During an Interview, Can Two Rights Make a Wrong? How two positive Emotional Intelligence traits can combine to be a bad thing?
Over the previous 2 weeks I have written about Behavioral Emotional Intelligence (EQ). If you have not already done so, I recommend you read last week’s blog prior to continuing, as this will pick up where that one left off.
By now we all understand that recruiters are trying to extract if a candidate has specific EQ traits. Once in a while though, having 2 good traits can be a bad thing. This seems counter intuative to a normal argument, but I will attempt to show how that is precisely true when it comes to Empathy and Flexibility. Two extremely positive traits that can combine and become a frustrating combination for a leader to have. More on that to come, first let’s look at each one of these elements separately.
Empathy
Empathy is simply the ability to understand and share the feeling of another. If a trained recruiter is trying to determine someone’s level or ability to be empathetic, they might ask questions/requests like:
- Give me an example of a time when you had to deliver the same bad news to more than one person. Tell me how you went about it.
- Tell me about a time when you used humor to diffuse a tense situation.
- Tell me about the toughest constructive criticism you’ve had to give someone else.
A recruiter is trying to figure out if you are someone that knows how to respect other people’s feelings. I, having served in the United States Marine Corps for 9 years, was not “groomed” to be a natural empathizer. I have always identified with the teacher from Dangerous Minds, whose character was based on a Marine Lieutenant, ironically enough, turned teacher; played by Michelle Pfeiffer. There is one scene in the movie when she shouts out to the group of students, “There are no victims in this classroom!” Again as you watch the movie you will learn that she has tremendous empathy for her students, but if you were to simply watch this 5 second clip, you certainly couldn’t see it.
Flexibility
Flexibility is the ability to be easily modified, and willingness to change or compromise. I think we would all agree that people who are nimble and possess the ability to process information quickly to make a decision are a strong resource. Here are some ways to lean in to learn more about someone’s flexibility.
- When was the last time you had to act when there was no policy or formal procedure to do so? Tell me what you did.
- Tell me about the biggest professional risk you have taken.
- Give me an example of a time when your creativity helped you achieve a seemingly out of reach goal.
- Think of a time in the past when you didn’t have the time to make something perfect, so you had to sacrifice quality for speed. What happened?
Recruiters are often told by hiring managers that they want someone that has the ability to work with operations and evolve as the plan changes. This type of person is going to be an asset for the organization most of the time.
As we continue to unpack EQ traits, we will discuss in this instance/scenario, it’s not always good to have two positive abilities. Sometimes they can play off each other in a way that is less than desirable for a specific position.
How can it be that two rights make a wrong?
I think the best way to illustrate this dilemma is to reference another television character. There is a fairly new show on TV called, “The Good Place.” Pretty good show, I am not sure if it is going to be around for a long duration, but it’s a low stress, entertaining, way to spend twenty-two minutes. This comedy features four main characters who have all died and “ascended” to the “The Good Place.” One of these characters is named Chidi Anagonye, played by William Jackson Harper.
Chidi during his time on earth was an Ethics Teacher. Once in “The Good Place,” you learn that there is another character, Eleanor Shellstrop, played by Kristen Bell, who doesn’t belong there. She was not exactly what you might refer to as a role model. She was accidently allowed to be in this paradise.
Throughout the show, Chidi has tremendous Empathy for Eleanor. Chidi also demonstrates his ability to be Flexible when the circumstances around him change dramatically, by modifying his actions to help Eleanor. It all seems pretty good so far. Chidi seems like the type of person anyone would want to work with right?
If anyone has watched this show, you will know that Chidi has one huge downfall; he is unable to make a decision. His heart leans one way or the other constantly till he just shuts down. He does well at taking orders and being told what to do, but good luck if you are waiting on him to tell you what needs to be done. He just can’t do it.
Do you see why these two traits when combined can be a bad thing for certain positions? People who have strong empathy and strong flexibility will struggle to choose one path and walk it. They do very well with following orders, but when they lead a team of two or more, they have a strong propensity to be influenced by others. This makes them tough people to follow. They will have a hard time choosing the path and walking it. Once a coworker shows any displeasure, they will immediately empathize and potentially alter the direction of the team frustrating the other team members even more.
For that reason, I will always be sure when I’m hiring someone that is going to be a leader in my company, the hiring manager is mindful of where the person stands in terms of these two EQ traits.
Final Thought
?The earlier Dangerous Minds reference is a great illustration of the recruiting interview process. Recruiting professionals are trying to accurately depict if someone has or lacks certain EQ traits. The story the candidate tells is not the only insight the recruiter gets, but it is certainly the source for the majority of it. It’s also one that the candidate can control. It’s important to be able to tell a story when you are asked Behavioral EQ questions, but be sure to tell the right story. Don’t tell the story about you yelling at a bunch of kids who were born into extremely difficult circumstances. Tell the story of how you inspired, motivated and led them to achieve more than what they ever thought possible. Remember, you control your story, so set yourself up for success with proper interview prep.