Is it Easier to Leave Your Husband Than Your Job?

I've talked to several women who are frustrated with their jobs and overwhelmed with working over 80 hours a week, including weekends. They feel bullied by their leaders and are one Reese’s Pieces away from snapping.?

It is no coincidence that they have turmoil in their marriage, too. They blame their spouse for not being understanding or patient. They say their husbands complain endlessly about how they work too much, which adds to their misery of drowning in laundry, cooking, cleaning, and their mom guilt.??

They are unhappy and usually say, “He needs to get on out the door.” They think if he wasn't around, it would relieve some of the pressure and will give them a better opportunity to be promoted.

Wait… WHAT??

Oh, yeah! These are the thoughts of an irrational high-achieving woman who will do anything to get to the next level.?

What Are Some Signs of Being Irrational?

He Constantly Complains and Argues That You Work Too Much?- Ladies. Hello? Knock, knock. You work too much! He is standing there telling you in your face that he's frustrated. Are you listening? If you're working 12 - 16 hours a day, when do you have time for quality time with him? If you're working on the weekends, when will you two go out to a nice dinner? If you're too exhausted to get dressed or even look nice on occasion, I mean… Who wants to look at the Walking Dead every day? NOBODY.

If you're too busy complaining about who's done you wrong and all the things that are going on in your raggedy job, then when can he have?MEANINGFUL?conversations with you about what's going on with him and how he feels??

If you're drained, numb, and bitter, do you have the emotional capacity to be intimate? Ah, yes. I won't go too deep into this. Monique Gibson touched on this in our recent interview , but the simple fact is that when he tells you that you work too much, he’s trying to convey that you don't have time for him and what HE NEEDS.?

You’re giving everything to “them” and have nothing but scraps and a nasty attitude for him. If he's complaining,?at least he's still in the house!?Wake up before you start telling a bitter story of how he left, saying that you didn’t have a clue and were blindsided. He is “complaining,” i.e., telling you how he feels.?

Red flag! Red flag! Alert! Alert! Alert!

He Doesn't Support You Being Promoted?- A BBC article found that married women were twice as likely to be divorced three years after their promotion to CEO level compared to their male counterparts.?Let's explore this and not take it at face value that marriages are doomed if a woman becomes the CEO. What factors aren't being considered?

One of my clients shared her husband said, “I don’t give a damn if you became the CEO” (of the company she worked for). He was unhappy. Oh, yes… and she was hot saying he was intimidated by her success and limiting her dreams.?

Not true.?

When they got married, she was early in her career. The job had 10%, and her husband had 90%.?

After her first promotion: 20% them - 80% him?

Second: 40% them - 60% him?

Third: 60% them - 40% him?

Fourth: 80% them - 20% him?

Executive level: 90% them - 10% him?

With each promotion, she?UNCONSCIOUSLY?sacrificed his time, care, emotions, and intimacy. But here's the thing.?He is fully aware,?and the next promotion will give them 100%, and he will have nothing! That's why he doesn't want her to get promoted. He doesn't want to lose the 10% he has to share with the kids.

Why am I sharing this? When a woman makes herself a priority and comes back into her right mind, she’s able to clearly see the mess she's made. We’ve all made a mess of our personal lives in pursuit of professional success.?

But at some point, ladies, you must open your eyes and take inventory of all that you’ve sacrificed in the fire in pursuit of success—mental and physical health, personal relationships, and the ability to feel good about yourself, despite all the achievements you have.?

You have to make the DECISION to stop long enough to clean it up instead of continually feeling empty (personally) while seeking to add more awards and professional accolades.?

What's the point of finally getting to the top of the mountain if you're standing there alone, crazy and bitter? We have saved over 20 marriages, and five husbands have been promoted after getting their greatest cheerleaders back and?present?with them in the household.?

If you're married and this article is burning you up on the inside, and you're saying that I'm full of ish… I'm talking to you. What are you going to do before he walks out of the door??

If he’s complaining about it, AT LEAST HE’S STILL IN THE HOUSE. Ladies, please use this information to assess where you are and take action today!?

How did this article resonate with you? To my men, do you have a different perspective?

Christy Rutherford is an executive leadership advisor and high-level business consultant. Her clients have received +$11 million in raises and promotions since June 2020. Her work closes the promotion gap for exceptional women. A Harvard Business School Alumna and certified Executive Leadership Coach from Georgetown University, Christy is also a 6-time best-selling author.