The Dumbass Guide to LinkedIn

{Warning this article contains sarcasm, dark humor, and swearing. If you’re offended by Donald Trump, this article will likely offend you.}

I wish I were better at underestimating people’s intelligence. Then I would understand why people behave the way they do and get upset when others don’t respond the way they wished.

Let’s take LinkedIn for example.

Everyone is now an expert.  

And the experts tell us LinkedIn is the best place to generate B2B business.

And these so-called experts are giving advice on how to do LinkedIn right.

Yet their advice makes about as much sense as listening to a CNN reporter on how to run the military.

Evidently, there’s a huge demand for Dumbass LinkedIn advice, which I’ve been missing out on, which is why I prepared this guide.

The Dumbass Guide to LinkedIn

STEP 1: Connect with as many random people as possible. Don’t worry about the industry, job title or company. Those are irrelevant details. What’s important is to connect because you will be spamming them soon with money-making opportunities.

STEP 2: As soon as you connect send a boilerplate message, but don’t use their first name, instead say, “Hi Friend”. This is a secret rapport building tactic only the truly informed know.

STEP 3: If there’s no response to your first message, its best to follow-up within a few hours with a longer, more detailed message about yourself and how great you are.

STEP 4: Ignore writing any articles that demonstrate your industry expertise, instead focus on posting daily motivation stuff, because CEOs can’t motivate themselves.  

STEP 5: If you do decide to post something other than motivation, be sure it’s random and not focused on teaching or informing your readers. Remember its better to talk about yourself or your product than to educate.

STEP 6: Finally if all else fails, call your new contact directly and say, "Hi buddy, we’re connected on LinkedIn and I just wanted to introduce myself." High-level business professionals love it when they have a chance to break away from their important work and talk with a stranger over the phone.

Unfortunately, this type of stuff is being done every day, by people and companies who should know better. When you give a new sales rep the LinkedIn Navigator tool and a quota, what do you expect to happen?

You guessed it... Dumbass LinkedIn Stuff.

Imagine if you will... you are that busy executive, who’s earning more than $250,000 a year and you are responsible for growing a real business.

I understand this can be a hard concept for a recent college grad, who’s happy they landed their first real job, but imagine that’s you and an entire company or department depends on you.

Now as that busy executive you get interrupted by a stranger when you’re right in the middle of an important project, that has an approaching deadline.  

Again, a difficult concept for a green-pea salesperson to imagine, so think how you feel when you get interrupted playing Call of Duty on your XBox.  

Now multiply that by 10.

That’s how pissed real business people get with your interruption selling tactics on LinkedIn.

The good news is your newly pissed off prospect will likely forget you in a few days.

So what are you going to do now?

Yep... more interruptions, of course, one is never enough. It's now time to repeatedly cold calls this busy executive with more voicemails, emails, and LinkedIn messages, all the time thinking you’re being productive and working hard.

Have you heard the saying...“If it was easy, everyone would do it.” That’s the state of LinkedIn selling today. Everyone is doing this dumbass stuff.

But here’s the good news...if your that new salesperson... and your company has not provided formal LinkedIn training... or consistently provides you with specific content to share... that solves a specific problem...for your most valuable prospects... then they probably don’t care if you post random shit and interrupt busy executives.

Sadly, if this was not happening every day the above article might be funny.  

But my LinkedIn message center is filled with stranger’s solicitations offering to help me grow my business from LinkedIn. Unfortunately, they don’t know anything about business or LinkedIn.

Whether you are a lone-ranger on your own or have two hundred reps working on your team, you should never pound prospects with “Do you want to buy from me” on LinkedIn. 

I wrote Selling is Not a Numbers Game Anymore because a recent client was doing just that.

If you are looking to reinvigorate your LinkedIn results, going from mediocrity to greatness is obtainable and I can help. Stated differently, I’ll turn LinkedIn green-peas into LinkedIn Green Berets.  

Obviously taking the wrong actions on LinkedIn can actually accelerate failure.

If you feel like your LinkedIn results are underperforming you are probably right. 

About Andrew Compton: I do the work I do because I love it… or maybe it’s my addiction. Either way, I was hooked on selling after a summer selling for commissions, paid for an entire year of college. 

Today, I am obsessively passionate about LinkedIn and winning new business with content marketing. I like working behind the scenes to drive engagement and training others on my engineered LinkedIn sales process. 

The Next Step: Now that you know something about me, I'd like to know a little about you. Send me your current LinkedIn company page for a free, no-obligation evaluation of your LinkedIn presence and your communication message.

If you'd like to meet, schedule a call. I'd be glad to show you some of the work I've done for clients, and take a look at what I can do for you.

To schedule a call with me directly, click here.

.