Driven or Selfish?

The entrepreneurial journey is often glorified for its thrilling uncertainties, the satisfaction of creation, and the financial rewards it can yield.

However, beneath the glossy exterior of success stories lies a harsh truth that many entrepreneurs' spouses know all too well: the intense strain that running a business can place on a marriage.

At its core, entrepreneurship demands a colossal amount of energy, time, and devotion. For solo entrepreneurs, the business becomes akin to a demanding child, requiring constant attention and care. This often comes at the expense of personal relationships, especially marriage, where the expectation of mutual support and companionship is high.

The word "selfish" is defined as lacking consideration for others, being concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure. This definition poses a critical question for business owners: Where does one draw the line between being driven and being selfish?

The Cons of Being Married to a Business Owner

Pros of being married to a business owner include potential financial stability, pride in their partner's achievements, and insights into the business world. However, the cons often present heavier burdens. These can include feelings of neglect when business priorities override family time, the unpredictability of business affecting family plans, and the emotional toll of financial risks and volatility.

The Pros of Being Married to a Business Owner

On the flip side, marrying a business owner has its advantages. There's excitement in witnessing something being built from the ground up, the potential for greater financial freedom, and a strong example of work ethic and determination.

Balancing Business with Marriage: A Hopeful Checklist

Despite the challenges, hope remains for business owners and their spouses to maintain a strong, loving relationship. Here's a checklist for improving your marriage without compromising the business:

• Schedule Quality Time: Like business meetings, schedule uninterrupted time with your spouse. It ensures that your relationship gets the attention it deserves.
• Set boundaries For The Business: Set a time to stop working and invest that time into your spouse. It's easy to always be working, especially if you operate from home. But not spending the early morning or going to bed at night with you because you can "get one more thing done" makes them feel like 2nd choice to your computer.
• Communicate Openly: Share your business struggles and successes, and listen to your partner's experiences and feelings. Do not withhold information because it will "stress them out." In that situation, you're not shielding them. You are protecting yourself from feeling their anger or disappointment. It's better to make them part of the team rather than cause them to feel isolated and out of your inner circle.
• Delegate and Automate: Find ways to decrease your workload by delegating tasks or using automation tools. That way, tasks are still getting completed while you are planning out what to have for dinner with your partner. What may seem like minor or even unimportant activities to you may mean a lot to your partner, and that's the "selfish line" you must be aware of crossing.
• Connect Over Shared Goals: Align personal and business goals where possible so both partners feel invested in each other's success. Be cautious of the voice in your head that says, "What's going on in my business is so much more important than what happened 10 years ago or with our neighbor yesterday because our bills have to get paid!" That mental trap of making yourself and your goals more important than someone else's feelings is another dividing line that separates drive from selfishness.
• Practice Gratitude: Regularly express appreciation for each other's contributions to the relationship and the business. You, likely, did not build that business by yourself. Without your spouse's unending support, patience, guidance, or even cheerleading, you would not have the freedom or backing that it takes to be successful.

Meeting Psychological Needs Together

For a marriage to thrive alongside a business, it's crucial for both partners to meet their psychological needs. This includes:

• Security: Assurance that the relationship is stable despite business ups and downs.
• Variety: Keeping the marriage exciting through new experiences together.
• Significance: Recognizing each other's roles in their mutual success.
• Connection: Maintaining emotional closeness amid busy schedules.
• Contribution: Supporting each other's growth and understanding the impact both have outside the marriage.

When business owners and their spouses successfully integrate their ambitions with their psychological needs, marriage can become a source of strength and joy rather than a casualty of entrepreneurial success.

It's about finding harmony in the chaos, where both the relationship and business are given the chance to flourish. A marriage under these circumstances is not just a testament to love but also to the resilience and adaptability of two partners bound by shared dreams and a commitment to making it work against all odds.

:) Tim