Earn Respect Not Validation
Brian Ford
Using personal development to fundraise for charity | Self-Improvement Podcaster (20+ million downloads) | Social Impact Leader (Nonprofit founder at For Purpose Foundation)
As humans we live very social lives. Originally our well-being was dependent on the safety and shared resources of a tribe, which evolved into economies, culture, and now virtual settings. Throughout each chapter of human existence the nature has been the same - We have a baseline need to belong.?
We want to have friends, be seen, and enjoy strong relationships. We want to be understood and appreciated for our uniqueness. This is so central to our existence that recently the longest longitudinal study in history confirmed that social connectedness is the greatest contributing factor to our well-being.
Sometimes people wish they didn't care so much about what other people think, but I disagree. Our interest to prioritize and maintain strong social connections is fundamental to our success as a species! As individuals, humans are relatively weak. But collectively, we are strong!
What most people are actually alluding to is that sometimes this need is expressed in unhealthy ways. In order to appease our ego we seek validation, approval, and acknowledgment from others as a means to confirm our importance.?
But when this happens it is superficial, like a bug bite that you scratch to feel good in the moment only for it to itch more a few minutes later. This may cause you to do things out of integrity, or that aren’t in alignment with who you want to be, because you need quick access to the validating spike of feeling important.
What we’re actually searching for, that leaves a deeper and lasting impression, is other people’s respect. This is a level of acknowledgment that goes beyond what you do and into who you are. It’s a comment on your character and your values. For obvious reasons this is much more difficult to earn, and in a society that is addicted to immediate gratification, sometimes we don’t even have the patience to get there.
But your relationships and connectedness to others will feel so rich, so pure, so potent, when you get to that level of respect. And it’s okay to feel good about it when you get there because it will inspire you to make someone else feel that way themselves, and the ripple effect can continue.?
I help diagnosed obese women permanently lose 50-100lbs with low carb fitness
1 年Once I let go of needing validation, I realized that I was holding myself back for fear of what others thought. I also realized all that matters, is that I help my clients to my best ability. Their results are all the ‘validation’ I need. Great callout, Brian!
Operations Manager | Board Member | Intrapreneur
1 年Yes, I would say the majority is self-discovery. I'm not interested anymore in what others have, I'm not competing with anyone other than myself and the goals I have and my wife has. You become dialed in on where you are going you are not operating in need to compare with what others do or what they think you should do.?
Deploying God's vision inside me to the world | Dynamic empowering Leader & Speaker.
1 年I've always had a gift which is that I've always compared myself to myself. It's very hard to go on your personal development journey and stick to it when you're looking at yourself and someone else that's not you in the mirror. Growth and development happens when you can figure yourself out compared to who you were the day before. The biggest challenge in life is to figure out who you're at competition with. Being in competition with others causes you to lose focus, be something you're not, and it causes you to question your unique gifts. You need to validate yourself and respect that your talents, skills, and abilities will not be like everyone else's.
Operations Manager | Board Member | Intrapreneur
1 年I did terribly for many years but? when you finally come to know who you are as a person, as an individual this is no longer a concern.?