Duck Tape or Zip-Ties, Why?

I was recently asked the best application follow up question I have ever seen. I had so much fun taking the time to make my response personal, remember that you are interviewing potential employers for their reactions as well.

So here ya go. (Best if read aloud in the cadence of a David Sedaris short)

Duck Tape or Zip-Ties, Why?

As a child of the 80's I was raised in the singular religion of the time. Duck Tape. It was to be used for any and all fixes, big and small, no care in world for the future. Red Green was, and still is in many ways, a genuine influence on all of the decisions I have made in life. Duck Tape was used with reckless abandon, different styles, colors, quality, patterns... the combinations were almost endless. But then one day as I grew into a sentient young adult and after spending 96 million hours cleaning residue off anything I'd recently "fixed" I came learn that Duck Tape is not the savior I had grown to trust. I came to realize that it might be the single most overrated thing for sale on the open market, it's not temp stable, moisture stable, not even good at sealing ducts (prolly works on ducks... I have not tried to be honest!) My world was tossed asunder as I am sure you can only imagine.

Now as I grew in year there was a new option on the horizon. Enter the humble zip-tie. Let me be clear that clear zip-ties are fickle beasts, fragile and brittle, and the quality of a black zip-tie is the finest measure of an installers personal character. I started cheap, let's be real, I was still deeply in recovery from the Duck Tape fiasco of the early 90's. I went with the 500 pack, multiple colors, multiple lengths. You know the clear tube I speak of. It was okay, a few cuts here and there from poorly trimmed ends, but all in all, residue free and secure. I noted those zip-ties of the early days left a bit to be desired. Especially if you bring sunlight into the mix... but they still worked the treat.

I started to invest more extensively in my zip-ties. Slowly moving through the big box hardware store vintages. We got along well. Thousands, maybe tens of thousands strapped around hundreds of projects. Cheap, effective, gorgeous. I mean come on. But then friends, I had a moment. Not many years ago, when I was just a hatchling van builder I found two things that would forever change my life. Ty-Rap Cable Ties, and the most perfect tool... the cable-tie tensioner and trimmer, people, this moment of clarity was truly stunning and majestic! Gone were the days of over tightening and snapping a tie in the most awkward spot, gone were the bloody knuckles from ties trimmed with a box knife or a nail clipper. Just perfectly tightened cable ties, secured for all to see. The stone cold grip of steel making sure all was held in place. There was much rejoicing.

Lest I let my opine go on too long... I will tie this thing up tight. I think it's clear to all that Duck Tape belongs where is should have been the whole time, in a dumpster fire, and fancy pants cable-ties are the bees knees!

Don't even get me started on Gorilla Tape...