Dying before the battle

Steve Jobs once said '“Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life".

This week we are celebrating and commiserating Her Majesty’s Queen Elizabeth II remarkable legacy of authentic and graceful leadership. She was an incredible role model of endurance, loyalty, kindness, and dedication to her people.

One of the most ancient spiritual teachings is the concept of dying before the battle. It means in order to be who you are, you must be willing to let go of who you think you are.

That’s what we practiced during the Samurai game, at our 4PC community annual gathering in San Diego at the end of August. The Samurai game is known for being one of the most powerful leadership games ever invented.?Everyone who ever plays is sworn to secrecy. The rules are unwritten and unknown in advance. And they change from game to game. It is about playing with integrity, honesty, courage, and commitment in a world that is unfair, arbitrary, and capricious. It is about knowing that you will die sooner or later in the game and giving it all for your army.

It's not for everyone. We were all given three chances to opt out. Nobody did.

It was certainly one of the most transformative leadership experiences I’ve ever encountered.

Having been chosen to be the leader of the Army of the South, I was the last one standing and died in the last battle against the leader of the Army of the North, who won the war. They deserved it.

My deepest ten insights?

1.?????The power of a Learning Mindset. It’s not about winning the game (of life). It is about the learnings gained in the process. And what we do with those learnings.

2.?????The power of Centre-ing. It’s all about learning to be centred and keep breathing. It makes the difference between “dying”, surviving, or thriving in those most difficult moments in life.

3.?????The power of Advocacy. I did not put my hand up for the role of the leader.?In fact, I wanted to hide and found excuses to avoid being put forward for any physical tasks. Yet, when Tatiana advocated for me, she rallied the troops to nominate me. And she kept advocating and believing in me in difficult moments. It was the difference that made the difference in keeping me centred.

4.?????The power of Connection. Spending the time to connect with the team members during the pre-game preparations, to get to know each other’s strengths and weaknesses, values, preferences, and needs created a team bond and spirit hard to break by the other army.

5.?????The power of Honesty. It saved my A_S. ?Admitting to not knowing the answer and?confessing to when I was not centred and confused, won me some sympathy from the War Gods. It might have bruised my credibility, yet it saved us some lives.

6.?????The power of Perseverance. For me, giving up is not an option. The more obstacles were thrown our way, the more I was determined to not let it derail me from my mission. ?

7.?????The power of Energy of Love. The constant encouragement, care and devotion shown by all team members (including to those dead and buried) kept our spirits high and won us new members who chose to join our army and not the enemy’s. It was a great honour and my proudest moment.

8.?????The power of Intuition. It’s when I didn’t listen to it, we lost key team members.

9.?????The power of Speaking Up. I didn’t always do it under the pressures of the game. When I did, it paid off.

10.??The power of a Silent Yes. I learned that I am always leading with a Yes, even when I don’t say it out loud or want to say No. Despite not feeling up for it, I accepted the challenge of being the leader with grace out of an extreme sense of self-sacrifice, duty, and responsibility. That’s my dark controlling side of my Enneagram 8 type.?And it comes with a price.

And my biggest insight?

The only one thing that takes more courage than saying “Yes,” is saying “No.”?

I am still working on it.

And in the meantime, my team and wonderful 4PC community have banned me from giving in to my instinctive pull of saying Yes to all opportunities. ?At least not until I say No to something else. I can’t say I’m looking forward to missing out, yet I am excited about making a conscious choice of going deeper into self-mastery.

Six years ago today, I founded ADAPTAA . It’s when I said No to security and status and Hell Yes to excitement and freedom.?And today is my son’s first day at University. It is a Hell No to a gloomy prognosis we received eight years ago and a huge Yes to a life of possibilities.

When you are saying Yes to something, what are you saying No to?