Earning Respect

Over the last 15 years in people management roles, I've noticed a noticeably clear and obvious trend about what motivates the individuals I've had the privilege to work with closely. The common thread that connects them all is the desire for respect. It's fascinating to see the various reasons why people yearn for respect—some crave it due to their authority, while others seek it for their knowledge, skills, or successful track records within their roles. However, the underlying motivation stays consistent: respect is a significant driving force for people.???

We all know that “respect is earned, not given” but sometimes we may privately wonder – just how do I earn the respect I crave from those whom I want it from?????

I argue that respect is earned by applying a few basic principles that must be consistent over time. And because respect takes a long time to earn (and can be lost in mere moments), the consistent applications of these principles are anchored in self-discipline and care.????

Self-Discipline & Care – Reflecting on those we respect; we often find that their self-discipline is a key factor in why they command our admiration. The finest athletes, skilled tradespeople, and experts in various fields are typically well-respected for their abilities and the exceptional level they achieve in their craft. This heightened level of mastery is a direct result of their steadfast commitment to self-discipline. But what drives them to keep such discipline? A significant motivating factor is their profound care for themselves. Psychological research suggests that self-discipline is one of the most profound forms of self-care. It prioritizes our future aspirations over our immediate desires. Therefore, the foundational principle in garnering respect from others is to first respect our own selves through consistent self-discipline and self-care.???

Give Respect to Get Respect – Earning respect from those whom you seek it from is not only a multifaceted process but also a journey of mutual growth and understanding. It often begins with showing respect to others, setting the stage for a reciprocal relationship. Building trust through consistent, reliable actions and showing competence are the cornerstones of garnering respect. This is all about the small, consistent gestures as much as the grand ones—being open to feedback, valuing others' contributions, and leading by example. Care and respect others and they will reciprocate that care and respect for you.???

Integrity and Honor – The word respect immediately shifts the value and depth that we hold someone in. And respect is reserved for morale and upstanding people in our lives. Being true to our word, keeping honesty in our actions, and showing a genuine interest in the well-being and development of those around us are all aspects of acting with integrity and honor. Effective communication, active listening, and a willingness to learn and grow also play pivotal roles in this dynamic. When we show respect for ourselves and our values, it sends a clear message that invites others to do the same in return – creating an ecosystem of integrity and honor around ourselves.???

Remembering that respect is earned rather than given is crucial because it allows us to focus on the actions that will generate the return we are chasing. It's a treasure built over time, brick by brick, through consistent behavior and carefully extending to others what we want ourselves. Patience and perseverance are vital, as is the acknowledgment that respect is a two-way street. Just as roads are built to connect two destinations, respect is the path that connects two individuals. When we give respect, we lay the foundation stones for a strong bridge that can withstand the test of time and challenges, fostering a relationship where respect can be reciprocated and cherished.?