Why trust is earned, not built

"So, how do I?build more?trust?"

One of the most common questions I hear is, "How do I BUILD more trust?". I get it. I also want to know how I can get people to trust me! But really, what we should be asking is, "How can I EARN more trust?"

Trust isn't a physical object that needs a little tinkering here and there. It's not something?you?can directly control. Trust doesn't follow a plan or a checklist.?

Trust is essentially a feeling: I define it as?'a confident relationship with the unknown.'?

Trust is Given. We Need to Earn It.

I've heard parents say to their kids, "You need to trust me." Guilty. Leaders and partners often mutter the same words. You can't demand or order people to trust you. It can't be forced.??Trust can't be "built".

Trust can't be "built". It's up to others – friends, customers, employees, the public, your family – to?GIVE?you their trust. Your role is to?EARN it?by demonstrating you are trustworthy.?

How Trust Works

In any situation, a person is giving their trust (giver) and another person is receiving the trust (receiver). The giver is the one in control. They decide whether they feel safe and can depend on you.

It's tricky to get rid of the 'building' language around trust. It's everywhere!

When we make the flip from 'building' to 'giving/earning' it has a profound impact on the way we perceive and practice trust.

THE IMPORTANCE OF CONSISTENCY:

• Trust is not earned through grand symbolic gestures; it forms steadily and continuously over time. Consistency is more important than intensity. (@SimonSinek comments on this idea his new book?The Infinite Game,?page 122.)
• If you feel like someone trusts you, it's not a done deal. The giver at any point can decide, "nope, there's not enough trust here for me to take a risk with this person in this particular situation." You have to keep working at it.
• The goal is for the 'giver of trust' to feel safe being vulnerable or taking a risk with you.

What have you found to be useful for earning trust? I'd love to hear your ideas and comments below.

Are you interested in more insights on how trust works??Here's a short video where I explain more about revising the language of trust:

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Warmly,

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