drowning in the sand

Don’t judge a book by its cover is one of the most well-known phrases that I often heard growing up. Having read several books in my life, I would say at times that’s been untrue but most times it’s been true.

Now that I’m seeing real people in therapy and spiritual direction, it resonates deeply as I slowly turn each page, awaiting and appreciating whatever the words may say.

Recently in a spiritual direction cohort meeting, we were discussing a fellow director’s session. He was sharing that he wanted so badly for his directee to be somewhere more stable and open to receiving love. I got this analogy of his directee standing on the shore and heard this phrase in my heart, “ some people are standing on the shore but feel like they’re drowning in inch-deep water.” I was struck. For so much of my life, I’ve been conditioned to swim out into the deep, take risks and go forth. This moment redefined what it means to meet people where they are.

Our ability to feel and be present to where we are, determines the pace at which we move forward. use analogy of sand and water.

Instead of pulling others into the oceanic depths, what does it look like to drown together in the sand? Toes in, feeling every grain and detail of our lives. As we get familiar with where we are, together, side by side, we and whoever we are walking with take the next step and the next and the next. Eventually, we start walking into the water, then wading.

One of the most transformational moments is when we put our heads beneath the waves and start learning to breathe underwater. The Christian mystics call it drowning in oceanic oneness with the divine. That takes time though and while “a drop of water is not the same as the ocean” as Carl McColman says, it is still water and there is part of the ocean within the wet sand.

As I sit with my clients, I try and resist the tempation to pull them underwater. Instead, I meet them on the shore. I try and remember that everyone’s definition and understanding of “drowning” is different and that it’s most important that they know someone is there with them in the water. No matter how shallow or deep.

I’ve tried to go even more personal and inward with it and more clearly understand and know my own shores and watery depths. I find comfort knowing there’s another deeper Source, meeting me where I am.

Questions

• what shore are you standing on?
• in what ways do you feel like you’re drowning?
• who or what is meeting you to take your hand to step towards the water?

Quote

“People are just as wonderful as sunsets if you let them be. When I look at a sunset, I don't find myself saying, "Soften the orange a bit on the right hand corner." I don't try to control a sunset. I watch with awe as it unfolds.”

― Carl R. Rogers, A Way of Being

Practice

Sit and close your eyes. Plant your feet on the ground in front of you and gently hold your hands together. Begin to deeply breathe. As you do, imagine yourself standing on a shore of wet sand. Feel the grains and water, that cool, refershing feeling of being grounded.

Now, imagine the person you feel safest with and trust the most, kindly taking your hand. Now, picture you all walking towards the water, slowly. Taking your time here and stop if you need to. As you slowly enter the water, continue to breathe deeply and trust the process.

You can always go forward, you can always go backward. What matters is that you know where you are. As you wade in, get comfortable and let the water take you. Fight the fear of control and what will happen if you drown. Right before your head sinks beneath the waves, tell yourself, “I was made to breathe underwater”. Let go and simply be.

We all have to come up for air now and again but each time, we learn to go a bit deeper, stay a bit longer and breathe a bit more naturally. Welcome home.