A dysfunctional relationship with Stress and anxiety.

Stress and anxiety don’t make you suffer. You suffer because of your toxic relationship with them.

15.8% of the population in the South Africa suffer from an anxiety disorder. Worldwide, that number climbs up to 301 million people. It leads to school dropouts, substance abuse, relationships ending, job loss, depression - and even suicide.

It’s a tragedy. Because all of this could be prevented with a little awareness.

Anxiety and stress are not the problem. They are a part of the normal human condition. The real problems are the misconceptions around them. And the dysfunctional relationships people have developed with them. Even the terms anxiety, stress, and worry have a lot of confusion around them. People often use them as if they're the same. It makes things even more complicated.

Stress is physiological changes within your body that make you feel unpleasant. Things or people that cause stress are called stressors. A stress response is your body gearing up for movement or an action - to fight or flee from the stressor.It increases blood flow to your legs and heart. It cuts down blood flow to your digestive and other systems not needed for immediate action. This reaction is the same - whether you're working out overloaded at work fighting an infection or dealing with an asshole boss.

Anxiety is the emotion associated with stress. It’s the cold, clammy feeling of dread and uncertainty. Worrying is a cognitive process. It's a conscious choice to go along with the train of thoughts that pops up in your mind when you’re anxious. People struggle with stress, anxiety, and worry because they see them as unnatural and unwanted. But these play an important role in our lives. Short-term hormetic stress boosts your immune system and overall wellness. You need more of that kind of stress in your life. Stress only becomes an issue when it becomes chronic and prevents you from returning to the default relaxed state. Then it causes problems like heart disease, weakened immune system, digestive problems, obesity, and diabetes.

Anxiety is a normal human emotion. It warns you of danger. It helps you meet deadlines and handle life's emergencies. It shows you care - about improving, maintaining high standards, and the people in your life. It only becomes a problem when every bush seems to hide a fox. Anxiety then starts to dominate your life, steals the joy out of it, and prevents you from living by your values. Similarly, worrying is your brain's way of solving problems. But when it becomes excessive and compulsive, it can lead to anxiety and depressive disorders. So trying to eliminate stress, anxiety, and worry from your life backfires. You start to judge yourself for not being able to do something impossible. It turns into a vicious cycle.

So what do you do instead? Adopt the Dao philosophy and stay away from extremes. By all means, avoid chronic stress and anxiety. But don’t get too caught up trying to eliminate them from your life.

Here are 4 strategic habits that will help you manage stress, anxiety, and worry: 1. Mindfulness A mindfulness practice is a gift that keeps on giving. It's like installing a real-time antivirus scanner in your mind, always on the lookout for creeping anxieties and worries.Yet, it's one of the hardest habits to develop. You're too hard on yourself and quit early. You forget that your mind is supposed to wander. Chaos is the natural state of mind. Treat meditation as a workout and refocusing as the rep count. More reps make you stronger.

2. Journaling Journaling is one of those cheat codes to life that I can’t talk about enough. To get the most mileage from this habit, I do these 4 things daily:

- Writing a gratitude entry

- Setting intentions for the day

- Managing schedules and tasks

- Daily reflection

Anxiety and worry stop being unmanageable when you know where you’re heading and keep correcting the course.

3. Stop watching “news” Our brains pay more attention to dangers. News channels exploit this loophole to grab your attention. They get you agitated so that you are more likely to impulse buy whatever they are selling. News has been banned in my house for the last 4 years. It keeps unwanted stress away. Important news always finds its way to me through social circles. Everyone loves to break the big news to the guy who lives under a rock.

4. Regular social Interactions Staying socially connected plays a huge role in reducing stress. That’s why people in the Blue Zones (who live longer than the average) have rituals around social connections.If you’re an introvert like me, too much socialization feels exhausting. But too little of it causes harm as well. It increases tachykinins in our bodies, making us feel more fearful and weakening our immune system.

So what do you do? Aim for a balance that feels right for you. Find your “Dao”.