Drops of Wisdom: "I'm Sorry"
Hi,
Warm greetings from ToDo.
We are in the process of getting ready for our certification program, and hosting friends over the holiday weekend.? The nights are getting brisk and the first dabs of color are beginning to appear on the trees.??Change is in the air and we collected our first basket of apples today.? An apple cobbler is inevitable.??
With love and appreciation for your support,
Linda
I'm Sorry
by Linda Anderson Krech
“Why were you so worried?,” I would often say to my mom. “I wasn’t all that late, and besides, I’m a very good driver.”
How unreasonable, I would think to myself. What a worrier, I’d repeat silently. She and I could go back and forth about our perspectives. Was she being reasonable or unreasonable? Was I irresponsible or was she overprotective? Probably a bit of both, a mix of the two. But she really does worry too much, I would always conclude.
So if I thought she was really creating the problem, or at least contributing heavily to it, I didn’t feel inclined to offer much of an apology. I may have said something like, “I’m sorry, mom, but maybe you should find something else to do with your time so you don’t worry so much.”
But from Japanese Psychology -- specifically Naikan -- I came to see that we don’t need to tangle with issues of right and wrong before offering an apology. We can simply ask ourselves the question, “Did I cause trouble?” and apologize if the answer is “yes.” It’s so simple.
We can recognize the other person’s suffering and let them know that we care. “I’m sorry you were so worried about me. I know how awful it feels to be worried.” And as I think about this situation now, looking back into our pre-cellphone world, I have more regret about the worry I caused. I'm sorry, mom.
If we think we made a mistake or used poor judgment, we can include that but there are bound to be plenty of times when we won’t be clear about that at all. Our relationships are complicated and messy and our lives are hopelessly intertwined. Who set the stage for this problem? Who started it? Who escalated it? It can be hard to tell which end is up sometimes.
Forget about what’s reasonable. That won’t get you anywhere. Forget about who’s right. You’re right 90% of the time. So am I. We all are. Unfortunately, the math doesn’t add up. But it’s not hard to tell when we’ve caused trouble . . . especially in our close relationships.
Softening up enough to show that we care about the other person’s experience can go a long way toward resolving tensions (even if we believe, with every cell in our body, that we are?"right").
PRACTICE EXERCISE
Noticing Your Everyday World
Keep your senses sharp as you travel through your common, everyday world, whether inside or outside. What is different from yesterday? Or from this morning?? Activate your curiosity and look for shadows on the wall, changes in a nearby tree, blossoms as they come and go. And look for things you may have never noticed before at all – the color of a neighbor’s door or the details of a mailbox.? You may notice all kinds of surprises.?
Making the shift from thinking to experiencing makes the world more interesting and?can also boost your energy and mood.
领英推荐
QUOTE OF THE DAY
Joy is being willing for things to be as they are.
-- Charlotte Joko Beck
Vermont Residential Certification
Monkton, Vermont Sept. 22 – 28, 2024
with Gregg & Linda Anderson Krech
Germany Residential Certification
Bavaria, Germany Oct. 20 - 27, 2024
with Gregg Krech & Sabine Kaspari
This 7-day Residential Certification Program is our most comprehensive educational opportunity.
The program provides an opportunity for you to step back from your day-to-day life, immerse yourself in then wisdom and beauty of Japanese Psychology, reflect on your life, develop new practices, soften your heart, challenge your stories, activate your senses, savor natures beauty, and become an integral part of this year’s residential community.
It is a rich and empowering curriculum, drawing mental health professionals, educators, health practitioners, as well as the general public, in search of the best way to spend their 30,000 days.
We'd love to have you join us!
Contact Linda for further information: [email protected] / 802-453-4440