E287:Leadership and Ego Don’t Work Together

To all of us:

It’s not about you!?

(Here is my favorite start of a book I read longtime ago)

But ego? It’s all about you. That’s why leadership and ego don’t mix—they’re oil and water. Ego says, “Look at me,” while leadership says, “Look at us.” The minute ego enters the room, true leadership walks out the door.

You can’t lead a team, a movement, or a company if your ego is calling the shots.?Because ego wants to take, while leadership is about giving. Ego wants the credit; leadership wants results. Ego builds walls, but leadership builds bridges.(that’s why selfish people can’t become authentic leaders and if ?they lead they are fake)

Ego Seeks Validation, Leaders Seek Impact

The ego is a validation junkie. It craves recognition, applause, attention, and approval. It wants the spotlight, center stage and the corner office. But here's the uncomfortable truth: real leadership has nothing to do with validation and everything to do with impact that creates a better reality…for others.

If you're constantly seeking to be the smartest person in the room, you’ve already failed as a leader. Because leadership isn’t about proving you know more. It’s about helping others achieve more. It’s about making sure the right ideas win, not your ideas. And sometimes? The best leaders are the ones who can step back and let others shine. (Rare)

Leaders Don’t Lead from the Front, They Lead from wherever is needed, including from Behind

Ego loves the front. It loves to be in charge, to be the face of every success, to take ownership of every win. But leadership? Leadership happens in the shadows, where the work gets done and the credit gets shared.

Great leaders know this: real influence isn’t about being out in front, it’s about empowering others to step forward. When you lead from behind, you create space for your team to grow, to take risks, to own their successes—and yes, even their failures. Ego doesn’t want that. Ego wants to control. But leaders? They let go of control, because they trust in the people around them. (Sometimes they do that with soft gloves and elegance but that is makeup. The intention is still selfish)

Ego is Fragile. Leadership is Resilient.

Here’s the thing about ego: it’s fragile. It cracks under pressure. It can’t handle criticism, failure, or rejection. And in leadership, those things are inevitable. If you’re leading, you’re going to fail. You’re going to be wrong (and admire it). You’re going to face criticism. But here’s where leaders and egos part ways: leaders learn from failure. Ego runs from it.

Leaders ask, “What can we do better next time?” Ego says, “That wasn’t my fault.” Ego makes excuses. Leadership owns mistakes. Ego hides from feedback. Leadership invites it. The moment you let ego take the wheel, you’re no longer steering the ship toward growth—you’re steering it into a dead end. (You become the Titanic)

Leadership is Service. Ego is Selfish.

At its core, leadership is about service. It’s about lifting others up, not lifting yourself up. When you lead, your job is to serve the people around you, to create an environment where they can thrive, to help solve problems so they can do their best work.

But ego doesn’t want to serve. Ego wants to be served. Ego asks, “What’s in it for me?” while leadership asks, “How can I help?” If your goal as a leader is to get something—status, recognition, rewards—you’re in it for the wrong reasons. Leaders who lead with ego aren’t leaders. They’re just bosses (often manipulative). And nobody wants to follow a boss.

Real Leaders Leave Their Ego at the Door

The best leaders? They know that ego is the enemy. They check it at the door because they understand that leadership is about more than personal gain. It’s about collective success. And they’re not afraid to admit when they’re wrong, because they care more about getting it right than being right.

When you strip away ego, you create space for trust, collaboration, and innovation. You create a culture where ideas matter more than titles, where feedback isn’t a threat but a tool for growth.

Leadership Isn’t About You, and That’s the Point

If you’re leading because you want to be seen, you’re not leading. If you’re in it for the accolades, the promotions, or the glory, you’re missing the point. Leadership is about the people you serve, the good impact you create, and the legacy you leave. Ego will always tell you that leadership is about you, but the best leaders know: it’s about everyone else.

So the next time your ego tries to steal the show, remind it that true leadership isn’t about being the star. It’s about building a stage where others can shine. And that? That’s where the magic happens.

Because ego and leadership don’t work together. But you? You can be the leader who serves and creates stars.

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