during in-person conversations. The first time was when I sat in the class of an English program in London at my age 14, I learned this fact from the lecturer, that “Erin” wasn’t a good name in England. Although, I showed my talent in understanding her culture and was deemed differently than other Chinese students in class. Later, however, I’ve flew to America from England multiple times while I was going to high school at Cambridge, UK. I was deeply shaped by the English culture. But I could not tolerate that they did not tolerate my “Erin” side as much as to making me comfortable staying there. My comfort was encapsulated by my “ambitions” - I needed to feel that I was in real competition and doing real commendable things examined by real datas in reality. I hoped hierarchies never mattered. I was also vulnerable, in a sense that I maintained my strong independent exterior so well that I forgot I needed love and care as well. My “Erin” side is a unique, stubborn, yet fragile soul that wanted to dignify herself regardless of all. So I lived alone and I cried often. Crying is a thing at Cambridge. The weather was so depressing and the people were not the “nicest”. Everything was made beautiful but sad. And I was vegan, like I mentioned in that beginning paragraph of my story. The “vegan Erin” was a different story, that happened in 2014, China. Erin was a victim in online bully and hatred speech such as "look you and the American chemistry teacher could marry because you asked so many questions in class", among Chinese students I was the "black sheep" with unusual curiosity. But Erin had the ability to forgive in the deep realisation of "I am not accepted by this society", and became more self-focused so the first vegan teenager in the nation who cared most about animals and environment was honourably her as well.

I also deeply remorse in my “Erin” side. In many stories the Irish immigrants to America had a more affluent life than they had in Ireland. I was not born rich but I grew up rich enough for me to rent a single apartment at Cambridge and travelled around in my teenagehood. I realised my privilege some point later in America. But I also inherited the proud attitude from Cambridge. Which made the “Erin” not quite “Erin”. But anyway, Erin went to America.

When I came to California, it was a special time. Trump just got elected and the changes started to ferment in the air. In the cold January of 2017, I arrived in Los Angeles after severing with my Chinese ex-boyfriend in Guangdong. He made up the emptiness during my Cambridge time, though at first it would probably have been better without him, because I was stubborn and proud and “fucking feminist”- opposite from his culture. His influence on me, was still profound and intellectual. The innumerable partings and back-togethers create a forever bond between us. I value this relationship as much as I value my own being, however -

I know that I, was, am and will be, always different than the rest of Chinese. Why was I vegan during 2014 in the first place after all?

The Chinese blood inside me told me to balance and harmonise, but the actual environment that demands me to reshape myself for better survival has proved to me the aggressive German part of myself - which was influenced by the Chinese boyfriend who spoke German actually- will always have a stronger reason to exist and prevail under adverse circumstances. As my blog article about returning to China in 2020 wrote: ”But I am here, incongruent, again, with the current environment, though I have apparently a much more tolerance level now, I have yet to discover that my aggressive German self seeks to exand and reform on everything I could ever criticize at a glance”. In every place that I stayed, I left my marks and I would see if they create a “harmony”. Mind that “harmony” is created under the sacrifice of countless compromises to whatever -ism the surrounding is creating. Extremes only lead to destruction, as we’ve seen in WWII, so my goal is not exactly a very “GERMAN” goal.

With that said, during the year 2020 and the first half of 2021, my stay in my homecountry China changed it to be a better place in my standard. I want it to be more democratic, more equal, more inclusive and more multicultural. I started the multicultural exploration formally, after I decided to leave California in December, 2019- that was a month before covid exploded. I was lucky and I was smart. China locked itself down for 2 months, and the entire 2020 was freedom for me to do my social responsibility projects in gender equality and human rights, where I featured different themes in interracial dating on my blog.

I realised a large emotional part of my brain still called myself “Erin”, and Yilin was the proud gesture to entrouble Americans to pronounce the Chinese “characters”- they are used to foreigners using their own original names in their country anyways, why don't I use my right?

I was happy I could be this “Yilin” in America, but seldom people can recognise my complexity throughout my life. When I finally got good news from admissions of Marymount California University before my final year of high school, it meant that I could end the life of “Erin” and hence started a new life in a nice place, California. As far as I went on in my life and transferred to UC San Diego, I did not care and was not planning to change the prejudice and solidified stereotypes there enforced on me.

Going California means “Goodbye, England”. I needed something warm, cheesy, radiating, fundamentally different than the weeping nights spent at Cambridge. So somehow the stereotypical understanding of my being actually helped me to be a new person. I wanted to be free from the chains I myself chose to be bound from. I was happy that I seldom remembered my name Erin anymore. Saying goodbye to Cambridge is saying goodbye to my past.

However, since the pandemic, doing the thing that Erin would do in 2014 and 2015 - apparently volunteering to Nepal, Sri Lanka during those years- is a repetitive action to remember my future. My future was developed in the past. Erin was gone. She was gone because of Yilin. Yilin was born when she was gone. The spirit of her, splattered all over the place, she did not wish to be found. The one that truly wished to be found is the very Chinese girl Yilin. Her spirit bred her, and Yilin was born because of her. The logic is what creates the reality.

Yilin was all logic and truth and she was instead forgiveness and beauty. I still have her face, but I am not her. I can feel her triste* (French: sadness) for humans, her Liebe (German: love) and her deep enquiry. I strive to realise her wishes. Her wishes were so granular and profound. If the world has lost her, I will not take her place. I shall silently walk away, have my steps down, and so the truth will also belong to Erin. What she realised during her travels to Nepal and Sri Lanka, the fights and argues in her home, hometown and home country, the science and philosophy books she read at age 14, did once apply, and still apply to this reality.

And then today I am, with a new identity, talking about my past selves. The names are symbolisation of stories. Both Erin and Yilin are faded during my personal “second world war”. The personal second world war is another story, one that inspired me to do a startup in my gap years. The motivation comes from disappointment to the West. I was at the bottom of my life because of the West's failure to defend itself early on, and I slowly recovered until becoming better to this day. In the process, there was almost another accident but everything points to the direction of "solving conflicts", be it personal or worldly.

This “Eastern Western and us Erinnern” article hence is going to end with the stop sign put by “Elisabeth” - the name I borrowed from the Austrian Empress in “Das Musical”, who travelled nonstop in a long period of time, away from Kaiser and all affairs and duties in the palace, and was said to be friend with “der Todd” (the death himself). To all German-speaking readers, this is an article to “Erinnern”, memorising what has been lost not in the past, but from the past, signifying a correct chapter of “Eastern Western Difference” explanatory in the history of mankind, uniquely and the first time.

Finally, speaking of God, he has given me 3 chances to guess his Plan, I took the liberty of the first and second chance to experiment as much as possible, and the third chance I am reserving it until the rest of the population actually realise what I have realised. The policymakers, obviously should also learn, forcing people to repeat man-made policies is a violation of the True Rule. A policy is different from a rule. When we conjecture the differences between the East and the West, we should think of each entities that we are studying as a set of rules, rather than set of policies.

Best regards,

Elisabeth

Feb 14, 2023