Dualities Run Our Life

This week I have witnessed the dualities between what we want and get the most pleasure out of vs. what we need to do for life to work better. The ultimate goal is for the two to be one and the same. However, We do not usually experience life in such harmony.

"I want to be healthy and do all I can to be healthy, but I hate exercising, walking every day, and eating healthy ." Or "I want to be financially independent, but I can't save monthly and want the freedom to do what I want now." I am positive you can find at least one such duality in every area of your life.

Why so many dualities? Because we are human and operate more than just survival needs. We create separate parts with different requirements that work simultaneously and demand their need to be actualized.?

How do we separate? Much of the research on identity shows that since we are social beings, receiving the approval of our parents, caretakers, and others in our tribe becomes essential. We need a sense of belonging, and to align ourselves with our society's values and requirements, we forgo our own needs to match others. Examples of these values are what measurers identify Love, success, independence, and wealth and what are acceptable ways of achieving them. A person learns the path of least resistance from their family and society to move forward. The schooling they have to have to be successful, the practices they have to do to be wealthy, how to look attractive, etc.?

What If these standards don't match a person's internal standards or values? Conflict arises from external requirements and internal needs. Since we introject the external values internally, the battle becomes internal and yields to inner dualities.

What can we do? The first is to recognize that we are in this predicament. Usually, we are not aware of this inner conflict until it shows up in our behaviors and results. "I say I want to be healthy, but my actions lead me to the result of being overweight and illness."

Or, "I want to be financial independence, but I have more debt than my monthly salary."?When a person becomes responsible for creating an unwanted result, they can monitor their decision-making process and be accountable for actions that lead to a result they don't want. They realize that another need also insists on being fulfilled even more powerfully since "it" creates the tangible outcome in life.?

Awareness of our inner parts is crucial and the first step to an internal negotiation between the components. When we are not aware or don't negotiate, it becomes a tug of war game that one part wins for a while before the other part comes with a vengeance to take center attention with a victimized stance of "what about me? it is my turn to manifest".?

This awareness allows for the negotiation process to get implemented. The integration method can be about listening to each part, writing down from each perspective what the short terms or immediate needs are vs. the long-term aspirations. All aspects need to be honored, heard, and respected. If one part needs a short-term pleasure while another needs a more extended-term achievement path which will include some hard work, then the negotiation can be an interval pleasure with hard work to get the desired outcome and fulfill both parts.

Without these solid negotiations, life will appear as a series of flip-flopping between the polar extremes. With the collaboration of all parts, life can become more smooth sailing toward fulfilling life's most desired with a sense of fulfillment.

If you as a parent need to gain skills in Self-awareness and emotional regulation, get my book - "Life Reset - The Awareness Integration Path to Create the Life you Want."