Earning Your Own Way In Life

This piece on USC struck a chord in me. https://www.nytimes.com/2019/04/03/us/usc-admissions-scandal-students.html?fbclid=IwAR0yljWI5qxnKcF26v-x8chu4HcehY3Yqqeqbki8NHo1OfaAGA2WXILGulY

U.S.C....'University of Spoiled Children' (no offense to any Trojans out there). I saw a glimpse of this disparity in wealth at the University of Virginia. As a grad student, I volunteered to meet an undergrad for professional mentorship. Turns out she was a Chinese international student...a double major in astrophysics and econ, daughter of a Central Bank president in China. We met outside the crappy family dorms I lived in w/ my family. Ironically, the only on-campus housing where all the TAs and post-docs w/ young familiies lived was quite spartan...compared to the luxury-style dorms and off-campus apartments that their students lived in. Anyway....there was no practical advice I could really offer this girl, except for some life wisdom.

My uniquely American undergrad experience, ironically compared to this Chinese student, was living in a Communist-like collective in which everyone, regardless of class/gender/race/religion/place were stripped of our personal identities, made to wear the same clothes, pledge an oath of loyalty, memorize a little book of facts,shout ridiculous slogans, and were monitored 24/7 by cadre. Any luxury, any privilege, any advantage or presumption of superiority.....was swiftly and brutally beaten out of you via hard labor and stern discipline. That cult-like 'commune' was the US Air Force Academy. And yet...and yet as much as I hated it...it was an experience I would not have traded for anything. I felt part of another kind of 'elite'...one NOT defined by a wealth and privilege, but by a sense of larger purpose and self-sacrifice.

That experience and those achievements, even at the bottom rung of a longer journey, could not have been bought....they had to be earned with blood, sweat, and tears. I won't necessarily force military service on my own sons....but it seems a daily battle to show them that the ultimate gift is NOT a life of ease, fame, and luxury...but of things you can't put a price tag on....character, compassion, knowledge, discipline, and courage.

Our culture celebrates and elevates those, who by good fortune and circumstance of birth, have inherited their success. Or celebrities with no discernible talent...who are 'famous for being famous'. Or those who have attracted 'likes' and 'followers' by performing outlandish antics or attracting controversy on YouTube. The 'Horatio Alger' story of the self-made individual seems to be a quaint fantasy in today's world, where people not only start the 'Race of Life' on different parts of the track...but are not even running in the same race. Nice people finish last. Pedigree (which is for sale apparently) has become a quick and lazy way to discern one's professional potential. Wall Street and the mythology of Sillicon Valley start-up entrepreneurship promise a path to glory for those willing to put in the work. Yet a look at who sits at the top Venture Capital firms and what kind of people and ideas are attracting capital (https://share.qz.com/news/2360552/, https://www.businessinsider.com/yo-raises-15-million-at-a-5-10-million-valuation-2014-7) exposes the foolishness of believing in the myth of the technology start-up world as a pure, Ayn Rand-style meritocracy.

Being born into wealth is no sin. I cannot blame anyone for taking full advantage of the blessings they have been given. Even better, I greatly admire the sense of 'noblesse oblige' displayed by the old-school Brahmin class, who put their privilege towards advancing public interests. Entrepreneurial hustle and putting it all on the line in the pursuit of a dream should righly be celebrated. But I think what will eventually save our civilization are the achievements of great men/women that are also tempered by the ethics and values of good men/women. Perhaps some of these great individuals will also be good individuals. We can all do our part by raising decent human beings. The world has enough vanity and arrogance. The world cannot have enough kindness and humility. Some things cannot be bought. Perhaps with enough money, anyone can spend lavishly on tutors, after-school activities, and college tuition for their children to put them on the path of professional achievement. But there is only one way to learn true character, humility, and perseverance. The child must learn to earn heir own way in life. And we parents...need to get out of the way.