Early Career Dilemma: How to Manage Expectations

Expectations can feel more like a curse than a blessing in the world of work. The expectations you put on yourself and those put on you by others. Especially when it comes to job and career choices. Especially when you are young and inexperienced. One particular dilemma I come across frequently is graduates in their early career struggling to decide whether to stay or go in their job or to change direction. Stick or twist?

Recent scenarios

• I like my job, but it's very challenging and I risk burn-out. 
• I like my job, but they are not getting the best out of me. 
• Everyone says they are pleased with my work, but it's unfulfilling. 
• I've just completed 'X' years studying on top of my degree for a specific career, but I'm not sure it's for me.  
• I'm on a graduate development programme, but I feel trapped. 

Real or imagined expectations are partly what hold these young people back.

It's tough when

...they read in the media that they are 'entitled', 'lack resilience', 'are not committed', and will have to work 'forever', live with student debt for 'decades' and deal with housing and pension shortfalls;

...their parents, who only want what's best for their loved ones, tell them to stick it out and play safe (because they did);

...their friends, the ones more settled in their jobs and career direction, question why they want to leave a job that pays the bills and partying (because that's what they do);

...their university expects them to get a graduate-level job within six months of graduating (because that's their metric);

...career 'experts' continue to flog the unhelpful advice of 'follow your passion' (because it's a marketing slogan). 

Each person and their situation are unique to them. The reality is more complex and nuanced. Systemic, as well as personal factors, play a part. They include the nature of the work itself, the working conditions and environment, the resources available, their confidence and competence in the role, how well they are treated, the effectiveness of their manager, and the company culture. Not to mention the political, economic, social and technology upheavals affecting the employer's world of work.

Through a positive lens

Expectations are a future foretold - a strong belief that something will happen or be the case - and the antithesis of living in the present (the basis of mindfulness). They exist in our heads as positive and negative self-talk. They are explicit in job descriptions, company values, and goals, objectives, and targets. 

Viewed through a positive lens, expectations can be linked to personal standards, aspirations and ambitions. This is the standard I expect of myself. This is what I believe I'm capable of. This is where I want to be or expect to reach. Setting personal expectations can be self-motivating and a framework for exploring your potential. Every Team GB Olympic medal-winner dared to dream.

Your expectations, more than anything else in life, determine your reality. When it comes to achieving your goals, if you don’t believe you’ll succeed, you won’t. Dr Travis Bradberry

Unmet and unspoken expectations

What is uncomfortable are the unmet, sometimes unspoken, expectations, the ones you feel or sense, but that remain under the surface gnawing away at you:

• I don't want to let myself or my clients/colleagues/parents down.
• If I leave now, I will have failed.
• I don't know if this is the right place for me.
• Am I doing my best? Could I be doing more? 
• I think I've made a mistake. I don't want to waste it all.
• I don't know how to escape. 
• I thought I would have been promoted by now.
• This is not the job they sold to me.
• I haven't found my passion or purpose here.
• Am I expected to stay and pay them back for giving me the chance and investing in my development?

There is a temptation to say the grass is always greener when things don't go well or feel right. Testing your assumptions helps to inform the decision to stay or go. What evidence do you have for your belief? This is where coaching and mentoring can help. Talk it through with someone you trust.

Sometimes the grass looks greener over the hill because there's more bullshit over there. Mark Babbitt

Data is also emerging that, within corporate environments, what a person can learn between two and five years in the same company is major - as you get experience under your belt, become more trusted and given greater responsibility. It can set you back personally if you have to start over again elsewhere. Mark Babbitt, CEO of YouTern, blames overselling of the 'follow your passion' mantra. He believes that people are treating their corporate careers like a freelance career - and when it doesn't work for them after the 2.3 years on average, they leave. The corporate and freelance mentalities are very different. More here in my podcast conversation with Mark.

Change your mind to change your mind

In a VUCA world, it almost seems counter-intuitive to expect something to occur in an unpredictable future. Expect the unexpected. Pragmatism suggests setting realistic, shorter-term, achievable expectations. Wellbeing suggests being open and honest about how you really feel, what you don't want and what you do, getting out of your personal echo chamber and seeking different perspectives.

An antidote to unrealistic expectations is adopting a mindset that embraces uncertainty and ambiguity - testing yourself with the unexpected to build resilience and mental toughness, and exploring and discovering to exploit serendipitous opportunities. Make space for the unexpected and serendipity. Back yourself. Change your mind to change your mind.

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David (@David_Shindler) is an independent coach, blogger and speaker, associate with several consultancies, founder of The Employability Hub (free resources for students and graduates), author of Learning to Leap: a guide to being more employable, Digital Bad Hair Days and co-author with Mark Babbitt of 21st Century Internships (over 200,000 downloads worldwide). His commitment and energy are in promoting lifelong personal and professional development and in tackling youth unemployment. He works with young people and professionals in education and business.

To read more of his work - visit the Learning to Leap blog and download the app to receive his weekly blogs on your mobile (iTunes and Google Play).

And check out his other published articles on LinkedIn:

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