Easier for a camel...

"You can't trust rich people."

Why? I asked

"Well, they did something to get that money."

What do you mean? I asked

"You don't get rich unless you've screwed a bunch of people over. That's just how it works."

How do you know? I asked

"Um. I just assume they've done something wrong right? I mean, you don't get rich unless you've stepped on the little guy to get where you are. They've done something along the way."

This was a conversation I had with a business owner. I asked him what he thought of people who were successful. I never mentioned the word "rich". He made that jump in the thought process.

I was working with him to figure out why he kept burning things down in his life - in particular, his business. Of course, as we do one thing... we do all things, so I knew this wasn't really about his business, but we have to look at the symptom before I can talk to him about the real cause.

He was a great guy. A family man. A leader in his community. Owned not 1, but 3 companies. He set high goals and would get just within reach and then something would happen. It wasn't his fault. Something big would break in his business and he'd have to pay to fix it, setting him back. Someone would cheat him and he'd lose a large amount of money. A key employee would leave and he'd have to chase his tail to replace her.

Something would always happen.

He felt as if he'd been cursed. He busted his ass. Worked day and night to the detriment of his relationship with his wife... to the detriment to the relationship with his friends... well, he really didn't have any truly close friends anymore. He wasn't fully aware of all this because to look at it and be honest would hurt too much.

No matter what he did, no matter how hard he worked, no matter what marketing or sales program he put in place, it would always blow up before he hit his goal. He was in fact cursed.

We dug into his story about why he felt rich people were evil (my words, not his) and where that came from. Turns out, his father was a loyal company man. Clocked in. Clocked out. Worked hard, but worked hard to make ends meet. His father had always told him how the company was screwing him and his co-workers over. They took advantage of him he'd say. They were crooks - the whole lot of them.

Maybe they were... maybe they weren't. But to my client, this was early programming that was set and as a young boy, he made that mean that rich people are evil. Rich people are bad.

Guess what. He was "rich" by most people's standards. Just not his.

After much digging, we were able to figure out that each time he worked to grow his companies, scale his business, provide more for his family, he'd find a way to self-sabotage that success. He hadn't seen it that way in the past. To him, it was out of his control, but the truth was, he let things slip unbeknownst to him.

I used to do this all the time myself although I never though wealthy people were bad, my story was different, yet my actions were very similar to the man who sat before me. I would build build build only to find myself burning it all down and then starting again. My story was one of being an underdog. I liked being the underdog. I liked coming from behind to win the game. I liked gutting it out. It made me proud. I felt good being the hero. But at the time, I felt, subconsciously, that I had to destroy what was around me in order to build it back up. Heck - people would compliment me when I pulled it off: "Wow. I don't know how you did that Doug. You really understand XYZ. Impressive." And I'd smile and pat myself on the back.

It felt good. And when that feeling went away, I'd tear it down again.

Crappy pattern right?

We all do it in one way or another. It's human nature. My client does it around the area of money (have done that). Some do it in their health, getting close to their fitness goal only to binge on pizza a beer (have done that). Some sabotage a great relationship (have done that too).

The key is to take time to reflect. To take a step back and look at the patterns in our lives that aren't serving us to the highest order. This is hard to do on our own, that's why I always have a coach or mentor in my corner. I eat my own cooking so to speak.

If any of this sounds familiar, then here are a few things you can do today:

1. Sit down with a cup of coffee, or glass of wine, and write down the complaints in your life. Those complaints that keep coming up over and over and over again. Example: I never seem to lose that 10 pounds that make my guy stick out in photos.

2. Write down what it means to be the opposite. In the example above in step 1, what does it mean to be in great shape? What did those people have to do to get there? What are those people like? Who are those people? Get real and raw. In fact, I invite you to focus on all the negative things those people did, who they've become, etc. For example, you might say that those people had to sacrifice the foods they love. That they are arrogant jerks. Or that they've become snobby. Or that they end up cheating on their spouse. Whatever comes up for you, even if you consciously know it to be false, write it down.

3. Look over your list and highlight all the negative words on your list such as sacrifice, give up, cheat, screw over, mean, etc. Again, even if you know these aren't true, but for a millisecond they came to your mind, they are in your programming. Look - you update your smartphone software at least one time per year - when's the last time you updated your belief software?

4. Get a coach, a mentor, or join a program that can help you look at these hidden patterns in a deeper and more meaningful way. I'm not saying this to promote myself. I only work with a very select group of people, but I can direct you to others that might be a great fit.

Upgrade the software in your mind. The update has a lot of cool new features that you're going to love. ??