The Drivers of Change

I often find myself learning life lessons from my kids in the most unexpected ways. Recently, I had one such experience that got me thinking deeply about motivation, commitment, and the forces that drive us toward or away from our goals.

The soccer season has just ended for my son and our family. It was a season filled with excitement, growth, and a bit of frustration, particularly from my six-year-old son. He started off enthusiastic, eager to play every game. Halfway through the season, though, he decided he no longer wanted to play. As a parent and the team manager, my response was clear, he had made a commitment, which needed to be honored till the end of the season. And so, every week, he showed up on the field, half-heartedly, running around without much enthusiasm. He didn’t score goals; he just participated, fulfilling his obligation.

Now, if you know anything about six-year-olds, you know that their moods can be as changeable as the weather. My son is no exception. When he’s in the mood to play, he’s unstoppable—a great player with energy and skill. When he’s not, well, let’s just say he’s not exactly focused on scoring goals. As we approached the soccer carnival over the weekend, where he had to play three games in one day, my husband and I knew we needed to find a way to motivate him.

Before the first game, my husband made him an offer - if he scored a goal, he wouldn’t have to play soccer next year. You can guess what happened next, can’t you? My son went out on that field with determination, scored a goal, and triumphantly announced afterward that he wouldn’t have to play next year. We all had a good laugh, and it also sparked an important realisation for me.

A powerful truth about human behaviour, we are all driven by "towards" and "away from" motivators. These forces shape our actions, decisions, and ultimately, our lives.

? What drives you?

? What are the forces that pull you towards your goals or push you away from situations you want to avoid?

It’s fascinating how these drivers can influence everything from small decisions, like whether to play soccer, to major life choices.

Consider my son’s situation. His desire to stop playing soccer was so strong that he was willing to do whatever it took to make that change happen. His "away from" driver—his desire to move away from playing soccer—was powerful enough to propel him into action. He scored that goal not out of a love for the game, but out of a desire to avoid playing it next season.

As adults, we often find ourselves in similar situations. We may be stuck in a job we dislike, a relationship that no longer serves us, or a lifestyle that feels unfulfilling. The question is, what’s stronger for you: the pull towards something better, or the push to move away from what you no longer want?

When either your "towards" or "away from" drivers are strong enough, you’ll do whatever it takes to make a change. Think about it, have you ever been so driven to achieve something that you couldn’t rest until it was done? Or perhaps you’ve found yourself in a situation so uncomfortable that you had no choice but to take action and change it.

? If you’re not making the changes you want, what’s holding you back?

? Could it be that your "towards" driver isn’t strong enough?

? Or maybe the discomfort of your current situation isn’t quite unbearable enough to push you to act?

It’s worth taking a moment to reflect on where you’re at in life.

? Are there areas where you’re feeling stuck?

? What’s keeping you in that place?

Often, when we feel trapped, it’s because our "towards" and "away from" drivers are not fully aligned. You might desire a better job, but the fear of leaving the security of your current position keeps you from taking the leap. Or you might long for a healthier lifestyle, but the comfort of familiar habits makes it hard to start.

? Where are you not willing to take action?

? What stories are you telling yourself?

? And why are you allowing conflict and chaos to persist in your life?

These are tough questions, yet they are necessary if you truly want to create change. When we avoid these questions, we risk falling into a cycle of resentment, frustration, and even anger. We might start to blame others for our situation, playing the victim, when in reality, the power to change lies within us.

The good news is that change is always possible. You have the ability to strengthen your "towards" driver, to focus on what you really want and let that vision pull you forward. Alternatively, you can harness the power of your "away from" driver, allowing the discomfort of your current situation to propel you towards something better.

? So, what’s it going to be?

? Will you let your current situation define you, or will you take the steps necessary to create the life you want?

The choice is yours.

??If you’re feeling unsure about where to start or how to align your drivers, I’m here to help.

Sometimes, all it takes is a conversation to uncover what’s really holding you back and to identify the steps you need to take.

Reach out, to see how you can move towards the life you desire or away from the situations that no longer serve you. - [email protected]

Remember, when your motivation is strong enough, nothing can stand in your way.

So ask yourself, what do you really want?

What are you willing to do to get it?

The answers might just surprise you.

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