Dualities

What if you are tired, burned out, and yet have so much zest inside for reaching big goals? The two parts at times oppose each other.?

I spoke with a young woman who has finished her schooling and is ready to launch her career but is tired already of 20 years of studying and scared of taking on the adult role. Whenever she thinks of looking for a job, her stomach cringes, and becomes a little girl who whines and says "I don't want to get a job. I want to stay forever 18. I am tired already". Knowing that growing up is inevitable and what she is pushing away is forcing itself toward her.

I spoke with a 45-year-old man who has launched his business and is struggling through the first two years, and sees the potential for future earnings and growth, has the vision of where to go and how to get there, but is tired already. He is angrily frustrated all the time and yells at his wife and children because he is tired and exhausted and yet the zest and passion of his growth is brewing inside.

I spoke with a 62-year-old woman who has come from a very tough childhood, pulled through, and has made it to where she wanted to in her career and family.?A part of her says she should retire and enjoy life as is, yet another part plans elaborate projects for her. Her body can't take it anymore and won't cooperate. She is tired and no longer has the stamina for her lofty visions.?

Another man I spoke with wants to take off and share his skills with the world, and his fears of playing big and being known and being harmed stop him. He is tired of taking a risk and losing it all.

What can you do when one part is desiring to run forward, and another is tired already, sitting and not moving?

The short answer is 'Lots of good negotiation between the two parts'

It is important first to distinguish between fantasies and goals, realistic fears vs. irrational fears,

Temporary setbacks and conditions vs. permanent or ongoing phase of life changes.

Fantasies vs. goals

Human beings are future-oriented, creative, visual imaging beings. There are so many possibilities that we visualize and can choose to implement. Fantasies are visualizations that are based on creativity.?When the visualization begins to get some form of reality and can be implemented in real observable life, then it becomes a goal that with concrete actions can be manifested.?

Realistic fears vs. irrational fears

There are real dangers, people, or situations that can harm us. There are also "what if" thoughts that when you run them through a logical rational chain of analysis, just don't hold up.?

Temporary situations vs. permanent phases of life changes

There are times that someone has worked hard or has been stressed for a period due to an unfortunate situation or a period of growth. In these instances, a person can just take some time off, replenish and recuperate.?There is also a realization that a situation or deterioration is permanent due to injury or aging.?In this stance, we need to respect the new phase, grieve for the old ways of being and adapt our lives to the new energy level or abilities.

I have noticed that the two sides of me negotiate continuously. One part is excited to conquer the world, gets giddy, filled with a zest for life while another gets tired, and does not have the capacity nor the energy to do as much as it used to.?At 60 years of age, my body can't operate without 8 hours of sleep and can't even multitask as well as it used to.?

I have sensed sadness and grief that comes over, a denial, a form of rebelliousness, feeling of sadness about letting go of long-term visions that could have been. There is also an identity that has been built around a career, a way of conducting a daily activity that resists a change toward some new way of structuring.?Repurposing life.

Coming to terms with dualities and shifting slowly through the transition time with awareness is the key.

Cherishing all parts and moving slowly through the resistance toward what is envisioned or is best for the future.

For the young lady who is needing to say goodbye to teen years and embrace adulthood, or the woman who needs to say goodbye to a full-time career and cherish quieting down and enjoying other parts of life, it will all be a transition from one phase of life to another. From the grief of letting go, cherishing the lessons that can be taken with us toward a new beginning, learning, and experiencing a whole new world.?

Life moves and changes, you can resist it or flow with it. Honor the feelings of grief, while you begin exploring with curiosity what life is giving you as a gift.

For more observational and integrational skills to become fully present and whole get my book -?Life Reset: The Awareness Integration Path to Create the Life You Want.